Believe it or not, the AAXI staff is not the first group to collaborate on a weekly soccer column focused all or in part on the American game. In fact, as difficult as it is for us to admit, this may not even be the finest collaborative soccer column we’ve read. Those of you new to the American soccer scene, or too young to remember the “old days” of 1999-2002, missed one of the great weekly reads. And just as we’d like this humble column to be remembered some day, we’re turning this week’s header over to honor the Late, Great soccer column to which we refer: the Turd of the Week (TotW).

Before we begin, a word of caution. As you might infer from the title, the Turd of the Week may not be entirely work safe. True, the images and graphics are far from cutting edge today, and almost all of them are quite funny, but some might hold some surprise “all these years” later. Regardless, feel free to click over to view an archive of the columns at http://prestonm.com/brewcity/totw.shtml - all 150 of them - at any time. You’re liable to be hooked and end up reading the entire archive.

The Turd of the Week was the brainchild of erstwhile Milwaukee Rampage fan Preston McMurry, whose goal was to pursue “to ends of the Earth the cretins, jerks, morons, bozos, and buffoons who persist in ruining the Beautiful Game.” Other fans had only to take the TotW oath to qualify to write for the Turd of the Week column, which an impressive 58 people in addition to Mr. McMurry decided to do. Not surprisingly, the initial targets (honorees?) of the column were major players in the world of soccer - USSF President Bob Contiguglia (for his support of a biannual World Cup), UEFA President Lennart Johannsen (for tacitly supporting the two-referee system), and FIFA President Sepp Blatter (for floating the idea of changing all soccer leagues to February-November schedules). The early columns didn’t feature much more than the Turd himself (or herself - ex-UNC and USWNT player Debbie Keller appeared in both 1999 and 2002), but the complexity of the column expanded quickly to include rants, occasional statistical analysis, a weekly blotter of soccer-related imbroglios, and a vastly expanded list of honorees. Consider the following:

TotW #9 - Greek Mutt
TotW #36 - Fernando Marcos (USL president)
TotW #53- Big Mouth Asshole Parents (BMAPs, a favorite subject)
TotW #62 - Metros Fans Who Love Oldfart (aka Lothar Matthaus)
TotW #88 - BigSoccer.com
TotW #106 - USA Defense
TotW #148 - People of Columbus

True, it could not have been fun being the target of one of the columns, but for many of the rest of us, it was a fun way to spend time every week - even those of us who never took the TotW oath.

So as inappropriate as it may seem to honor a Turd - here’s to the Late, Great Turd of the Week.

On to the list. We had so much positive feedback that we’ve brought back the 5-2-3. Don’t like long ball? Find us some more Yank midfielders to excel week in and week out!
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Jon Conway – (2)

… is the only reason that the Red Bulls weren’t blown out of this one. Most of his seven saves were very difficult, and he needed to be at the top of his game to give New York a chance to tie as the game wound down. Both Clint Dempsey and Andy Dorman would have seen one of their multiple chances hit the back of the net if not for good play from Conway. The choice for starting keeper in New York just got tougher - Tony Meola and his big contract are probably out in the offseason.

Eddie Pope – (5)

… once again stymied an opponent, this time Jaime Moreno, in a draw against DC United. He also anticipated through balls very well and started the Salt Lake attack a number of times. In fact, Pope fit into DC United’s attack so well, you’d think he was their third forward. On top of all that, he roamed forward enough to add a threat to Real’s attack.

CJ Brown – (1)

… has been relatively nondescript this season - nothing spectacular, but good enough to shore up the three man backline. He did look good against the Crew - and any defender who hasn’t scored since 1998 (201 games!) and who helped hold off a hard-charging opponent with a man advantage deserves a nod.

Bryan Namoff – (1)

… played well in something of a makeshift DC defense that mostly kept Jeff Cunningham in check. In fact, Namoff himself seemed to have primary responsibility for marking Cunningham, who rarely popped up to threaten the DC goal.

Greg Vanney – (1)

… has quietly put together one of the better seasons of any MLS defender. He played well again against Chivas, helping the Western Conference leaders to a tie at the Home Depot Center. Fellow defender Clarence Goodson seemed to pop up more on the offensive end - on set pieces - than on the defensive end, so Vanney gets the nod.

Craig Waibel – (3)

… was back in the lineup for the Dynamo and played a typically solid game, while also scoring a goal. Waibel was not the most graceful guy out there, but he got his job done with hard tackles, good positioning, and an incredibly timely goal. Of course, when you make a run and a corner kick lands on your foot, you’d better score!

Pete Vagenas – (1)

… played what may be his first really good game of the year in a 2-1 loss to Houston. Where this attacking-minded version of Pete has been all year is a question that Galaxy fans have to be asking after this display.

Brad Davis – (3)

… didn’t last the whole game, but until he was subbed out late in the second half he played a great game. Davis’ defense is still a little suspect, but he’s now making up for that with intensified effort. He also played parts in both of Houston’s goals, setting up Waibel’s goal with a nice corner kick, and battling Pete Vagenas to spring DeRosario for the game winner.

Davy Arnaud – (2)

… netted a nice pair on Saturday. With two goals on great shots, the reigning MLS Player of the Week is the latest Wizard to pick up the scoring slack from projected scoring duo Josh Wolff and Eddie Johnson, joining Scott Sealy and Jose Burciaga, Jr. with as many or more goals than KC’s Big Guns.

Jeff Cuningham – (6)

… had another quality assist against DC. Stymied on a through ball by surprise United starter Nick Rimando, Cunningham pulled back his run, turned deftly, and laid a perfect ball to a surging Chris Klein, who put the ball in off the far post. Cunningham gets credit for his speed and his goals, but his passing has also been excellent - and his ten assists are tied for the league lead.

Kenny Cooper – (8)

… has been absent from the AAXI for far too many weeks in a row. No fear; Cooper scored a beautiful goal against Chivas USA and again demonstrated excellent touch on the ball. This time he sent a beautiful long range shot past a diving Brad Guzan and into the far upper corner. Welcome back, Mr. Cooper!
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• Header by ismitje.
• List compiled and edited by ismitje with input from the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Chief Apologist Bill Archer.