Yes, dear fans, it’s that time again. The World Cup is upon us.

The World Cup is all about glamour, excitement, glitz and flash. Everyone, but everyone, is transfixed for the entire month as the world’s best athletes go at each other in the most exciting athletic competition known to mankind.

Well, almost everyone. Everyone but, like, 99.9% of the people in this country. Oh, sure there’s us - you know, the internetsoccergeek subculture. We’re loud, we’re proud, but let’s face it, no one really cares but us.

Except . . .

There is, as I have discovered, a small but elite group of famous Americans who are, more or less secretly, part of our sickness, er, uh, our group. So, in that spirit, I present to you the first ever (and, more than likely, last ever) All American Celebrity XI. No Spice Girls, No Antonio Banderas, but not too shabby a list, if I do say so myself.

Erik Braeden - Actor. For all you soap opera fans, he is Victor Newman on “The Young and the Restless”. But he’s also a serious soccer man. And, surely he is the only guy in the universe with both a Daytime Emmy award and a US Open Cup winner’s medal. He won his Emmy in 1988. But more importantly, he won the Cup with Maccabee S.C. in 1973. That’s what I call a résumé.

Spike Lee - Director. Apparently, Spike is an Arsenal fan, and a season ticket holder at AC Milan. Also said to be pals with Thierry Henry. What I wouldn’t give to have him direct the sequel to “Goal: The Dream Begins”.

Rivers Cuomo - Musician (Weezer). Went to WC 2002, has a brother who plays in USL. Known to wear soccer jerseys onstage. Good enough for this list.

Robert Duvall - Greatest American Actor Ever. Produced “A Shot at Glory”, and starred in it as Gordon McLeod. When he says to Ally McCoist “Tha’s football son”, I get chills. Really, just to hear the man speak in a Scottish brogue is worth the price of the DVD. If you can find the DVD. Good luck with that. I think I have the only copy in North America.

Drew Carey - Comedian. USMNT’s biggest fan, accomplished soccer photographer, and (this is a rumor I’m starting) part-owner of the soon-to-be-awarded Cleveland MLS Franchise.

Jim Rome - Just kidding.

Tone Loc - Old Skool Rapper. Now, twice in my life I’ve heard or read Tone claim that he once played semi-pro soccer. I haven’t been able to verify that, but, I did see him wearing Sambas in a video one time. Works for me.

Andrew Shue - Actor. Played for LA Galaxy back in 1996. No really, he did. Melrose Place and LA Galaxy. Almost as good a résumé as Eric Braeden. If he can snag an Emmy someday, he can join the ranks of the immortals. Come to think of it, the way they’re playing lately he may re-join the ranks of the Galaxy before summer’s out.

Elijah Wood - Actor. Played a West Ham fan in a movie. And let’s face it, that takes some acting. Word around the campfire is that he became quite a fan of the sport. Plus, let’s face it, he’s Bilbo Baggins, man; that alone gets him the benefit of the doubt.

Nomar Garciaparra - Athlete. Married to the best player this country has ever produced. That right there qualifies him for the list, in my book. Also, I heard he plays a little baseball.

John Stewart - Comedian and Pundit. Played Div. I soccer at William and Mary. I don’t know how good he was, but I’m betting he lead the league in humorously sarcastic remarks to the ref.

Henry Kissinger - Former Secretary of State. Was a huge Cosmos fan back in the day. Also won the Nobel Peace Prize. Then again, so did Yassar Arafat. Tom Lehrer famously declared the day Kissinger won the Nobel as the day satire died as an art form. Not that that keeps us from trying.

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The 3-4-3 wheel is turning but the Mapp is injured.

Fat Tony – (1)

Now that the Red Bulls have chosen “Giving up second half leads” as their new favorite hobby, someone has to save them from themselves. After a stellar first half from his defenders, Tony Meola had to carry the day by himself in the second half. A game-saving stop on a Scott Sealy breakaway in the second half, followed by great stops on consecutive blasted shots by Jack Jewsbury and Ryan Pore all occurred in a fifteen-minute period where we’re only partly sure that the Red Bulls touched the ball at least once in the Wizards’ end. Didn’t get the shutout because of a somewhat questionable PK, but was a huge factor in the Red Bulls stealing a point on the road when they were soundly outplayed in the second half.

Wanker – (1)

The best players for the Rapids against the Galaxy Wednesday night were all foreign with one exception: Mike Petke. He was vocal, controlled the back line, contorted his body for headers and tackles, and showed some of the snarl and bite that’s been missing from his game since he was traded from DCU. We know it was just the Galaxy and LA’s goal drought was still in going strong, but Petke and Company kept that scoreless train rolling. He took co-command of the defensive unit with Aitor Karanka and held LA to 6 shots, none particularly threatening. A worthy captain for Colorado in our estimation.

Bozzilla – (1)

Steady as always against the Crew but simply a fantastic performance from Bobby Boswell on Wynalda’s man crush, Taylor Twellman and the Revs. Marked his players out the match exceptionally well. If that wasn’t enough, he had these neat little moments of popping into passing lanes to snuff out otherwise dangerous attacks. But what we love most about Bozz is that no matter what happens, his face is always expressionless. Even when he was yelling at ref Abbey Okulaja after a dubious handball penalty his face remained its emotionless, stoic self. We really think he might be a Blade Runner.

Eddie Robinson – (2)

What did Eddie do this week to get himself on the list? Well, let’s see. He heads home the game winner with 5 minutes left in regulation, played rock-solid defense against LA’s tall lineup, and marked Wolyniec out of the game. The one time he left Woly to Cochrane, LA got their first goal in over a month. Woly is not the most skilled forward, but he’s a handful for 90 minutes and Robinson battled him all night, especially in the waning minutes with the Galaxy desperately pushing for an equalizer.

Kyle Beckerman and the Wailers – (2)

Maybe it’s just us, but we’re eagerly awaiting the game when the small woodland animal that we all know lives in Beckerman’s hair jumps out and mauls Fernando Clavijo. Mark our words, someday it will happen. But other than having a wild life refuge on his head, this midfielder is quietly putting together a very solid year. Wednesday night was typical: constantly winning the ball, constantly playing thoughtful balls forward. He shut down the LA counter attack and got the Rapids moving back up field. Maybe it’s because he plays in Colorado, or maybe it’ s because he has such a poor coach, but it’s amazing how a guy can look that good when his team is normally getting run over.

Joshua Gros – (2)

In case you were wondering why they stopped running those Energizer Bunny adverts, it’s because the bunny saw Josh and needed a lie down. This is kid is battling Frankie Hejduk as the most fit player in MLS. As usual he played both wings end line to end line, and also as usual took the harder defensive assignment. The fact that he could run like that against Columbus and turn around and do it again against the Revs is enough to make us throw up into a trashcan from exhaustion.

Brad Davis – (2)

We kinda miss the ‘stache but we’re glad to see him return to the line up and give LA problems all game. He set up both of the Houston goals, one with a quick ball to Moreno who fed DeRosario and the other with a beautiful corner kick. His defense is still wanting, but when Davis is on he’s a big benefit to the Dynamo. He sets up his other teammates with quality crosses, which, of course, Houston’s forwards waste, as is their custom.

The Messiah – (5)

With the creativity Freddy Adu has shown of late and his improvement on placement of his passes, he is starting to get to the level that deserves all the hype. While our young Padawan neither assisted nor scored (seriously, I think someone cursed his goal scoring) - he should’ve had like 5 assists against the Revs. Also, his shooting is actually fairly good; he’s just getting unlucky. Plus we’d just like to say: Hooray! Defense!

Jeff Cunningham – (2)

Best forward performance in the league this week. He made every big offensive play on the pitch, scored two goals and practically forced the third own-goal. This guy has all of the confidence in the world, and - for the first time in memory - seems equally comfortable with his situation, whether that be starting or coming off the bench. He’d be fun to have coming off the bench in Germany - not at the expense of someone already there, but certainly over some of our named alternates.

Fear the Head Gear – (4)

Alecko Eskandarian had a hand in three of DC’s goals against the Crew. He’s playing like a man on a mission. Yes, the Crew were terrible and they had a college coach starting in goal, but Esky and his running mates were just terrorizing the Crew in the second half. His headgear has replaced the pyramid hat, focusing the energy of the universe into his body.

Ante Razov – (2)

He made it on the AAXI again. Remarkable. Taking a ball from mid-field, charging towards the opponents net, then coolly slotting one in for goal will get him on the list, even if it is just one goal instead of the couple that Razov usually needs to get in here. Injury and bad attitude free for the first time in a couple of years, he’s finally doing for Bob Bradley what the coach thought he was getting when he traded for Razov a season or so ago: scoring goals and helping the team win - which Chivas did consecutively for the first time in team history. The Chivas attack revolves around him. He’s playing with audacity and confidence. We’ll also let you in on a little secret: If you’re not watching the Chivas broadcasts (and with Christian Miles doing PBP, that’s understandable), you’re missing one of the guys who is simply fun to watch this year.

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• Header by djwalker.
• List compiled and edited by wallydrag with input from all the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Neil Buethe.