It’s July in MLS.

Somebody thought it was a really smart idea to have a summer soccer league. Yeah, that works really well, in, like SCANDINAVIA. But guess what, genius, IT’S STILL COLD THERE IN THE SUMMER! At least, I think it is. And even if it’s not, do you think those people have ever even seen 90 degrees? Do you think they’ve ever tailgated in a parking lot in Dallas in July, snuggling up to the gas grill because it is COOLER THAN THE AIR TEMPERATURE?

I don’t think so.

Look, I’m sure there are very good practical financial reasons for playing in the summer, and I’m sure that Don Garber knows more about these things than we here at this humble lil’ column. But no matter how solid the logic behind the rationale, I’m just not sure if it’s worth it when things like this happen:

E. RUTHERFORD, N.J. (MLSnet.com) On their first game on the newly installed FieldTurf at Giants Stadium, the New York Red Bulls scored their first penalty kick of the season Friday afternoon and won their first game of July, beating the Colorado Rapids 1-0. In his best game in a Red Bulls uniform, Amado Guevara scored the game’s only goal in the 34th minute as the Red Bulls ended a three-game losing streak and a five-game winless slide. He then burst into flames. Officials at Red Bull called the spontaneous combustion a tragedy, adding that it was compounded by their failure to get the extended warranty on the new field.

Or this:

FOXBOROUGH, Mass. (MLSnet.com) Jeff Cunningham sliced through the New Engand Revolution defense, and Real Salt Lake picked up just its second-ever road win with a 3-1 triumph Friday night. Cunningham’s 51st-minute slalom run through a static Revolution defense provided the spectacular game winner after Chris Klein gave the visitors the lead after 16 minutes. Jason Kreis added a third in the 55th minute with a well taken strike from an Andy Williams corner before Taylor Twellman grabbed a consolation goal two minutes later. The game was briefly delayed when the Adidas Teamgeist ball melted in mid-air in the 70th minute and fell on Matt Reis’s bald head. Reis suffered second degree scalp burns, but is expected to survive. The ball, unfortunately, had to be put down.

This was especially troubling:

WASHINGTON (MLSnet.com) D.C. United continued their march through Major League Soccer, burning RFK stadium to the ground in an act of wanton destruction not seen since Sherman’s march thorough Atlanta.

Or what about this disciplinary report from the L.A. Derby?

Misconduct Summary:
CHV — Ante Razov (caution; Dissent) 25
CHV — Jesse Marsch (caution; Reckless Foul) 29
LA — Tyrone Marshall (caution; Reckless Foul) 43
LA — Chris Albright (caution; Professional Foul) 53
LA — Troy Roberts (caution; hogging the water bottle so no one else could even get any) 84

Do you see my point?

Wouldn’t we all rather see players lose fingers and toes to frostbite instead of seeing them go up in a burning conflagration? Wouldn’t we all rather tailgate with some Irish Whiskey-laced coffee instead of plain ol’ boring beer? Wouldn’t we all like to see one of those really cool orange soccer balls they have to use in the snow? Wouldn’t we all like to have something to look forward to in February apart from Valentine’s Day?

Of course we would.

We here at the AAXI join other right-thinking Americans everywhere in calling for an end to the summer MLS season.
…

A 3-5-3. Really, a 3-5-3!

Kevin Hartman – (1)

Hartman looked shaky under Steve Sampson, but is rejuvenated under Frank Yallop along with much of the rest of LA’s lineup. He made a great save going to his right to keep Chivas off the board and earn the tie (with the acknowledged help of the post and crossbar). Chivas GK Preston Burpo also kept a clean sheet, but didn’t face a shot until almost 80 minutes into the match. True, he may not often display the catlike reflexes that earned him the nickname “El Gato,” but perhaps he’ll do enough to get the Galaxy on track the rest of the season.

Eddie Pope – (3)

Many Salt Lake fans, like USNT fans, have decided that Pope is no longer interested in the MLS game, is too quiet and slow, and cannot hack defending duties any longer. The last two games belie that. Against New England, Steady Eddie stopped more than a dozen good Revolution chances and was beaten once by an ill-timed offsides trap. But largely because of Pope’s play, New England could not convert a huge advantage in possession into more than a single goal. With the emergence of All-Tico XI member Danny Torres, RSL has a solid pair in the back.

Marvell Wynne – (3)

Wynne has emerged from the Mo Johnston doghouse with new passion. Richie Williams has reinstalled Wynne while reinstating the 4-4-2, as the interim coach recognizes in the big rookie everything that made ABMOD himself a great player - exceptional athleticism, being bigger, stronger and faster than almost everyone else on the field, and showing an instinct for attacking any piece of open space in front of him. Wait, I’m thinking of some other Richie Williams. However, on a 100-degree day, Wynne did things like get all the way into the offensive box for a cross off a play that took place entirely on the left side of the field. Why did he do that? There was open space, and he’d be there wide open if the cross came. But no one else was making any unnecessary forty-yard runs. Maybe it’s just that it takes Wynne so much less time to run forty yards than the other guys on the field…

Bobby Rhine – (1)

Bobby is the best attacking defender in Major League Soccer (even if he didn’t really line up as a defender against the Fire). He is also the soccer version of Pete Rose, minus the gambling addiction. Never. Stops. Working. He’s been quite frustrating this year (and most years too) but with so many forwards busted up for Dallas it’s nice to move him up to be in position to make a huge goal for his team. Possibly the goal of the year for Dallas as it got them back even with Chicago when they could easily have taken the loss in that heat. He has taken a while to become comfortable as a defender, having played forward since, like, birth, but by the end of this season he’ll be among the class of the League at his new position.

Ben Olsen – (3)

Apparently Olsen drank some of whatever juice Frankie Hejduk does before the Columbus-DC game because he was just a workhorse from end to end and got a goal to boot. He was allowed the freedom to roam the field and he took advantage of it, playing like a man desperate to be back on the pitch. A cleverly placed goal was his personal highlight, but the combination of Adu and Olsen pushing the attack forward with pace was too much for a Crew side that did an admirable job of sticking with the game even when they looked to be run out of the building. DC was substantially worse when Ben came off. He should be back in the swing of 90 minute matches soon … look out (as if DC needed another weapon). If anyone saw Olsen when he played outside for Nottingham Forest in 2000, then you saw Saturday a bit of what he did in the English First Division that year.

Freddy Adu – (6)

Adu just carved up the Crew. TWO (not one) excellent, calm finishes were called back (both correctly). But Freddy was inches away from perhaps his best game as a pro, minus a poor clearance that indirectly led to the Crew’s second goal. A masterful performance by Freddy, during which he almost always made the correct space. And when he had any space at all - well, his teammates responded and made runs as if they expected the effort to lead to a goal. He also worked well with Christian Gomez and had a sick backheel nutmeg that put the ball out in front of a streaking Josh Gros. The kid is finally showing he’s got the goods, and he, like the DC team, is worth the price of admission.

Chris Henderson – (2)

The brutally hot conditions at Giants Stadium really affected both the Rapids and the Red Bulls, but Chris had a good, interesting game. The often languid pace of the game allowed the viewer to ponder things while watching the action, such as Henderson’s career. Chris’ game has always been about speed and stamina but this year (and last) it has looked like his age was finally catching up to him. No longer can he just burn out his opposing winger. But this game he showed a bit of his old self again. How could that be? Because he reacted less to the heat than the other players, such as his opposite number, Terry Cooke, pretty soundly. He rew the penalty that wound up being the game-winner (hat tip, Eric Denton) and kept pressure off Seth Stammler, who was filling in behind him at left back.

Eric Vasquez and March Burch – (1 and 1)

These two Crew players share a spot on the AAXI this week since the staff was divided on which of these Crew substitutes most influenced the other - but we’re clear that Columbus’ play improved upon their insertion into the game. We weren’t sure if we should go with Burch and point out that he really brought some life to the Crew attack when he was subbed in, and not just when he assisted on Vasquez’s goal (he also almost set up the tying goal with a beautiful cross to Gaven that Perkins saved nicely). Then again, we considered Vasquez, who seemed to have an immediate understanding with Burch, even though they couldn’t have practiced together more than once. Vasquez proved a handful for the DC defense, and his cracker of a goal made things interesting over the final 20 minutes as the Crew seemed poised to net the equalizer. Hence, the shared spot on the AAXI for week 16.

Kenny Cooper – (6)

In this game Cooper looked like he could do anything except beat somebody on the breakway. The new favorite of the AAXI staff (who may be out-Mapping Justin Mapp in terms of AAXI devotion) put in a good 90 against Chicago in the absence of many of his potential strike partners (Ruiz, Mina, and Oduro, who left early due to injury). He found space between two Fire defenders for the winning goal when it seemed unlikely that anyone could upstage Andy Herron’s brilliant comeback win bid effort, but Cooper did by staging a subsequent comeback win of his own. He’s also a class act - he never dives, never plays dirty, and always offers his hand to somebody he’s been involved in a hard tackle with. Who would have believed in March that effectively swapping Eddie Johnson for Kenny Cooper on the FCD roster would be so overwhelmingly positive?

Jeff Cunningham – (3)

About two minutes into the game, Cunningham made a move to go into the Revolution box, and was promptly tackled hard by Jay Heaps - the last time the New England defense tackled Cunningham for the rest of the game. He made a pinpoint cross to Chris Klein for the first goal, and then slalomed through half the opposition to score the game winner. You could almost hear the collective shout from the RSL fans: “Pass it, pass it, pass it, pass it you fool - don’t pass, shoot it! GOAL!!!” Some would argue that Cunny flat out stole this game single-handedly. Which he still has the capability to do. Why he can look like the best player in the league only every third game is beyond the AAXI staff, but as neutral fans we’ll take any player who can steal a game while being outplayed. After New England’s goal, it seemed 50/50 to me that they’d come back to tie it, at least - they had that determined look. But a three-goal cushion is a pretty big one, particularly in the absence of a spectacular own goal by Jeff Agoos…

Taylor Twellman – (2)

This may have been the first game all season when Twellman played well despite the absence of Clint Dempsey. Aside from his goal, he distributed nicely to teammates in better positions to shoot, and was generally a pest all night long. He almost had a unique assist in the first half when he passed a cross - using his chest - to Pat Noonan, whose effort was saved. Twellman also hit the post with another shot and came as close as a player can to willing the Revs to a tie as is possible.
…

• Header by DJ Walker.
• List compiled and edited by ismitje, with input from all of the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Richie Williams.