Just over a quarter of the way through the MLS season, it is time to review the eleven Americans we neglected to acknowledge so far this year – call it the All-Unsung-American XI. Rather than include eleven Yanks in a standard 4-4-2, we’ll go week-by-week, starting with the preseason:

The most overlooked American of the preseason was Pete Edward, MD, team doctor of the Columbus Crew. In an unfortunate preview of the season to come, Edward was the busiest man in MLS as the Crew lost two key players to injury. Fortunately his previous team doctor experience in minor league hockey and baseball prepared him for the triage unit that the Crew has become.

Some argued that Jeff Parke was man-of-the-match in the opening game for the newly rechristened Red Bulls, but given the daring 2-4-4 lineup featured by the AAXI in week 1, the ex-Metrostar, still New York defender couldn’t make the cut. Welcome to the All-Unsung-American XI, Mr. Parke.

Another ex-Metrostar makes the list for week 2: Jim Rooney. Sure, Rooney retired a few years back, but when Red Bull hosted its tribute to New York soccer history, there was Rooney on the field with some decidedly more famous mates. But look closely at the comments from people that night: Rooney was everyone’s favorite teammate.

During week three it came to light that the AAXI staff habitually ignores deserving DC United players. This week, there were two such Unsung Americans: Bobby Boswell and Ben Olsen. Since week 3 we’ve been more careful to include those deserving Yanks from the nation’s capital (see the five DC players who made the list in week 4 for proof that we corrected this problem).

Kyle Martino may have scored the game winner for Columbus at LA during week 4, but he wasn’t the best Yank on the field for the Crew. Neither was Jacob Thomas, who actually made the AAXI that week. No, the American with the best performance on the field that night was Rick Guter, head athletic trainer, who came on the field time and again. Marcos Gonzales went down, as did Thomas. Others pulled up lame but were helped back into play by the Crew trainer, who really contributed. In addition, he is somehow holding Rusty Pierce’s hamstring together. Did we mention that he was head trainer for DC from 1996-2002?

Justin Mapp for week five. Enough said.

In week 6, the hardest working team in all of sports (your Columbus Crew) began a modest streak of thee games without a loss, despite losing even more players than Edward or Guter could handle. Credit for the turnaround has been given to many people, but one key contributor – an Unsung American – is Crew “Sport and Performance” Psychologist Dr. Todd M. Kays. Kays’ mandate: get the Crew to visualize peak performance. With about five healthy players but wins in weeks 6 and 7 and a tie in week 8, that’s mission accomplished, Dr. Kays.

Another unsung hero for the Crew emerged in week 7. No, it wasn’t Sigi Schmid and Mark McCullers, who engineered the trade with the Galaxy that brought them Ned Grabavoy and Joseph Ngwenya. It wasn’t even Equipment Managed Osmar Espinal, who had jerseys ready for the newcomers in time for both to make their Crew debuts. It was Columbus Chief of Police James G. Jackson for providing what one AAXI fan and supporter called a “high speed escort to Crew Stadium” for the ex-Galaxians. Whether it happened or not is immaterial: it’s good copy! Welcome to the AUAXI, Chief Jackson!

We don’t even know the name of the person who makes the list for week 8, but if you want unsung, this is a person who defines the phrase. The MLSNet Match Tracker Person for the NYRB-CDCUSA really had to have his hands flying as the teams combined for 30 shots, nine goals, five yellow cards, and 28 fouls. One caveat: given that Match Tracker Persons are probably paid what the AAXI is to write this column, this may be one of those jobs that “no American will do” and as Bouna Coundoul fans know from week 8, not everyone working in America is eligible for inclusion in the AAXI, even if they have the best game of any goalkeeper in MLS that week. Sorry, Bouna.

Finally, our last member: Jimmy Conrad didn’t make the AAXI for week 9, and he can hardly be considered unsung for his play (2005 MLS Defender of the Year who earned a cap for the US over the weekend). But, he deserves to be on the AUAXI this week for one contribution: his ranking system for soccer “know-it-alls” which has Tino Palace at the bottom (just below “utter crap”) and what is believed to be AAXI at the top (“genius, pure genius”). For that, we salute you!

And there you have the All-Unsung-American XI for the first quarter of the MLS season, dominated by the Columbus Crew. On to the AAXI for week 9:

Bruce is wondering if he should use a 352 or a 442. Rest easy Bruce: We got your back. 442. It’s so good you’ll dump your Reyna’s, your Onyewu’s, AND your McGrizzle’s in favor of our guys:

The Lion King – (1)

We’re not sure if Preston Burpo is AAXI worthy, (Shouldn’t the other team actually shoot every once in a while? At the goal?) but given what the other goalkeepers did this week, we’ll go with him for a trio of reasons: 1) He earned a clean sheet in his first MLS start, at age 33; 2) He pounced on a ball differently than we have ever seen since Simba in The Lion King - a true pounce, with an apex to the jump that totally intimidated both us and the hapless Fire attacker; and 3) Despite being (much) older than Burpo, we are still juvenile enough to enjoy typing “Burpo” and “Simba”.

Jason Hernandez – (1)

Class come to order! This is MLS History 201. We will start with the curious case of one Jason Hernandez. Bob Bradley drafted Jason last year for the MetroStars. Yes? You in the back?

Bruce Arena: “Uh, professor? What’s a Metrostar?”

“Good question. I have no idea. Let’s pretend that they were a team. Yes. A soccer team. Good. I mean bad. They were a bad soccer team. Got it? Good. Let’s say Bob Bradley coached them for a while after leading the Fire to glory and before hiring on to coach Chivas.

Back to our story. Jason sat on the bench for the Metrostars all season. Then a Llama fired Bradley. I mean Lala fired Bradley- you know: the red one- one of the Teletubbies? Yes. After the Bradley firing, the Metrostars suddenly played Hernandez in their last five games. Now class, pay attention! This is where the story gets … weird. Bob Bradley, just hired by Chivas, immediately acquires – Jason Hernandez? Who then went back to the bench to start the season?

Fast forward to now and here’s Jason Hernandez with his second strong game of the season, filling in admirably for Claudio Suarez (on WC duty) and Carlos Llamosa (age and injury), anchoring a shutout for a team that gave up five goals just a week ago. But wait class! It gets even weirder! Who did he partner with this past week? (A flotilla of hands shoots up.) That’s right…

Tim Regan – (2)

Another acquisition from the mythical MetroStars! But sure not to confuse this Regan with Ronald Reagan’s Secretary of the Treasury and Chief of Staff! That supply side freak was named Donald! This one is a Tim! Last week our Tim was the key to the Chivas defense in making a 1-0 lead two minutes into the game hold true to the end. Ably assisted by both the hypothetical Metrostars reject Hernandez and benefiting from Simba’s timely pounce our Tim played well. Even when he got beat, he’d bounce back up and chase it down. A great game from Tim that seemed like it had been coming for a few weeks, where he’d play decently and then get beat once or twice.

Now class, a rhetorical question: How much would the Red Bulls like to have this Regan and that Hernandez on their back line now? They would look quite good next to…

Jeff Parke – (1)

… Who really controlled his side. Why the Red Bulls have him on the side as opposed to the center of their defense now that Regan and Hernandez are gone is anybody’s guess.

Bobby Boswell – (1)

Seemingly out of place in this sea of red and white stripes, Boswell had his best game of the year both defensively and offensively. He played sweeper for DC, using his height to knock out balls and his legs to tackle away some fast moves by Sealy and Pore. Add a goal on the set piece from Adu, and it was everything you’d want to see in a central defender.

Pop Quiz!

Has Bobby Boswell scored more goals for DCU or for the opposition in his career?

Richard Mulrooney – (1)

I don’t know about you but it sure seems to me that MLS is becoming defensive midfielder heaven these days. You got Shalrie Joseph and Daniel Hernandez in New England. Houston has Ricardo Clark. Chicago has Chris Armas and an improving Logan Pause. KC has Kerry Zavagnin. Colorado has Kyle Beckerman and has just moved Pablo Mastroeni back to d-mid. DCU has three d-mids in Benny Olsen, Brian Carroll, and Clyde Simms (see below). Columbus has a good-looking rookie in Brandon Moss. Dallas has Simo Valakari and now has Richard Mulrooney back to full health. A case could be made that Mulrooney is the best of all of them. Certainly his combination of offense and defense, his awareness of everything that’s happening on the field is on par with Joseph and Olsen. Such is the case this week.

Ruiz may get goal of the week for that delightful winner late in the game, but pay close attention to the pass that led to the goal: Perfectly weighted between two Red Bull players and away from the defender who had Ruiz well covered. It was a somewhat audacious pass, and without it, no game winner for FCD. That put the stamp on a great defensive performance. Richard Mulrooney is back!

Sasha Kljestan – (1)

He got better and better as the game went on, possibly because some of his higher profile teammates were subbed out and thus got out of his way. Some of us think he had the best performance for a rookie of the year candidate to date with this game.

Clyde Simms – (1)

You have to overlook the fact that he tripped over the air leading up to the PK. It was perhaps the best game Simms has ever played for DC United. Sure, Olsen remains the first choice in that position, but a healthy Simms is a huge plus for United if for no other reason then he has better hair than Valderrama (aka Fuzzy Microphone Head). He stepped up defensively and broke up the Kansas attack. Compare United’s defensive performance at KC vs. this week vs. against KC two weeks before when Simms didn’t play. Day and night folks. He even got into it offensively, made some quality runs and had one (rather embarrassing) chance at goal that resulted in an (undeserved) PK. But you don’t get the lucky calls unless you make the quality runs.

The Messiah – (4)

Speaking of Freddy, (And when are we not? See two players below.) that ball to Simms was probably the best bit of soccer all weekend and it wasn’t a shot on goal. It was the second week in a row the kid’s put in a complete effort. Beside the Simms pass, the ball he put in for Boswell’s goal was perfection in precision. Several other balls that he served in could have had a better outcome but where mishandled away. His confidence is there and he is now much more then a sideshow for the team. As soon as this kid scores, the dam is going to break.

Jason Kreis – (3)

Let’s not mince words: Jason Kreis pulls the tie with Colorado out of his ass. Mostly we are glad that Bouna Coundoul didn’t break Kreis’s leg with the odd-looking challenge on goal #103, but Kreis earned the nomination with tireless work on both sides of the ball. Many RSL fans are uncomfortable with him as a midfielder, preferring to highlight his strengths as a forward, but you can’t deny his two-way prowess. Isn’t this guy supposed to be too old and too injured to be the one making the 40 yard runs after minute 80, chasing down balls destined to go out before he gets there? But he still brings it, and scored a beauty to net RSL the tie.

Kenny Cooper – (5)

All right. See? It’s not true that the AAXI is All-Freddy-All-The-Time. It’s not even the Freddy and Justin show these days. This year it’s the Kenny and Freddy Dreamtime Hour.

Set your Way-Back machines to the year 2010. The place? Where else but FNB stadium in Jo-burg, South Africa. The final of the World Cup. USA vs. Brazil. The game is tied going into stoppage time. Fred (no longer Freddy) gets the ball from geezer Landon Donovan. Fred dribbles forward. Ten yards. Twenty. He looks up to see Ken (no longer Kenny) Cooper on the hip of some unnamed Brazilian defender. Fred sends a bending ball that Ken rises up to meet, sending a rocket inside the far post. G-O-A-L!!!!!!! USA WINS!!!!! WORLD CHAMPS!!!!

  • Header by ismitje.
  • List compiled and edited by ursula with input from all the AAXI contributors.
  • All typos and errors should be blamed on referee Colin Tait.