Sorry, AAXI fans - a little thing called the World Cup has been distracting us from our duties these past few weeks. The AAXI staff discussed many options for how to deal with the column while the quadrennial event was being combated across the pond. Some members advocated concentrating on the American MLSers playing for the US National Team, and drawing our team membership from that group. It’s a good thing we passed on that idea, since an AAXI comprised of two players - Clint Dempsey and Jimmy Conrad - would look a little silly. Another group of members suggested suspending the AAXI for the duration of the World Cup; after all, all other domestic league team of the week columns (such as the All-Australian XI and the All-Angolan XI) suspend operations for major events like Germany 2006. But, in the end, the AAXI staff opted to take the lead from Major League Soccer and hope to draw some added attention from the reflected glow of the World Cup.

Except, it is difficult to draw added attention when you skip week 12 altogether - or at least seem to skip week 12. You see, unlike MLS, the AAXI decided to go with a reduced schedule during the World Cup (forget reducing the schedule - this sure seems like the busiest MLS schedule in recent years). We’re combining weeks 12 and 13, not skipping one week and moving on to the next. Normally this would constitute combining the votes a particular player received for week 12 with his votes from week 13; however, not a single nominee from week 12 received votes in week 13. Not even Justin Mapp.

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A word of caution for USNT fans still bitter over the early exit of the Yanks from the World Cup: this edition of the AAXI features a 4-5-1 formation.

Troy Perkins – (3)

Perkins of Troy was terrific in week 13. Earned the win for DC on Saturday in every sense of the word, as a spirited KC team attacked with gusto. Over the course of three games in this nomination period, Perkins helped DC to two wins and a tie, and was recognized as MLS Player of the Week. Poor old Nick Rimando has been healthy for weeks now and still can’t get a minute of action with the first team.

Jose Burciaga, Jr. – (1)

The defender got the nod for his play in Week 12. It isn’t so much for how he defends, since in recent weeks KC has either played with 3 in the back while Burciaga lines up in the midfield, or 5 in the back (it sort of depends on your personal view of “Bunker” Bob Gansler - our staff is split on this one). But how many times can one Yank not named Taylor Twellman get a game winner late? His 89th minute tally downed the Fire, with Burciaga the hero again.

Tim Regan – (4)

He makes the list again, also for work in week 12. He has no game winning goals like Burciaga (heck, he only has one shot on goal), but week in and week out, there’s Regan. He’s one of those guys that you can’t believe you nominate, when suddenly he’s one of the AAXI regulars. And in a stat that really stands out, in 13 starts and more than 1100 minutes of play, Regan has committed only nine fouls. That’s right - great defense, and less than a foul a game. Even Valentin Ivanov would have a hard time finding fault with Regan’s play this year.

Dasan Robinson – (3)

The rookie continues to impress the AAXI staff. His work ethic is phenomenal, and he seems to play like a veteran. His positioning on defense is great, and he can distribute from the back. One thing that really became obvious during week 13 is his speed. Robinson seems to have long strides and had no problem tracking back to catch up with a streaking Chris Henderson once or twice. And while Henderson may not quite have the wheels he had when MLS started, it was a nice sight for the Toyota Park faithful to behold.

Ritchie Kotschau – (2)

The veteran is on the all-enigma team with Greg Vanney. One game he’ll stink the joint up and then the next two he’ll play spectacular defending as was the case in week 13 against Chivas. The back three including Kotschau, Chad Marshall and Marcos Gonzalez really shut down an attack that gave the Crew all kinds of fits at the HDC in week 12. Credit goes to all of them, but especially to Kotschau.

Brian Mullan – (4)

The midfielder controlled about half of the field all by himself in the Dynamo’s week 12 win over RSL, Mullan had a goal and an assist in the 2-0 victory and always looked like he was about to inflict even more damage on a pretty dispirited RSL side. With Brian Ching returning to provide Mullan with a forward who actually knows what to do with his terrific crosses, look for Mullan to appear in future AAXI lists.

Seth Stammler – (2)

He was so far off the radar before the season started that he wasn’t even an afterthought. Now you watch him parade around the field with confidence - and the sequence that went Stammler-Peguero-Stammler-Peguero for the second Red Bulls goal in week 12 is exemplary of this. If you want to see at least one player who seems to have learned from practicing and playing alongside Youri, Stammler is it. Hopefully the injury that saw him leave the week 13 match early is not serious and we can see if he can bring it for the new Red Bulls coach, whoever he may be.

Chris Armas – (1)

Armas really set the tone for the “opening” of Toyota Park with his dynamic play early. Certainly he raised his game to the level demanded by the special occasion and dominated the middle. He gets points for scoring the “first” goal in Toyota Park history, even if the slow roller was passed by a snail on the way into the net. The AAXI staff couldn’t think of a more appropriate guy to get that “first” goal. (All quotation marks used in deference to the other first game in Toyota Park history, played in week 11)

Brandon Moss – (1)

This player isn’t going to thrill you with spectacular moves in the midfield and he isn’t going to score all that often (although we hear that he has a blistering long range shot), but what he will do is constantly win balls in the midfield. During week 13 he did a great job of doing just that against a pretty potent Chivas attackthat ran wild against the Crew in week 12 but was held in check in week 13. Moss really made Jesse Marsh look like a U12 d-mid in that latter clash - and Marsch is a guy who appeared here in the AAXI not too many weeks ago.

Clyde Simms – (2)

He may or may not see the field that often now that Ben Olsen is returning from USNT duty. And that’s a shame. Simms has really elevated his game, and together with Troy Perkins has consistently been among the best American or two for a DC side that is really purring along. His goal of the week nominee during week 13 puts a nice stamp on his performance, but he was AAXI worthy in both games.

Ante Razov – (4)

He just keeps racking up the goals and putting in solid performance after solid performance. It’s like he’s try to send the Bruce a silent message: “You should have taken me to Germany!” The USNT really could have used someone like him against the Czechs . . . and the Italians . . . and the Ghanaians - but we digress. If you think that fearlessness and tenacity were traits first only practiced in the MLS by Dempsey, take another look at ten goal Razov. The sheer variety of ways he attacks goal makes him fun to watch.

The Bench

Since this list covers two weeks, we’ll throw in the “others receiving votes” for free: Tony Meola (week 13), Noah Palmer (week 12), Carlos Llamosa (week 12), Ugo Ihemelu (week 13), Eddie Gaven (week 13), Carey Talley (week 13), Justin Mapp (week 13), Calen Carr (week 13), and Nate Jaqua (week 13).

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• Header by ismitje.
• List compiled and edited by ismitje, with input from all some of the AAXI contributors.
• In short, ismitje is the man.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Giorgio Chinaglia.

The spectacle ranks at the top of the world’s most popular entertainment events, surpassing even a silly event involving a pointy ball and expensive commercials, another silly event honoring films no one sees by choice, and a huge sporting spectacle honoring an ancient Greek tradition very faithfully, except that the athletes now wear clothing (Sasha Cohen – sadly born in the wrong millennium.) Of course, I speak of that time every four years where every soccer league in the world stops to focus on one small group of players, battling in the greatest showcase possible, in the heat of summer, under incredibly intense scrutiny. Yes, every league stops play, but one – and the eyes of the world focus intently on the critically important events taking place during … the third month of the MLS regular season.

Every soccer fan knows that the third month of the lengthy MLS regular season is the most critical (although only once every four years), with games televised in every nation, in languages to numerous to count. At the center of all of this attention is a lone American forward, his nation’s leading scorer in league play. “I can’t begin to describe the sheer intensity, pressure, and joy I feel,” said Taylor Twellman, star striker for the New England Revolution. “This is truly the single best opportunity of my career to show the world what I can really do. Why, just the other day I invited Steve Ralston, Pat Noonan, and Matt Reis out for lunch to talk about how lucky we are. Michael Parkhurst was going to join us, but Steve Nicol recommended he not come. Whatever.” Twellman held both hands to his forehead, forming a “W” with his fingers. “It would have been great to have Avery John here with us, too – I heard he’s not as busy as he planned to be for the next week or so. We talked for hours about how THRILLED we all are to be here for these four weeks, knowing that every soccer fan in the world will follow our every move as we climb our way back to our rightful place at the top of the Eastern Conference table. We have two conferences again, right? Not that stupid, confusing three division thing?”

Elsewhere in the league, other players are feeling similar butterflies over all of the impending attention. Kerry Zavagnin of the Kansas City Wizards, for one, feels that this is his time to shine. “Although it would be nice to have my boys: the freestyle rapper, the aspiring AAXI columnist, and Jason Wolff with me for this run, I’m more than ready to prove to the world that I’m the best defensive midfielder in MLS.” Zavagnin paused a moment, then mused, “Well, except for maybe Pablo Mastroeni. And Shalrie Joseph. And now that he’s back from injury, arguably Richard Mulrooney. Chris Armas still shows flashes of brilliance, too. And that John O’Brien guy looked awfully good for about six minutes earlier this year. Oh, and Ricardo Clark is improving pretty quickly, too. At least Michael Bradley’s out of the league – oh crap, I forgot about like, four different guys on DC United…”

Columbus Crew veteran Frankie Hejduk waxed a bit philosophical. “This is always my favorite part of the soccer quadriennal, when I always inexplicably bring my best game. It’s a phenomenal opportunity for the young guys on our squad like Chad Marshall and Eddie Gaven. Who says they’re not ready for the top level of soccer? All the European scouts will come running after they see these guys in action. It’s a shame I’m not healthy enough to play, although I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be here if I were…” A wistful Hejduk took a moment to reflect, and to remember that he’s supposed to be typecast as the surfer dude of American soccer. “I like, TOTALLY wish I was able to kick it around. I can’t even catch a wave, I’m so bumming. Dude. And I’ve always wanted to compare hair with Pavel Nedved.”

Phenom Freddy Adu is also feeling the crushing weight of expectations. “Although I’m already hideously overexposed, even relative to my rapidly improving play, I still wouldn’t change places with Theo Walcott for all the . Imagine, being his age, and to not even have played a single minute for Arsenal in the Premiership yet? Poor guy. Arsene Wenger makes Peter Novak look like Santa Claus.” Freddy screwed the top off a bottle of Sierra Mist, which he subtly spiked with a shot of grain alcohol to make it potable. “My good friend Pele, when he played for the Cosmos, never got an opportunity like this, with all of the leagues in the world stopped just to watch the NASL.”

For reasons unclear to me, my editors demanded that I interview Tomas Rosicky for this article. Rosicky commented, “American fans, it’s probably for the best that you focus your attentions on your side of the pond… nothing to see here in Europe… but please send that Justin Mapp to join me at Arsenal next season.”
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Taking a hint from the old adage “the best offense is a good defense,” this week’s lineup is a tad heavy on the defense, with the ever-popular 4-3-1, and two ‘keepers in goal (the eleventh guy was ejected before this post was uploaded, so we didn’t think it necessary to include him):

Preston Burpo – (2)

The goal was his fault but he really saved 3 points for Chivas in this match. Made a number of difficult saves. Solid outing from the old man. Pulled off a great, stretching kick save, stretched out the aging body to block out a Hurclez Gomez firecracker of his own, then managed to just get a hand on John Wolyniec’s unimpeded shot on goal from close range and push it our for a corner. He was a big reason the Goats finally got their first win over intra-city rival LA.

Joe Cannon – (1)

The one goal Colorado scored wouldn’t have stood up if not for a pair of saves that his replacement likely wouldn’t have made. Good to see him back, and in form, though RSL fans would’ve preferred that he sit out another week! He’s also the only reason anyone watching the game was able to stay awake. The rest of the game was a snoozer.

Tim Regan – (3)

The other big reason the Goats maintained the lead and got the win. He marked well, clogged the box, and cleared out most every dangerous ball that found its way in front of the goal. Bob Bradley knew he wanted to bring this kid with him to LA and his decision to do so has been paying dividends all season. There’s a reason he’s been on the AAXI a few times already. We were starting to think that the ESPN2 tandem of Glen Davis and Shep Messing were on a broadcast loop in the second half of the game: “that attack broken up by Regan.”

The Enigma – (1)

Greg Vanney is one of the hardest players to figure out this year. One week he looks like he should retire, while the next he looks like an all-star. An odd season to be sure - but this week was one of the all-star weeks, making him AAXI worthy.

Kyle Brown – (1)

OK, so he played only 8 official minutes. However, his play in the extra time - and particularly the slick pass to Dorman with no time remaining - sure didn’t look to us like a rookie playing his first minutes.

Matt Groenwald – (1)

He may have come in as a late sub for KC, but he had four good crosses and good defense. And like we said, the best offense is a good defense.

Ricardo Clark – (2)

Clark had a good two way game for the Dynamo, highlighted by Youri Djorkaef eventually moving out wide to make it easier to collect and distribute away from Mr. Clark’s attentions. The complete nullification of Amado Guevara when he was subbed in can be chalked up to two people: Ricardo Clark and the enigmatic Guevara himself. That Clark scored a long range goal to salvage the tie for Houston makes his performance that much better. He basically controlled the middle of the field which allowed DeRo to make some dangerous runs that he uncharacteristically whiffed on each and every time. Besides, he was the only rational nomination from the game. Sad but true. We could have told you he’d eventually score; the Red Bulls still have yet to hold a lead - even in their only win, they let up four goals while ahead. It’s a disease. Or a gambling problem. We can’t decide which.

Old Man Cobi Jones – (1)

The Old Man gets the nod this week for returning from injury to inject a real shot into the moribund LA team. His goal to tie the game was wily, like the veteran himself. Great touch around Perkins to slot home and earn the tie - and make no mistake, after getting no points since April, a tie against front running DC had to feel good.

Justin Mapp – (2)

He put in a flawless performance against the Revs. He made every shot he took, ran circles around every opponent he encountered, and never let even one Revs attacker get past him. He here at the AAXI were absolutely astonished by his performance.

Ante Razov – (3)

Ante begins his “I should be in Germany” American Tour with two sweet goals in front of the Chivas faithful at Home Depot Center. We like the way he celebrated, too: he had a clear ‘I’ve been there before, and I’ll be there again’ attitude. Class. Reminded us of Zidane’s volley in the Champion’s League final. What a shot. Utterly unstoppable. It went off the cross, first time, speeding at 80 mph into the top of the net. It was either going to be a goal or Kevin Hartman was going to be hurt because he got in its way. His first goal was a rare treat that, unfortunately for everyone who wasn’t watching (which was pretty much every soccer fan in the US), came before the World Cup hoopla, rather than after, when we won’t have so much soccer to distract us. Last week we mentioned that if you weren’t watching the Chivas broadcasts, you were missing out on seeing one of the players who is simply fun to watch. Can we say, “Told you so?”

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• Header by casper.
• List compiled and edited by crewfan, with input from all the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Joseph Blatter.

Yes, dear fans, it’s that time again. The World Cup is upon us.

The World Cup is all about glamour, excitement, glitz and flash. Everyone, but everyone, is transfixed for the entire month as the world’s best athletes go at each other in the most exciting athletic competition known to mankind.

Well, almost everyone. Everyone but, like, 99.9% of the people in this country. Oh, sure there’s us - you know, the internetsoccergeek subculture. We’re loud, we’re proud, but let’s face it, no one really cares but us.

Except . . .

There is, as I have discovered, a small but elite group of famous Americans who are, more or less secretly, part of our sickness, er, uh, our group. So, in that spirit, I present to you the first ever (and, more than likely, last ever) All American Celebrity XI. No Spice Girls, No Antonio Banderas, but not too shabby a list, if I do say so myself.

Erik Braeden - Actor. For all you soap opera fans, he is Victor Newman on “The Young and the Restless”. But he’s also a serious soccer man. And, surely he is the only guy in the universe with both a Daytime Emmy award and a US Open Cup winner’s medal. He won his Emmy in 1988. But more importantly, he won the Cup with Maccabee S.C. in 1973. That’s what I call a résumé.

Spike Lee - Director. Apparently, Spike is an Arsenal fan, and a season ticket holder at AC Milan. Also said to be pals with Thierry Henry. What I wouldn’t give to have him direct the sequel to “Goal: The Dream Begins”.

Rivers Cuomo - Musician (Weezer). Went to WC 2002, has a brother who plays in USL. Known to wear soccer jerseys onstage. Good enough for this list.

Robert Duvall - Greatest American Actor Ever. Produced “A Shot at Glory”, and starred in it as Gordon McLeod. When he says to Ally McCoist “Tha’s football son”, I get chills. Really, just to hear the man speak in a Scottish brogue is worth the price of the DVD. If you can find the DVD. Good luck with that. I think I have the only copy in North America.

Drew Carey - Comedian. USMNT’s biggest fan, accomplished soccer photographer, and (this is a rumor I’m starting) part-owner of the soon-to-be-awarded Cleveland MLS Franchise.

Jim Rome - Just kidding.

Tone Loc - Old Skool Rapper. Now, twice in my life I’ve heard or read Tone claim that he once played semi-pro soccer. I haven’t been able to verify that, but, I did see him wearing Sambas in a video one time. Works for me.

Andrew Shue - Actor. Played for LA Galaxy back in 1996. No really, he did. Melrose Place and LA Galaxy. Almost as good a résumé as Eric Braeden. If he can snag an Emmy someday, he can join the ranks of the immortals. Come to think of it, the way they’re playing lately he may re-join the ranks of the Galaxy before summer’s out.

Elijah Wood - Actor. Played a West Ham fan in a movie. And let’s face it, that takes some acting. Word around the campfire is that he became quite a fan of the sport. Plus, let’s face it, he’s Bilbo Baggins, man; that alone gets him the benefit of the doubt.

Nomar Garciaparra - Athlete. Married to the best player this country has ever produced. That right there qualifies him for the list, in my book. Also, I heard he plays a little baseball.

John Stewart - Comedian and Pundit. Played Div. I soccer at William and Mary. I don’t know how good he was, but I’m betting he lead the league in humorously sarcastic remarks to the ref.

Henry Kissinger - Former Secretary of State. Was a huge Cosmos fan back in the day. Also won the Nobel Peace Prize. Then again, so did Yassar Arafat. Tom Lehrer famously declared the day Kissinger won the Nobel as the day satire died as an art form. Not that that keeps us from trying.

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The 3-4-3 wheel is turning but the Mapp is injured.

Fat Tony – (1)

Now that the Red Bulls have chosen “Giving up second half leads” as their new favorite hobby, someone has to save them from themselves. After a stellar first half from his defenders, Tony Meola had to carry the day by himself in the second half. A game-saving stop on a Scott Sealy breakaway in the second half, followed by great stops on consecutive blasted shots by Jack Jewsbury and Ryan Pore all occurred in a fifteen-minute period where we’re only partly sure that the Red Bulls touched the ball at least once in the Wizards’ end. Didn’t get the shutout because of a somewhat questionable PK, but was a huge factor in the Red Bulls stealing a point on the road when they were soundly outplayed in the second half.

Wanker – (1)

The best players for the Rapids against the Galaxy Wednesday night were all foreign with one exception: Mike Petke. He was vocal, controlled the back line, contorted his body for headers and tackles, and showed some of the snarl and bite that’s been missing from his game since he was traded from DCU. We know it was just the Galaxy and LA’s goal drought was still in going strong, but Petke and Company kept that scoreless train rolling. He took co-command of the defensive unit with Aitor Karanka and held LA to 6 shots, none particularly threatening. A worthy captain for Colorado in our estimation.

Bozzilla – (1)

Steady as always against the Crew but simply a fantastic performance from Bobby Boswell on Wynalda’s man crush, Taylor Twellman and the Revs. Marked his players out the match exceptionally well. If that wasn’t enough, he had these neat little moments of popping into passing lanes to snuff out otherwise dangerous attacks. But what we love most about Bozz is that no matter what happens, his face is always expressionless. Even when he was yelling at ref Abbey Okulaja after a dubious handball penalty his face remained its emotionless, stoic self. We really think he might be a Blade Runner.

Eddie Robinson – (2)

What did Eddie do this week to get himself on the list? Well, let’s see. He heads home the game winner with 5 minutes left in regulation, played rock-solid defense against LA’s tall lineup, and marked Wolyniec out of the game. The one time he left Woly to Cochrane, LA got their first goal in over a month. Woly is not the most skilled forward, but he’s a handful for 90 minutes and Robinson battled him all night, especially in the waning minutes with the Galaxy desperately pushing for an equalizer.

Kyle Beckerman and the Wailers – (2)

Maybe it’s just us, but we’re eagerly awaiting the game when the small woodland animal that we all know lives in Beckerman’s hair jumps out and mauls Fernando Clavijo. Mark our words, someday it will happen. But other than having a wild life refuge on his head, this midfielder is quietly putting together a very solid year. Wednesday night was typical: constantly winning the ball, constantly playing thoughtful balls forward. He shut down the LA counter attack and got the Rapids moving back up field. Maybe it’s because he plays in Colorado, or maybe it’ s because he has such a poor coach, but it’s amazing how a guy can look that good when his team is normally getting run over.

Joshua Gros – (2)

In case you were wondering why they stopped running those Energizer Bunny adverts, it’s because the bunny saw Josh and needed a lie down. This is kid is battling Frankie Hejduk as the most fit player in MLS. As usual he played both wings end line to end line, and also as usual took the harder defensive assignment. The fact that he could run like that against Columbus and turn around and do it again against the Revs is enough to make us throw up into a trashcan from exhaustion.

Brad Davis – (2)

We kinda miss the ‘stache but we’re glad to see him return to the line up and give LA problems all game. He set up both of the Houston goals, one with a quick ball to Moreno who fed DeRosario and the other with a beautiful corner kick. His defense is still wanting, but when Davis is on he’s a big benefit to the Dynamo. He sets up his other teammates with quality crosses, which, of course, Houston’s forwards waste, as is their custom.

The Messiah – (5)

With the creativity Freddy Adu has shown of late and his improvement on placement of his passes, he is starting to get to the level that deserves all the hype. While our young Padawan neither assisted nor scored (seriously, I think someone cursed his goal scoring) - he should’ve had like 5 assists against the Revs. Also, his shooting is actually fairly good; he’s just getting unlucky. Plus we’d just like to say: Hooray! Defense!

Jeff Cunningham – (2)

Best forward performance in the league this week. He made every big offensive play on the pitch, scored two goals and practically forced the third own-goal. This guy has all of the confidence in the world, and - for the first time in memory - seems equally comfortable with his situation, whether that be starting or coming off the bench. He’d be fun to have coming off the bench in Germany - not at the expense of someone already there, but certainly over some of our named alternates.

Fear the Head Gear – (4)

Alecko Eskandarian had a hand in three of DC’s goals against the Crew. He’s playing like a man on a mission. Yes, the Crew were terrible and they had a college coach starting in goal, but Esky and his running mates were just terrorizing the Crew in the second half. His headgear has replaced the pyramid hat, focusing the energy of the universe into his body.

Ante Razov – (2)

He made it on the AAXI again. Remarkable. Taking a ball from mid-field, charging towards the opponents net, then coolly slotting one in for goal will get him on the list, even if it is just one goal instead of the couple that Razov usually needs to get in here. Injury and bad attitude free for the first time in a couple of years, he’s finally doing for Bob Bradley what the coach thought he was getting when he traded for Razov a season or so ago: scoring goals and helping the team win - which Chivas did consecutively for the first time in team history. The Chivas attack revolves around him. He’s playing with audacity and confidence. We’ll also let you in on a little secret: If you’re not watching the Chivas broadcasts (and with Christian Miles doing PBP, that’s understandable), you’re missing one of the guys who is simply fun to watch this year.

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• Header by djwalker.
• List compiled and edited by wallydrag with input from all the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Neil Buethe.

Just over a quarter of the way through the MLS season, it is time to review the eleven Americans we neglected to acknowledge so far this year – call it the All-Unsung-American XI. Rather than include eleven Yanks in a standard 4-4-2, we’ll go week-by-week, starting with the preseason:

The most overlooked American of the preseason was Pete Edward, MD, team doctor of the Columbus Crew. In an unfortunate preview of the season to come, Edward was the busiest man in MLS as the Crew lost two key players to injury. Fortunately his previous team doctor experience in minor league hockey and baseball prepared him for the triage unit that the Crew has become.

Some argued that Jeff Parke was man-of-the-match in the opening game for the newly rechristened Red Bulls, but given the daring 2-4-4 lineup featured by the AAXI in week 1, the ex-Metrostar, still New York defender couldn’t make the cut. Welcome to the All-Unsung-American XI, Mr. Parke.

Another ex-Metrostar makes the list for week 2: Jim Rooney. Sure, Rooney retired a few years back, but when Red Bull hosted its tribute to New York soccer history, there was Rooney on the field with some decidedly more famous mates. But look closely at the comments from people that night: Rooney was everyone’s favorite teammate.

During week three it came to light that the AAXI staff habitually ignores deserving DC United players. This week, there were two such Unsung Americans: Bobby Boswell and Ben Olsen. Since week 3 we’ve been more careful to include those deserving Yanks from the nation’s capital (see the five DC players who made the list in week 4 for proof that we corrected this problem).

Kyle Martino may have scored the game winner for Columbus at LA during week 4, but he wasn’t the best Yank on the field for the Crew. Neither was Jacob Thomas, who actually made the AAXI that week. No, the American with the best performance on the field that night was Rick Guter, head athletic trainer, who came on the field time and again. Marcos Gonzales went down, as did Thomas. Others pulled up lame but were helped back into play by the Crew trainer, who really contributed. In addition, he is somehow holding Rusty Pierce’s hamstring together. Did we mention that he was head trainer for DC from 1996-2002?

Justin Mapp for week five. Enough said.

In week 6, the hardest working team in all of sports (your Columbus Crew) began a modest streak of thee games without a loss, despite losing even more players than Edward or Guter could handle. Credit for the turnaround has been given to many people, but one key contributor – an Unsung American – is Crew “Sport and Performance” Psychologist Dr. Todd M. Kays. Kays’ mandate: get the Crew to visualize peak performance. With about five healthy players but wins in weeks 6 and 7 and a tie in week 8, that’s mission accomplished, Dr. Kays.

Another unsung hero for the Crew emerged in week 7. No, it wasn’t Sigi Schmid and Mark McCullers, who engineered the trade with the Galaxy that brought them Ned Grabavoy and Joseph Ngwenya. It wasn’t even Equipment Managed Osmar Espinal, who had jerseys ready for the newcomers in time for both to make their Crew debuts. It was Columbus Chief of Police James G. Jackson for providing what one AAXI fan and supporter called a “high speed escort to Crew Stadium” for the ex-Galaxians. Whether it happened or not is immaterial: it’s good copy! Welcome to the AUAXI, Chief Jackson!

We don’t even know the name of the person who makes the list for week 8, but if you want unsung, this is a person who defines the phrase. The MLSNet Match Tracker Person for the NYRB-CDCUSA really had to have his hands flying as the teams combined for 30 shots, nine goals, five yellow cards, and 28 fouls. One caveat: given that Match Tracker Persons are probably paid what the AAXI is to write this column, this may be one of those jobs that “no American will do” and as Bouna Coundoul fans know from week 8, not everyone working in America is eligible for inclusion in the AAXI, even if they have the best game of any goalkeeper in MLS that week. Sorry, Bouna.

Finally, our last member: Jimmy Conrad didn’t make the AAXI for week 9, and he can hardly be considered unsung for his play (2005 MLS Defender of the Year who earned a cap for the US over the weekend). But, he deserves to be on the AUAXI this week for one contribution: his ranking system for soccer “know-it-alls” which has Tino Palace at the bottom (just below “utter crap”) and what is believed to be AAXI at the top (“genius, pure genius”). For that, we salute you!

And there you have the All-Unsung-American XI for the first quarter of the MLS season, dominated by the Columbus Crew. On to the AAXI for week 9:

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Bruce is wondering if he should use a 352 or a 442. Rest easy Bruce: We got your back. 442. It’s so good you’ll dump your Reyna’s, your Onyewu’s, AND your McGrizzle’s in favor of our guys:

The Lion King – (1)

We’re not sure if Preston Burpo is AAXI worthy, (Shouldn’t the other team actually shoot every once in a while? At the goal?) but given what the other goalkeepers did this week, we’ll go with him for a trio of reasons: 1) He earned a clean sheet in his first MLS start, at age 33; 2) He pounced on a ball differently than we have ever seen since Simba in The Lion King - a true pounce, with an apex to the jump that totally intimidated both us and the hapless Fire attacker; and 3) Despite being (much) older than Burpo, we are still juvenile enough to enjoy typing “Burpo” and “Simba”.

Jason Hernandez – (1)

Class come to order! This is MLS History 201. We will start with the curious case of one Jason Hernandez. Bob Bradley drafted Jason last year for the MetroStars. Yes? You in the back?

Bruce Arena: “Uh, professor? What’s a Metrostar?”

“Good question. I have no idea. Let’s pretend that they were a team. Yes. A soccer team. Good. I mean bad. They were a bad soccer team. Got it? Good. Let’s say Bob Bradley coached them for a while after leading the Fire to glory and before hiring on to coach Chivas.

Back to our story. Jason sat on the bench for the Metrostars all season. Then a Llama fired Bradley. I mean Lala fired Bradley- you know: the red one- one of the Teletubbies? Yes. After the Bradley firing, the Metrostars suddenly played Hernandez in their last five games. Now class, pay attention! This is where the story gets … weird. Bob Bradley, just hired by Chivas, immediately acquires – Jason Hernandez? Who then went back to the bench to start the season?

Fast forward to now and here’s Jason Hernandez with his second strong game of the season, filling in admirably for Claudio Suarez (on WC duty) and Carlos Llamosa (age and injury), anchoring a shutout for a team that gave up five goals just a week ago. But wait class! It gets even weirder! Who did he partner with this past week? (A flotilla of hands shoots up.) That’s right…

Tim Regan – (2)

Another acquisition from the mythical MetroStars! But sure not to confuse this Regan with Ronald Reagan’s Secretary of the Treasury and Chief of Staff! That supply side freak was named Donald! This one is a Tim! Last week our Tim was the key to the Chivas defense in making a 1-0 lead two minutes into the game hold true to the end. Ably assisted by both the hypothetical Metrostars reject Hernandez and benefiting from Simba’s timely pounce our Tim played well. Even when he got beat, he’d bounce back up and chase it down. A great game from Tim that seemed like it had been coming for a few weeks, where he’d play decently and then get beat once or twice.

Now class, a rhetorical question: How much would the Red Bulls like to have this Regan and that Hernandez on their back line now? They would look quite good next to…

Jeff Parke – (1)

… Who really controlled his side. Why the Red Bulls have him on the side as opposed to the center of their defense now that Regan and Hernandez are gone is anybody’s guess.

Bobby Boswell – (1)

Seemingly out of place in this sea of red and white stripes, Boswell had his best game of the year both defensively and offensively. He played sweeper for DC, using his height to knock out balls and his legs to tackle away some fast moves by Sealy and Pore. Add a goal on the set piece from Adu, and it was everything you’d want to see in a central defender.

Pop Quiz!

Has Bobby Boswell scored more goals for DCU or for the opposition in his career?

Richard Mulrooney – (1)

I don’t know about you but it sure seems to me that MLS is becoming defensive midfielder heaven these days. You got Shalrie Joseph and Daniel Hernandez in New England. Houston has Ricardo Clark. Chicago has Chris Armas and an improving Logan Pause. KC has Kerry Zavagnin. Colorado has Kyle Beckerman and has just moved Pablo Mastroeni back to d-mid. DCU has three d-mids in Benny Olsen, Brian Carroll, and Clyde Simms (see below). Columbus has a good-looking rookie in Brandon Moss. Dallas has Simo Valakari and now has Richard Mulrooney back to full health. A case could be made that Mulrooney is the best of all of them. Certainly his combination of offense and defense, his awareness of everything that’s happening on the field is on par with Joseph and Olsen. Such is the case this week.

Ruiz may get goal of the week for that delightful winner late in the game, but pay close attention to the pass that led to the goal: Perfectly weighted between two Red Bull players and away from the defender who had Ruiz well covered. It was a somewhat audacious pass, and without it, no game winner for FCD. That put the stamp on a great defensive performance. Richard Mulrooney is back!

Sasha Kljestan – (1)

He got better and better as the game went on, possibly because some of his higher profile teammates were subbed out and thus got out of his way. Some of us think he had the best performance for a rookie of the year candidate to date with this game.

Clyde Simms – (1)

You have to overlook the fact that he tripped over the air leading up to the PK. It was perhaps the best game Simms has ever played for DC United. Sure, Olsen remains the first choice in that position, but a healthy Simms is a huge plus for United if for no other reason then he has better hair than Valderrama (aka Fuzzy Microphone Head). He stepped up defensively and broke up the Kansas attack. Compare United’s defensive performance at KC vs. this week vs. against KC two weeks before when Simms didn’t play. Day and night folks. He even got into it offensively, made some quality runs and had one (rather embarrassing) chance at goal that resulted in an (undeserved) PK. But you don’t get the lucky calls unless you make the quality runs.

The Messiah – (4)

Speaking of Freddy, (And when are we not? See two players below.) that ball to Simms was probably the best bit of soccer all weekend and it wasn’t a shot on goal. It was the second week in a row the kid’s put in a complete effort. Beside the Simms pass, the ball he put in for Boswell’s goal was perfection in precision. Several other balls that he served in could have had a better outcome but where mishandled away. His confidence is there and he is now much more then a sideshow for the team. As soon as this kid scores, the dam is going to break.

Jason Kreis – (3)

Let’s not mince words: Jason Kreis pulls the tie with Colorado out of his ass. Mostly we are glad that Bouna Coundoul didn’t break Kreis’s leg with the odd-looking challenge on goal #103, but Kreis earned the nomination with tireless work on both sides of the ball. Many RSL fans are uncomfortable with him as a midfielder, preferring to highlight his strengths as a forward, but you can’t deny his two-way prowess. Isn’t this guy supposed to be too old and too injured to be the one making the 40 yard runs after minute 80, chasing down balls destined to go out before he gets there? But he still brings it, and scored a beauty to net RSL the tie.

Kenny Cooper – (5)

All right. See? It’s not true that the AAXI is All-Freddy-All-The-Time. It’s not even the Freddy and Justin show these days. This year it’s the Kenny and Freddy Dreamtime Hour.

Set your Way-Back machines to the year 2010. The place? Where else but FNB stadium in Jo-burg, South Africa. The final of the World Cup. USA vs. Brazil. The game is tied going into stoppage time. Fred (no longer Freddy) gets the ball from geezer Landon Donovan. Fred dribbles forward. Ten yards. Twenty. He looks up to see Ken (no longer Kenny) Cooper on the hip of some unnamed Brazilian defender. Fred sends a bending ball that Ken rises up to meet, sending a rocket inside the far post. G-O-A-L!!!!!!! USA WINS!!!!! WORLD CHAMPS!!!!

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• Header by ismitje.
• List compiled and edited by ursula with input from all the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on referee Colin Tait.