It is tempting to approach the final entry of the 2006 All-America XI column as we have most of the previous 28: wittily with a side of insight (at least, that’s how we see ourselves!). But after thinking about the final regular season weekend, we decided that a better approach would be to comment on the terrific slate of games that a viewer with MLS DirectKick or MLSLIVEtv had access to. Well, DirectKick or MLSLIVEtv and HDNet. And ESPN2. Or Fox Soccer Channel.

But wait; that discussion about viewing options threatened to dip into witty and/or insightful range. The point is, lots of good games were broadcast last weekend. The two games with playoff implications really lived up to the hype, with a total of eleven goals scored in the two games and several near misses as exciting as most of the goals. A pair of misses by Dwayne DeRosario - both on breakaway opportunities - drove RSL fans crazy as the 3-3 tie between Houston and Colorado knocked them out of the playoff race. But for the neutral fan, seeing the Rapids come back from a goal down three times in the same game was well worth the investment of time. Luckily, refereeing decisions had nothing to do with that outcome, so RSL fans weren’t left to rue a game changing call, but Kansas City fans weren’t so fortunate. Needing only a tie, KC gave up two penalty kicks and ended up losing the game and the final playoff spot to New York - and gave Wizards players and fans reason to rue the calls.

Terrific goals abounded in the Galaxy-FC Dallas game, with all seven worthy of repeated viewing. A tense defensive affair featuring New England and Columbus was the weekend’s anomaly, though the 1-1 draw between RSL and Chivas generated only slightly more attacking soccer. But the Chicago-DC United match provided the best single moment of the weekend: the scintillating series of passes strung together by the Fire that led to Andy Herron’s emphatic game winner.

In short, it was a terrific weekend to be a fan of Major League Soccer, even if your team didn’t get the result it needed to keep the season going. It is to be savored as we prepare for the playoffs and off season, and await the return of MLS in the Spring.
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The final AAXI for the season features the unlikely return of the 6-2-2 formation, with a few caveats. First, we all know that Jonathan Bornstein will be a key contributor in the Chivas attack regardless of whether he officially lines up at defense, midfield, or forward. Second, Todd Dunivant played in the defensive mold of Bixente Lizarazu or Roberto Carlos (in other words, hardly defensively). Third, Craig Waibel became a scoring machine, meaning that only half of the defenders on the list focused on, well, defense. It’s as close to a 3-5-2 as a 6-2-2 can get.

Matt Pickens – (2)

is one of two starting goalkeepers in the Eastern Conference who are keeping their more famous teammates on the bench (Jon Conway being the other). In this case, Zach Thornton continues to ride the bench as he has since returning from injury. On the last weekend of the season, Pickens was good enough to stop everyone (he had 8 saves) except Christian Gomez in the win over DC.

Eddie Pope – (6)

played almost flawlessly for RSL in the season ending draw with Chivas USA. He kept the defense organized when the team switched from four to three in the back, made incisive passes out of the back, cleared several dangerous balls, and popped up in the box on offensive forays when necessary. Pope quietly played as well as any defender in the league over the last two months of the season in what remained a very patchwork group.

Jonathan Bornstein – (9)

lined up as a defender if the line up is to be believed. But why not? He appeared on the AAXI in all three field positions over the course of the year, and seemed to pop up on the offensive end whenever Chivas needed him. The runaway rookie of the year, Bornstein was part of a draft that made the difference in Chivas being a playoff team and being on the outside looking in.

Todd Dunivant – (1)

whose brilliantly weighted chip pass to Henderson was largely responsible for earning the Red Bulls first penalty kick, also makes the list. Dunivant came within inches of the goal of the week when his first half blast nearly broke the Meadowlands crossbar. Dunivant played like a left back who knew his team needed a win, critically. Might have come in handy against, oh, let’s say, Ghana, just to pick a game out of a hat.

Tim Regan – (6)

gains the nomination for playing the role of the savvy veteran on the Chivas backline. It was amazing that they didn’t give up more goals - and the goal posts deserve part of the credit - but Regan kept things sane and showed that he’s actually learned a few points from the veteranisimos, Claudio Suarez and Carlos Llamosa.

Craig Waibel – (5)

almost single handedly kept RSL in the playoff picture by willing Houston to the victory over Colorado. His pair of goals and generally solid defense kept the Rapids at bay for much of the game, highlighting what the HDNet broadcasters kept refering to as the Comeback Player of the Year performance.

Pablo Mastroeni – (5)

was at fault on none of the trio of Dynamo goals. In fact, without a great game from Mastroeni, the Dynamo total would have been higher. On a night when Mike Petke was out with on a red card, Aitor Karanka was uncharateristically weak on defense, and Dan Gargan and Matt Crawford were subpar, Mastroeni had to go it almost totally alone as his team did just enough to earn the draw and eke into the playoffs.

Cobi Jones – (2)

has spent eleven memorable seasons with the Galaxy. And in those eleven years he had few nights to match the offensive output he contributed against FC Dallas. His fourth goal of the year and assists 2-4 meant that he had a hand in four of the five Galaxy goals. Not bad for an old man like him.

Chris Armas – (2)

controlled the midfield for Chicago in the team’s victory over DC United. Even the ESPN2 announcing crew of Rob Stone and Eric Wynalda - normally blind to any contributor not on the score sheet - named Armas player of the game.

Landon Donovan – (6)

only had two goals and an assist. We say “only,” because he rampaged through the Dallas team so thoroughly that he seemed as likely to end with a half dozen goals as two. Some fans might’ve expected the disinterested Donovan to show up, since the game didn’t matter, but show up he did. He finishes with 12 goals in what is generally considered a lackluster year.

Herculez Gomez – (1)

might have only gotten the start because recent first eleven choice Alan Gordon injured himself in practice this week. But for the first time this season, he looked like the player who had some USNT fans thinking call-up last year. With two assists and a goal on a night he made Chris Gbandi look foolish, Gomez played very well.
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• Header by ismitje.
• List compiled and edited by ismitje.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Don Garber.

Don Garber sat as his desk, frozen in stunned silence. A league employee had just handed him and instant messenger transcript, captured from a PC at the offices of the Red Bulls that demanded his attention. But the right course of action wasn’t clear. The fear foremost in Garber’s mind: what would he do if the transcript got into the hands of the AAXI?

Well, of course we got it. Somehow, we always do.

ilBruce: u there?
really20: yup. haven’t heard from u in a while. wuzzup?
ilBruce: wanted to c u again. moving to ny hasn’t been that great.
really20: should’ve worked out that trade. that guy jozy isn’t working out?
ilBruce: don’t get me wrong – on the field, he’s been great. he’s a no go on the other stuff – only 16 and not really into that kind of stuff.
really20: ive told u – not my thing, either. don’t you know ‘bout my girl jojo?
ilBruce: was sure that was a cover. looks like i’ll be back in old va after next week – we’ve only got the one more game, i’m pretty sure. youre not seeing pele again behind my back, are you?
really20: whatever, dude. nobody gives it up for sierra mist. besides, u got your little midget up there with u now. nice work getting him that job, than yanking it away from him right away.
ilBruce: don’t remind me – he hasn’t been the same since. had to bring in harkes just to make the peace. but come see me later this month – you’ll have fun – just ask convey.
really20: dude, why do you think he was desperate to get to England for like three whole years. i bet u put the work permit committee up to that bs.
ilBruce: yeah that was awesome. played the guy every minute for like two years, then told the committee he actually sucked (no pun intended) that was awesome. anyway, why u so hostile?
really20: it wasn’t too cool inviting me to camp last winter just to “hang out.” and telling me that ld used to do it was all kinds of wrong. you’d never so that to deuce – he’d cut you.
ilBruce: so I guess that’s a no?
really20: buddy, run for congress – you’ll have a better shot. and stay the *!#& out of the dc locker room during the playoffs.
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For the penultimate edition of the 2006 AAXI, we present you with a 2-6-2, which may be the only line up we haven’t trotted out yet this year.

Brad Guzan – (3)

didn’t get the memo that Bob Bradley secretly WANTED Chivas to lose, to sabotage the Red Bulls’ playoff chances. Jason Hernandez WAS in on the deal with Bob, allowing multiple free breaks through the central defense, and even conceding a crucial penalty on an ugly, stupid tackle where he whiffed the diving Josh Wolff but still richly merited being called for the penalty. Guzan stuffed at least two clear-cut breakaways with great anticipation, and was just a little more fingertip away from stopping a penalty and being the guaranteed goalkeeper for the AAXI.

Hunter Freeman – (1)

what can you say about a youngster who anchors his defense from the wing very effectively, AND picks a fight with Dema Kovalenko in the same game? You put him on the AAXI. Freeman already looks like a lock to become a solid MLS vet; he’s on that relatively long list of guys who may get their first cap during the next couple of years. A solid youth Nats resume has him on the radar.

Jose Burciaga Jr. – (2)

didn’t have the consistent match one might have hoped, but his highs were so high that it’s impossible to keep him off of this week’s list. Jose’s free kicks were as solid as any we see in this league, and putting the ball on the head of new teammate Dave van den Bergh proved to be an awfully good idea. (Also a good idea, Chivas - defending the tall Dutch guy you’ve never seen before. Who knows, he’s tall - maybe he’s good in the air. Just a thought.) Burciaga’s ice-in-the-veins penalty kick may prove to be the signature moment putting the Wizards into the playoffs. He plays with as much attitude as any other (good) player in the league.

Jonathan Bornstein – (8)

drew the penalty that briefly led to cheers from our New York contingent of committee members. Let’s just say we wanted the ball at his feet as much as possible, hoping that a forward pass to Matt Taylor wasn’t in his plans. Chivas used to have forwards, right? Still the most creative, dynamic American rookie since Dempsey’s rookie year in ‘04, and we mean that as a compliment, and not as a diss to Kenny Cooper.

Davy Arnaud – (3)

hustled harder than anyone on the field. A pair of brilliant through balls to Josh Wolff led to great opportunities, though each pass had the fatal flaw of … being a pass to Josh Wolff. If not for Jose Burciaga Jr.’s eye-popping highlight reel, Arnaud was a sure thing to be MOTM in a crucial win.

Clint Dempsey – (5)

scored a beautiful goal, beating at least three defenders and the keeper, continuously threatened the DC United goal, and, just for grins, cleared a ball out of the Revs box with a bicycle kick.

Eddie Gaven – (2)

has absorbed more criticism (much of it deserved) than just about any other player in MLS this season. But he keeps coming, showing flashes of brilliance that hint that he may still flourish and be the player we all hope he’ll become. A goal and an assist in the Crew romp over the Fire highlight his potential - and merit him an AAXI place this week.

Carey Talley – (4)

returned from red card suspension and willed RSL to a tie against Houston, which kept his team’s faltering playoff hopes alive. Jeff Cunningham’s scoring prowess gets the glory, but Talley’s yeoman work is the main driving force in pushing the second year team towards respectability.

Kenny Cooper – (10)

took a long time to convince us not to nominate Chris Albright this week, but when he beat Albright for Dallas’ second goal, and we realized that Albright also lost Ruiz for the first FC goal, we knew Kenny had it wrapped up. Purportedly a midfielder according to the lineup card, Kenny was given free range of the field, leading to being in position in front of the net when necessary, and even leading to a sweet combination with Ronnie O’Brien and Richard Mulrooney while the entire Dallas midfield decided to have tea on the right flank. Kenny looks good with the ball at his feet … and is even more effective than he looks.

Jason Garey – (2)

better not be magically traded to a playoff-bound team from the Eastern Conference, because Chicago was at a total loss as to how to defend him on Saturday. But who knows - this is the MLS, where strange player transfers sometimes take place - watch out, Fire!

Landon Donovan – (5)

surely deserved better. Donovan was clearly the best player on the field, helping set up numerous Galaxy opportunities with deft touches, including notable long passes to Alan Gordon and Chris Albright. A brilliant chest trap and volley blast (that the committee confesses to practicing repeatedly against the garage) capped off an individual performance that wasn’t enough against superior opposition. Did Donovan show up for this game because it was a must-win for the Galaxy playoff hopes, or because he wanted to look extra-sweet in High Definition? We’re going with the HD thing. Here’s hoping he takes next week off, gets his longest rest in at least eight years, and comes back with renewed purpose for a new Nats coach.
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• Header by Casper. (No, really! ismitje didn’t write it this time!)
• But ismitje did compile and edit the list with input from the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Giorgio “fugitive from justice” Chinaglia.

Ah, that we would be preparing for a 16 team league next season! We aren’t that far from it having been reality. Toronto FC’s debut will make thirteen teams in our “national” league, and since we’ve had three MLS markets disappear in the past ten years, we could be preparing for Toronto to re-balance the league at an even 16 instead of unbalancing it at 13. It would be terrific to have Tampa Bay, Miami, and San Jose on board for the 2007 season.

But we at the AAXI can’t help but wonder how having those teams in the league still would have changed the composition of the weekly AAXI teams. What Yanks would have stood out for the Earthquakes, Mutiny, and Fusion in 2006? We present two players who might have stood out for each of the three teams.

Cam Weaver - F - Tampa Bay took a few months to overcome first year jitters. But once he settled in with the Mutiny, the rookie who moved up from the USL’s Seattle Sounders had a better year at forward than any other first year player besides Jonathan Bornstein.

Preki - M - Miami found himself on the outs with Kansas City at the end of the 2005 season, but rather than accept an offer to become an assistant coach with Bob Bradley at Chivas USA, he returned to southern Florida to spend a second season with the Fusion. And while he has not been a regular starter with the Fusion, the veteran had a few good games left in the tank as a spot starter and twenty minute specialist.

Troy Dayak - D - San Jose managed an amazing recovery from what many feared was a career-ending injury during the 2005 season. Dayak returned from an offseason stint as coach of the MISL’s California Cougars to serve as the inspirational leader of the revamped Earthquakes defense, as San Jose fans cheered for their long time favorite as he snagged a series of AAXI nominations.

Eric Denton - D - Tampa Bay spent his sixth season with the Mutiny following the trade that brought him to Tampa Bay from DC United. A fixture in defense, Denton also continued to show an occasional propensity to get forward and threaten the goal. The poor man’s Chris Albright, the Santa Clara grad made the AAXI a handful of times and remained the face of Tampa Bay Mutiny soccer.

Scott Vallow - GK - Miami finally broke out in MLS the way he stood out for Rochester many seasons. The former backup to Scott Garlick, Joe Cannon, and Pat Onstad found a steady spot in a fifteen team MLS after not catching on in earlier stints with New England, Colorado, and Dallas.

Joey Gjertsen - F - San Jose moved south from the USL’s Vancouver Whitecaps to join the Earthquakes following a solid rookie season. The Tacoma native came to MLS with little fanfare, but the Evergreen State College graduate steadily increased his playing time over the course of the season and made his way onto the AAXI a time or two by the time the season wrapped up.

But let’s get back to the existing squads and this week’s team. Finally some offense for the AAXI! It may have taken until week 27, but the defense-heavy formations of the past few months give way this week to a 2-4-4. How good was the collective attacking midfield group and forwards? So good that there is no spot this week for Brian Ching and his stunning game winning goal.
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Troy Perkins – (7)

had a great game. He had no chance at all on Brian Ching’s amazing goal. As for the rest of this game, he stopped Ching point-blank early in the second half and showed complete command of his box. We’re not sure there’s a keeper in the league who is better coming off his line into traffic.

Bobby Boswell – (4)

played very well all night and did not seem to be at fault on Ching’s goal. He stoned Dwayne DeRosario several times when the Canadian was burning down the field. Most defenders get left clutching at air, but the Boz timed his tackles perfectly.

Chris Albright – (4)

had a blinder of a game. He absolutely owned the right side of the field in the Chivas match on both offense and defense, and put in a pair of terrific assists. You really can’t say enough about how well he played. Some people may ask where another exciting, attacking MLS defender is on this list, but unlike Albright, Jose Burciaga didn’t play much defense on against RSL.

Brad Davis – (4)

whipped good cross after good cross in against DC United all game long. He was finally rewarded when Paul Daglish flicked on the cross that Brian Ching hammered home, but Davis’s play impressed throughout the match.

Steve Ralston – (2)

was perfect on dead balls for New England against Colorado. His penalty kick early in the match beat Cannon despite the Rapids goalie being three yards off his line, and his perfectly driven free kick led to the Revolution’s second goal. Even though he didn’t distinguish himself over his Rev teammates during the run of play, Ralston was solid, meaning that his overall work justifies his spot on this week’s AAXI.

Brian Mullan – (6)

wasn’t his typical marauding self but he still showed why he’s one of the best midfielders in the league. He matched the tireless Josh Gros stride-for-stride all night and played some excellent defense to help limit DC’s offense.

Jacob Thomas – (5)

was inserted in to the match in the second half he changed it all around and led the Crew to two goals to put the game out of FCD’s reach. The first being a rocket off a free kick that was 30 yards out - too bad there’s no video from this one; it was glorious although it still wouldn’t have beaten Ching’s bicycle for MLS Goal of the Week.

Josmer Altidore – (3)

is almost single handedly keeping New York in the race to make the playoffs. With his second game winning goal in three games, and third straight game with a goal, Altidore justified Bruce Arena’s decision to give the 16 year old his first starting spot.

Josh Wolff – (5)

was involved in all three Kansas City goals. Had Wolff played like this more often this season, KC wouldn’t be fighting for their playoff lives. But this is the weekly AAXI, not the season AAXI, and Wolff belongs here. The goal he scored was pure power, and got the Wizards off on the right foot.

Jason Kreis – (5)

netted a terrific equalizer that earned Real a precious point on the road at Kansas City. After RSL went down a goal early in the game, Kreis dropped back to let other players loose on the attack, and he blocked a good chance for KC early in the second half. But needing a goal, RSL pushed Kreis forward, and he hit a powerful header off the post that he followed up and knocked home for his eighth of the season.

Alan Gordon – (2)

is growing into a pretty good forward. His assist on Pete Vagenas’ goal was very well done and scored himself on an unstoppable header late in the game. The AAXI staff isn’t sure if he’s a target forward like Ching or a poacher like Taylor Twellman or something else, but he looked pretty good Saturday night against Chivas USA.
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• And ismitje said, “Let there be an AAXI header”; and there was an AAXI header.
• And ismitje said, “Let the best players in MLS be gathered together into one place, and let the AAXI list appear.” And it was so.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on ismitje. That’s the price you pay for omnipotence.

There comes a week every season where the AAXI staff has a hard time coming up with a full slate of eleven Yank players with whom to fill out a squad. In a way, it is amazing that we’ve made it this long in Season Eleven before encountering the problem. But the truth is, sometimes we can’t justify eleven, and don’t want to put someone on the team just for the sake of having them there.

The reasons for this scenario involve two factors. The most obvious one is that international players stood out last week. Certainly Trinidadian Scott Sealy, Guatemalan Carlos Ruiz, Irishman Andy Dorman, Argentine Christian Gomez, Canadian Dwayne DeRosario, and Mexican Panchito Mendoza had terrific games last week. But usually such games by international players don’t come at the expense of strong performances by Yanks; this week they did.

This brings us to the second factor. Most of the games last weekend were tense affairs, featuring cautious teams trying not to lose and so not risking much in attack (the exceptions being the DC United-New York Red Bulls 4-3 barnburner and a furious Galaxy attack stymied by Matt Pickens). This means that despite several low scoring games, only one American defender got the nod (Greg Vanney). Our reasoning? It isn’t particularly hard to keep the score down when the opposing team does relatively little to attack the goal.

And so, we bring you this week the eight man AAXI. Why not? We’ve featured twelve and thirteen man AAXI lineups earlier this season, so in a sense out 1-4-2 is just evening things out a bit.
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Matt Pickens – (1)

Pickens put in what may be the best goalkeeping performance in Toyota Park history. Ten saves and many other chances deflated before the Galaxy got off a shot - Pickens was amazing and is almost single handedly responsible for eliminating LA from the playoff hunt. Alan Gordon in particular must be having nightmares of Pickens.
Greg Vanney – (2)

Vanney contributed to the Dallas attack throughout the game against RSL, while his defense may have benefitted from Salt Lake’s inexplicable decision to play long ball the whole game.

Richard Mulrooney – (2)

The midfielder made some very nice runs to support the attack and still kept up with his midfield patrol duties.

Jonathan Bornstein – (7)

Bornstein showcased passing in the Colorado game that was simply outstanding, connecting Valderrama-style with Ante Razov and Panchito Mendoza.

Ben Olsen – (4)

Olsen was the engine in DC’s remarkable victory. Undermanned due to suspensions and injuries, and later down to ten men following Facundo Erpen’s bizarre ejection, Olsen was a dynamo on both sides of the ball, and had a pretty assist on Moreno’s goal.

Kyle Beckerman – (4)

Beckerman may be one of the only Rapids players who really seemed to sense the urgency of the playoff push in the late game against Chivas USA. With one exception, all dangerous looking attacks came through a player generally considered a defensive midfielder. Beckerman’s play this year has been terrific, and he for one is thriving under enigmatic coach Fernando Clavijo.

Kenny Cooper – (9)

He scored a ridiculously beautiful goal on a solid, veteran keeperin the playoff-clinching win for the team for Frisco.

Josmer Altidore – (2)

This rookie has come out of nowhere to be one of the only positive lights in a dimming Red Bulls season. This week he had just over fifteen minutes to add some life to the New York attack, and he looked dangerous before connecting on a sweet stoppage time goal to pull the Red Bulls within a goal. The sixteen year old now has as many goals in his 70 minutes of action as Eddie Johnson in 1474.

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• Header by ismitje. (All hail ismitje!)
• List compiled and edited by ismitje.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Fernando Clavijo. Just because!

Some of the AAXI staff had the chance to catch ESPN2’s broadcast of Once In A Lifetime, the well received documentary of the heyday of the New York Cosmos. It was a fun way to spend the evening - more fun, some would argue, than the Revs-Red Bulls game which preceded it - but there were some things in Once In A Lifetime that we found ourselves wishing had only happened that one time. We speak specifically of a scene that features people talking about Pele’s first game at the stadium on Randalls Island - his feet were green at the end, with what he thought was a fungus. Turns out they had spray painted the field green to give the appearance of a nice grass field.

And that’s the kind of field “improvement” that we wish was a one-time thing, unnecessary thirty years after the spray paint incident for Pele’s first game. But we have more than our fair share of attempts to manipulate less than ideal field conditions. Some of these even happen on the bane of many players and fans, where fields of Field Turf have been installed in place of grass. In stadiums where MLS shares occupancy with NCAA or NFL teams, this leads to the periodic “erasing” of the football lines and logos - which are never quite gone, and put a disappointing stamp of sorts on the field even before the late season re-painting of “UTES” and “GIANTS” and the like. But painting isn’t the only problem, as the sand on some of the fields has to be watered, and the rubber pellets on others have to be “ploughed” to get them up near the service. Watering and ploughing artificial turf? Seriously?

As bad as the Field Turf stadiums are, and odd the manipulations are, it often pains us as fans to see the grass Soccer Specific Stadiums [SSS] in need of something reminiscent of the Cosmos’ long ago spray paint job. Of course, this stems from the stadiums not being truly SSS, but that’s a topic for another AAXI. What results is fields in need of quick improvement. Torn up grass and vast swatches of bare grass, muddy fields and fields that are too dry. Heroic efforts are needed to get these things looking even quasi-presentable for television broadcasts, and the result is many of us cringing when we see the games on TV or in person.

They may not be the best looking fields week in and week out, but how does one improve a field that just hosted the X-Games, Major League Baseball (and its associated dirt infield), or an R&B concert? Green spray paint, anyone?
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And on to the list for Week 25. After a season of odd formations, we toss a new one at you this time around: the ever popular 2-2-4, with 3 goalkeepers. Is it our fault if three of the best eleven Yank performances were from netminders? Hardly. The “G” Goalies Three are presented in alphabetical order for your reading pleasure.

Scott Garlick – (1)

Scotty “Pepper” really kept Salt Lake in the game as the second half opened with his team down a goal to Dallas and down a man as well. He made four strong saves - and gave up no rebounds - to keep the deficit at a goal and pave the way for RSL’s remarkable comeback win. Without the stellar play of Garlick, the rest of the team’s effort would have come to naught.

Bill Gaudette – (2)

Gaudette kept the Crew in the game against the Red Bulls almost single handedly as an anemic offense was accompanied by two very soft ejections, leaving Gaudette to bail out Columbus time and again. He even saved a penalty kick, and with five minutes left it appeared likely that he would earn Columbus an unlikely point. Josmer Altidore’s bomb may have been saveable, but you can hardly fault Wild Bill on the night.

El Guzano – (2)

Brad Guzan had a pair of good performances last week. El Guzano was probably the best player on Sunday night in the Chivas-Houston game. He completely controlled his box and left Houston’s predictable, crossing and long ball offense helpless. He just ate up everything that Houston put in the air in the box and, well, Houston likes to put everything in the air in the box. He also had a couple of very nice reaction saves. Midweek he made one of the best saves of the year late in the game, robbing Carlos Ruiz like a Gringo in Tijuana. Ruiz hit a snap header from 8 yards out, head high and moving to Guzan’s right. The kid had no business saving it, but he made a beautiful diving save anyway.

Craig Waibel – (4)

Waibel began the game as the right outside back and then moved to central defense after Ryan Cochrane left the game injured. Ante Razov will get his chances, but Waibel kept him out of the game for most of the night. Interestingly, the Houston offense usually started from Waibel’s position at right back when he was there. Regardless of where Houston recovered the ball, the backs or Clark would get it to Waibel who would then set up newcomer Paul Dalglish, DeRo, or Brian Ching from the wing. Waibel - yes, that Waibel - actually helped make up for the loss of Brian Mullan on the right until he had to move over centrally.

C.J. Brown – (2)

This veteran sometimes seems like the kindest enforcer in the league. Other times, he brings the scowling hammer, but against DC he was the former - whack you with a kindly smile seemed to be his MO. Brown shut down every attack that came at him - mostly through a pedestrian Jaime Moreno but when others threatened as well. It ended up something of a drab affair, and it’s fair that a defender take the player of the match honors for the game.

Ricardo Clark – (6)

Clark may have had one of his most effective games ever. He let nothing move through the center of the park. Clark absolutely terrorized the Chivas midfield, which is otherwise perfectly capable of quick, smart ball movement. He made Chivas’ usually sharp midfield look like the fifth choice midfield for the Crew (which, unfortunately enough for Crew fans, is the one that has taken the field most often this year). He also connected fairly well in attack with Dwayne DeRosario, Ching, and Kenny Dalglish’s kid.

Chris Klein – (3)

Klein was a force down the right side of the field for Real Salt Lake. He scored one of the more ludicrous goals you’ll see, beating five Dallas defenders and slotting the ball through Dario Sala’s legs and into the far side netting from a ridiculous angle to tie the game. His hard crosses from the right were also difficult to deal with all night, and he dropped back effectively in helping lead RSL to an unlikely 10-man win after trailing 2-1. Too bad more of you couldn’t see the game; it was one of the best MLS games this year.

Jonathan Bornstein – (6)

This AAXI favorite again looked dangerous for Chivas USA. I don’t think he had any idea that Juan Pablo Garcia was charging forward when his touch ended up in Garcia’s path, but the presence that Bornstein had to get in the position in the first place, and then stymie Dario Sala with the pullback - great stuff.

Abe Thompson – (1)

Thompson was part of an attack that really clicked in the first half in Salt Lake City. Thompson had assists on both the goals that Carlos Ruiz scored, and played a fine game overall. This isn’t his first good game in the Wasatch, either, as he scored his first professional goal there last year. We may see more of Mr. Thompson in future Dallas games - he looked to be one of the only Dallas players who really cared for 90 minutes.

Jason Kreis – (4)

Old Man Kreis has received his fair share of criticism from Salt Lake fans this year - much of it a bit on the unfair side. Coach John Ellinger has moved him around a good bit to plug whatever hole needed plugging, often multiple times in the same game, and Kreis has done so uncomplainingly. But since he has been expected to score goals, and has only seven, folks have been frustrated. Saturday night he did it all. He started up top with Attiba Harris, then dropped back as defensive mid when Carey Talley was red carded about half an hour in. A tactical substitution saw him back up top in half two, a position from which he scored a sweet winning goal - at which time he dropped deep again. A true veteran performance.

Josmer Altidore – (1)

The rookie made his first MLS goal count - in a big way. His game-winning goal advanced the Red Bulls’ halfhearted playoff “charge” a critical step. Yes, we noticed that Columbus decided not to defend him, and Gaudette could have done more than just try a fingertip save, but Altidore showed a great leg, killer instinct, confidence and athleticism in one dazzling moment. Notably, he did not earn a Sierra Mist endorsement for his trouble, though he did become the youngest non-Adu to score in league history.
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• Header by ismitje. (All other AAXI contributors appear like midgets next to ismitje.)
• List compiled and edited by ismitje with input from a bunch of veritable midgets.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Max “I was sure the Galaxy would make the playoffs” Bretos.

Believe it or not, the AAXI staff is not the first group to collaborate on a weekly soccer column focused all or in part on the American game. In fact, as difficult as it is for us to admit, this may not even be the finest collaborative soccer column we’ve read. Those of you new to the American soccer scene, or too young to remember the “old days” of 1999-2002, missed one of the great weekly reads. And just as we’d like this humble column to be remembered some day, we’re turning this week’s header over to honor the Late, Great soccer column to which we refer: the Turd of the Week (TotW).

Before we begin, a word of caution. As you might infer from the title, the Turd of the Week may not be entirely work safe. True, the images and graphics are far from cutting edge today, and almost all of them are quite funny, but some might hold some surprise “all these years” later. Regardless, feel free to click over to view an archive of the columns at http://prestonm.com/brewcity/totw.shtml - all 150 of them - at any time. You’re liable to be hooked and end up reading the entire archive.

The Turd of the Week was the brainchild of erstwhile Milwaukee Rampage fan Preston McMurry, whose goal was to pursue “to ends of the Earth the cretins, jerks, morons, bozos, and buffoons who persist in ruining the Beautiful Game.” Other fans had only to take the TotW oath to qualify to write for the Turd of the Week column, which an impressive 58 people in addition to Mr. McMurry decided to do. Not surprisingly, the initial targets (honorees?) of the column were major players in the world of soccer - USSF President Bob Contiguglia (for his support of a biannual World Cup), UEFA President Lennart Johannsen (for tacitly supporting the two-referee system), and FIFA President Sepp Blatter (for floating the idea of changing all soccer leagues to February-November schedules). The early columns didn’t feature much more than the Turd himself (or herself - ex-UNC and USWNT player Debbie Keller appeared in both 1999 and 2002), but the complexity of the column expanded quickly to include rants, occasional statistical analysis, a weekly blotter of soccer-related imbroglios, and a vastly expanded list of honorees. Consider the following:

TotW #9 - Greek Mutt
TotW #36 - Fernando Marcos (USL president)
TotW #53- Big Mouth Asshole Parents (BMAPs, a favorite subject)
TotW #62 - Metros Fans Who Love Oldfart (aka Lothar Matthaus)
TotW #88 - BigSoccer.com
TotW #106 - USA Defense
TotW #148 - People of Columbus

True, it could not have been fun being the target of one of the columns, but for many of the rest of us, it was a fun way to spend time every week - even those of us who never took the TotW oath.

So as inappropriate as it may seem to honor a Turd - here’s to the Late, Great Turd of the Week.

On to the list. We had so much positive feedback that we’ve brought back the 5-2-3. Don’t like long ball? Find us some more Yank midfielders to excel week in and week out!
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Jon Conway – (2)

… is the only reason that the Red Bulls weren’t blown out of this one. Most of his seven saves were very difficult, and he needed to be at the top of his game to give New York a chance to tie as the game wound down. Both Clint Dempsey and Andy Dorman would have seen one of their multiple chances hit the back of the net if not for good play from Conway. The choice for starting keeper in New York just got tougher - Tony Meola and his big contract are probably out in the offseason.

Eddie Pope – (5)

… once again stymied an opponent, this time Jaime Moreno, in a draw against DC United. He also anticipated through balls very well and started the Salt Lake attack a number of times. In fact, Pope fit into DC United’s attack so well, you’d think he was their third forward. On top of all that, he roamed forward enough to add a threat to Real’s attack.

CJ Brown – (1)

… has been relatively nondescript this season - nothing spectacular, but good enough to shore up the three man backline. He did look good against the Crew - and any defender who hasn’t scored since 1998 (201 games!) and who helped hold off a hard-charging opponent with a man advantage deserves a nod.

Bryan Namoff – (1)

… played well in something of a makeshift DC defense that mostly kept Jeff Cunningham in check. In fact, Namoff himself seemed to have primary responsibility for marking Cunningham, who rarely popped up to threaten the DC goal.

Greg Vanney – (1)

… has quietly put together one of the better seasons of any MLS defender. He played well again against Chivas, helping the Western Conference leaders to a tie at the Home Depot Center. Fellow defender Clarence Goodson seemed to pop up more on the offensive end - on set pieces - than on the defensive end, so Vanney gets the nod.

Craig Waibel – (3)

… was back in the lineup for the Dynamo and played a typically solid game, while also scoring a goal. Waibel was not the most graceful guy out there, but he got his job done with hard tackles, good positioning, and an incredibly timely goal. Of course, when you make a run and a corner kick lands on your foot, you’d better score!

Pete Vagenas – (1)

… played what may be his first really good game of the year in a 2-1 loss to Houston. Where this attacking-minded version of Pete has been all year is a question that Galaxy fans have to be asking after this display.

Brad Davis – (3)

… didn’t last the whole game, but until he was subbed out late in the second half he played a great game. Davis’ defense is still a little suspect, but he’s now making up for that with intensified effort. He also played parts in both of Houston’s goals, setting up Waibel’s goal with a nice corner kick, and battling Pete Vagenas to spring DeRosario for the game winner.

Davy Arnaud – (2)

… netted a nice pair on Saturday. With two goals on great shots, the reigning MLS Player of the Week is the latest Wizard to pick up the scoring slack from projected scoring duo Josh Wolff and Eddie Johnson, joining Scott Sealy and Jose Burciaga, Jr. with as many or more goals than KC’s Big Guns.

Jeff Cuningham – (6)

… had another quality assist against DC. Stymied on a through ball by surprise United starter Nick Rimando, Cunningham pulled back his run, turned deftly, and laid a perfect ball to a surging Chris Klein, who put the ball in off the far post. Cunningham gets credit for his speed and his goals, but his passing has also been excellent - and his ten assists are tied for the league lead.

Kenny Cooper – (8)

… has been absent from the AAXI for far too many weeks in a row. No fear; Cooper scored a beautiful goal against Chivas USA and again demonstrated excellent touch on the ball. This time he sent a beautiful long range shot past a diving Brad Guzan and into the far upper corner. Welcome back, Mr. Cooper!
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• Header by ismitje.
• List compiled and edited by ismitje with input from the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Chief Apologist Bill Archer.

Some of the most pressing questions of American soccer fandom elude most of us. Interestingly, these pressing questions don’t include discussions of MLS moving to a European schedule, or whether or not MLS should adopt a single table, or how many teams should get in the playoffs. The real most pressing question of American soccer fandom is this: which of the noise devices common to MLS stadiums is most annoying? This week the AAXI staff looks at four of the most pervasive sources of “artificial” noise at MLS stadiums, which includes almost anything not produced by clapping, stomping, shouting, or singing alone. Sorry, Chivas USA supporters: those odd wooden, ratchety noise makers don’t make the list, since they’re still a unique staple of your team’s fans.

Canned Music Canned music is a staple of the American sports stadium experience. In other settings, canned music is actually a popular, effective way to generate excitement and enthusiasm among a crowd exposed to too many stoppages in the action. What would pointy ball be without music during the television breaks, or baseball without both canned music and organ tunes between batters and innings? But why anyone thinks that imposing canned music into the flowing action of an MLS match is a mystery. It sounds lame in Kansas City, and it sounds bad in Salt Lake City, and it just doesn’t work . . . anywhere. Add in the fact that it tends to be the same songs regardless of sport and regardless of city (see Rob Walker’s 2003 article on slate.com for details) and the annoyance level rises. Annoyance factor (scale of 1-10) = 8.

Stadium Horns Why do these things retail for so little? Even slapping the official merchandising logo of an NFL team on one of these things only jacks the price up to around $6, meaning that the low end plastic odes to joy cost less than a stadium dog - even on Columbus’s famous Buck-a-Brat night. Your friends over at Stadium Toys (“The place for noisemakers”) Have a new version called the Rally Horn that makes it easier to hold and so more accessible to more people (shudder), since kids don’t have to worry about that long handle. And kids with a stadium horn are incapable of getting bored while blowing the things, so they’re guaranteed to give hours of fun all game long - and before the game, and in the concession area, and at halftime, and in the parking lot, and in your sleep when you get home . . . Annoyance factor: 10

Thunder Sticks Some of the AAXI staffers remember the novelty of the first US Soccer Thunder Sticks that we beheld, which were distributed in a game in Portland, Oregon in the run-up to World Cup 1998. Like that famous result from that Spring in Austria, when the US first used the 3-6-1 and pounded a European team on European soil, 3-0, the debut of the thunder stick seemed to promise good things for the American fan experience. Like what happened with the 3-6-1 that Summer, when the US crashed out of the World Cup in last place, the thunder stick has since failed to live up to the hype. The noise is simply to easy to make, and too difficult to incorporate into the ebb and flow of a soccer game. Perhaps this tidbit from San Francisco Chronicle writer Scott Ostler sums up how some of us feel about the now-ubiquitous thunder sticks: “Memo to all you slack-jawed thunder-stick pounders: To give those things the dignity they deserve, a simple pin-stick will convert them to Whoopie Cushions.” Annoyance factor: 6.

Cow Bells Cow bells have some strong proponents amongst American soccer fans. Fan groups like to use them - nowhere more than at Mississippi State University, where school officials had to ban them due to the overwhelming din they created at home games. Individuals like them too, such as the New York Mets own “CowBell Man” who clangs his all over Shea Stadium to mixed reviews (you can read some strong opinions about the role of CowBell Man at) . And even though some “true” American soccer fans - who wouldn’t be caught uttering a positive word about stadium horns, thunder sticks, or canned music - like them, what makes the cow bell an acceptable part of American soccer fandom? That they may have been used in a soccer culture elsewhere first is one guess. But the relative stature of cow bells makes it had for us to rate them low - Annoyance factor: 6.
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As usual, the AAXI for this week is in a bit of an unorthodox lineup: the 5-2-3. If you don’t have a strong midfield, why not hoof it up to the forwards and go from there?

Troy Perkins – (6)

Can you make the AAXI without making any particularly outstanding stops, especially in a week when Joe Canon stood up RSL? Perkins didn’t make many memorable saves, but that’s because he controlled his box so well, and kept things organized in the back so well, that Chivas hardly gave him - or DC United - any trouble.

Ryan Cochrane – (4)

Some of us on the AAXI staff don’t like the guy, but that is only because he plays for a team other than our own. His physical play in the back and dominance in the air in the midweek clash with the Fire was quite impressive. Nate Jaqua was able to win maybe a header or two all night, because Cochrane was winning damn near every aerial battle he leapt into. He committed a couple dumb fouls, and was annoyed with Calen Carr’s speed, but a little maturing and he could further solidify himself as a solid member of any back line in MLS.

Dasan Robinson – (6)

His play has been consistent over the last two months, pretty much since he broke into, and established himself in the Fire’s starting lineup. Against Houston he won nearly every head ball that he challenged for. He spent the night breaking up plays, distributing well from the back, and keeping several Dynamo players in check. And the funny thing is, this was in his “weak” game of the week as he looked even better on Sunday against New York. His only apparent deficiency at the moment is his hesitancy to make runs forward. He isn’t afraid to make pinpoint passes in the air or on the ground to streaking forwards or midfielders, but he rarely ventures very far forward. Building his confidence a bit more could see the emergence of Carlos Bocanegra’s successor in full.

Eddie Pope – (4)

Eddie Pope played a pair of strong games, although RSL split the week’s games. Midweek against LA, he led something of a makeshift defense with fellow central defender Jack Stewart out on a red card suspension. With Pope calmly controlling the middle of the field, there were lengthy swaths of the game where Landon Donovan’s name wasn’t even mentioned. In the close loss to Colorado on Saturday he wore the armband and did his best to keep an edgy game from getting out of hand.

Pablo Mastroeni – (4)

True, Mastroeni should probably share this week’s spot with Dan Gargan. And true, his post game celebration was downright bizarre. But Pablo played as good a defensive match as any player has in MLS this year in almost completely shutting down Jeff Cunningham in the Rocky Mountain Cup grudge match. This was the kind of performance not often seen by MLS fans but which keep Mastro a USNT regular. The reason that he gets the nod over Gargan is that both of the games in which Gargan has excelled have come in the pair of games he has lined up next to Mastroeni - meaning that Pablo gets an “assist” in Gargan’s good showing.

Chris Leitch – (1)

Leitch rarely ventured forward since he probably knew that Crew teammate Eddie Gaven would not cover for him. The good news is that this allowed Leitch to concentrate almost exclusively on his defense. This meant that the Revs got nearly nothing going down Leitch’s side of the field and eventually switched their attack almost exclusively to the other side of the field.

Justin Mapp – (4)

The guy has finally found his role for the Fire. As a free roaming AM Mapp is at his most dangerous. Against Houston he was all over the field, giving their defense fits as he made dangerous runs and whipped crosses into the box. His run to meet a nice through ball from CJ Brown and cutback before his shot to beat Onstad wasn’t beautiful or spectacular, but an example of pure, simple soccer. He still disappeared for short stretches, and could have therefor had a greater impact on the game, but his performance was good enough for the nomination in a weak week for AAXI midfielders.

Sasha Victorine – (3)

Both Victorine and fellow wide midfielder Jack Jewsbury regularly appeared on weekly AAXI lists early in the season, but have long since disappeared from the ranks of the Yank elite. Last week’s games saw the return of solid play from Victorine, as he put in a pair of strong performances in a week that featured great news for the long term future of the team in Kansas City off the field, but a relatively disappointing week on the field.

Calen Carr – (1)

This rookie just oozes potential, and we saw flashes of greatness against Houston. His speed and willingness to take on opposing players bodes well for his future. What stood out was the multitude of slicing and slashing runs he made, literally “Carrving” up the Dynamo defense. If the Fire midfield had been able to pass better than a u-11 AYSO team he might have had a goal or three, but he proved dangerous, drawing fouls and keeping the Houston defense on their toes all night.

Jason Garey – (1)

Has any rookie been more disparaged this season than Garey? Deservedly so, true, until this week. He scored the opening goal off a rebound and played roles in the other two Crew goals as well as Columbus exploded for a 3-0 win over New England. Garey is not currently the most skilled forward in the league, but on the night he knew exactly how to be in the right place in the right time and never quit. Despite the safe lead, he was still hassling the Revs defenders in the dying minutes of the game. Essentially, he out-Taylor Twellmaned Taylor Twellman.

Alan Gordon – (1)

Gordon may be the best story of the last month in MLS. Seemingly on his way to Portland to get some playing time, coach Frank Yallop instead kept him in LA and gave him three straight starts. A goal last week was followed by a midweek game against RSL, when Gordon was about the only positive thing the Galaxy had going for them. He couldn’t replicate his previous performance and score a goal, but you could bet that whenever LA generated any sort of pressure, Gordon was the cause of it. Then over the weekend he exploded for a brace against Kansas City in an important Galaxy win, and always seemed on the verge of doing something else noteworthy. Glad you could stay, Mr. Gordon.
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• Header by ismitje.
• List compiled and edited by ismitje with input from the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Sigi Schmid.

MLS on YouTube, Part Two: The Eastern Conference

Last week we introduced those few of you who have never heard of it to YouTube, that wonderful website where fans of all sorts of pastimes can go to see video clips of their favorite performers, whoever or whatever they may be. Fans of the AAXI are, by extension, fans of Major League Soccer, and YouTube is the best place this side of MLSNet to watch a variety of MLS and MLS-related highlights. For the AAXI Week 22, we considered the Western Conference; now it’s the Eastern Conference’s turn. The criteria remains the same: videos must be found via entering only the team name, rather than a particular player, and a particular video must focus on some aspect of the team or a player to be included in the review (meaning, All Star Game highlights that pop up in a search for DC United don’t count towards the DC total listed herein).

This week we take a look at the six Eastern Conference teams and try to identify the “best” clip available on YouTube.

Chicago Fire Much like last week’s entry on the Colorado Rapids, it comes as no surprise that a search for “Chicago Fire” on YouTube brings all sorts of videos. Many of them are videos of the Chicago Fire Department fighting fires all over the city, but there’s still an impressive 60 clips of the team itself. Well, maybe it’s less impressive when you consider that 10 of the first 12 videos have something to do with the recent visit of Chivas USA to Toyota Park. And it is certainly odd to find a lengthy slide show (?!) in place where video is the expected media. But there’s a great video there that should equally please fans of the Fire specifically and league generally: Damani Ralph, 2003 Rookie of the Year. Fire fans get to see a few of the many great moments Ralph generated that season; people who miss the heady days of removing shirts to celebrate goals get to see Ralph’s chest over and over; the rest of us get to see the immortal Paul Grafer and his pants try to stop Ralph.

Columbus Crew Sometimes fans owe allegiance to odd combinations of team, so it isn’t inconceivable that you would find a combination video featuring both DC United and Columbus Crew highlights. But why only for the 1999 season? YouTube poster sum1uno2 is the culprit, but there’s just no way the AAXI staff will criticize this guy: check out the whole list of videos he posted and you’ll find highlight packages from many MLS games, clips from a couple of NASL Soccer Bowls, and even a video featuring “Great US Soccer Hair” (!). Considering everything, sum1uno2 is welcome to post odd combinations of MLS team highlights if he wants. Also found in the modest list of Crew clips (11 total) is the grainiest shot of the Crewzers performing at halftime that one could imagine, and what must be the “best” clip on there for Crew fans: Greg Andrulis walking off the field for the last time as Crew manager, with the jeers raining down on him. Too bad there’s no clip of the famous “pink slip” moment from 2005 when the embattled coach was showered with pink confetti.

DC United Not surprisingly, DC United is the champ amongst all MLS teams with a whopping 98 videos posted to YouTube. Some are odd - “DC United Offsides Goal,” anyone? - and certainly the Barra Brava almost deserves a section of its own. In fact, there’s so many videos of the Barra Brava doing its thing that you start to wonder if some of its members are more enamored of the supporter group, or DC United itself - regardless of how interesting some of the clips are. In a nice touch, you can also see something unique for MLS teams: a compilation of the “Best Saves of 2004” featuring both Troy Perkins and Nick Rimando. It’s a classy touch, and the “best” clip among many fine DC United offerings.

Kansas City Wizards Last week the AAXI staff gave Colorado Rapids fans a bit of a bad time because the team only has 11 videos on YouTube. Well, a search for the Kansas City Wizards reveals no clips whatsoever. No clips! AAXI staffers had to violate the search criteria for the activity and include the team’s prior name in the search - Kansas City Wiz. Again, no clips! But one of the multitude of DC United clips featured Nick Garcia’s first MLS goal, so figuring out how to link to it using only the team name is theoretically possible. “KC Wizards” does the trick, and reveals . . . an underwhelming two videos. Both feature Garcia’s goal. And for such a small sample, the “best” clip is surprisingly good. KC Metrosports did a nice piece on the goal. The clip begins with Jimmy Conrad describing how he tried to catch up with Garcia to celebrate with him, but couldn’t, for Garcia “was like a man possessed.” Well, any of us might be if we played 181 games without scoring a goal, as Garcia had up to that point. The video concludes with an interview featuring Conrad upon his return to MLS from World Cup duty. Good stuff, but come on, KC fans - no clips? Even the defunct Tampa Bay Mutiny have a highlight clip on YouTube!

New England Revolution The selection of Revolution videos isn’t as extensive as one might imagine, given the team’s recent history of playing in big games and popular players who might draw dedicated YouTubers posting clips of their every move (no, not Steve Ralston groupies: we mean Clint “Deuce” Dempsey). You do find the longest clip of any MLS team featured in our overview (more than ten minutes from a single 2005 game between the Revolution and the MetroStars) among the 26 Revolution clips. And there’s one truly odd video entitled “Aftermath of Taylor Twellman Goal” that shows almost nothing aside from the male pattern baldness of the guy standing in front of whoever wielded the camera. But the “best” clip is the appropriately titled “Me @ Gillette Stadium” - three students from the English High School ask, “do you want to learn about the Revolution? Then come follow us.” They teach you everything there is to know about the team in a clip that lasts precisely one minute and thirty-one seconds. Apparently ex-broadcast team Adrian Healy and Brad Feldman - who feature prominently - are what the Revs are all about.

New York Red Bulls In one sense it isn’t quite fair to compare the number and quality of videos for a newly rebranded team like the Red Bulls with one of MLS’s original franchises. But we held the Dynamo to the same standard last week, and they managed some pretty interesting stuff in their 29 clips. Searching for New York Red Bulls generates more clips than Houston - 42 in all. You can learn a good deal even before you watch the clips, since YouTubers get to describe whatever they upload. For example, did you know that the early summer exhibition victory for the Red Bulls over Bayern Munich was fixed to help NYRB become more popular(how’d that work out, by the way?)? Neither did we, but there in the description of peruvianproduct’s “Pizzaro vs. Red Bull” clip we learn the shocking truth. Another way to learn great stuff is to read the comments other YouTubers posted after watching the video. YoungGunz92’s video of a minor altercation between NYRB and DC fans is no great shakes, but the comments that follow are quite bizarre and somewhat engaging reading. Regardless, the “best” clip for the new squad is “Amado Guevara talks about Red Bull NY” on Univision. The question is, are even YouTube video clips related to soccer more exciting because they’re in Spanish and on Univision? If this same clip were recorded in English by an ESPN announcer, would the AAXI staff judge it the “worst” NYRB YouTube clip?
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Ah, the offense - where has it been these past few AAXI teams? Nowhere except at the feet of Jeff Cunningham. But with Cunningham off this week’s list, we find ourselves fielding a line-up that would make fans happy, and coaches cringe: the 4-2-4.

Joe Cannon – (3)

The man almost single handedly kept Colorado in the game against the Fire. The Fire threatened over and over throughout the game and consistently it was Cannon coming off his line or making the big save that kept the Rapids alive. His vision of the field is second to none, and as far as reflexes go, he’s almost inhuman. Chicago eventually eked out the win on an quick shot off a corner by Dasan Robinson (see below), but Cannon really looked good.

Tony Sanneh – (1)

Remember when Sanneh was affectionately known as the Big Cat? The oft-injured defender with the big contract has been known to Fire fans as “Big Cash” these past two ineffective seasons. But since returning from his latest injury, he’s come as close as we’ve seen him to his old form. Against the Rapids Sanneh was dominant in the air, kept Thiago Matins in check for nearly every second of the game, and distributed well from the back. Big Cash is finally earning his paycheck.

Dasan Robinson – (5)

We’re almost sorry to bring Robinson up again, but the kid just keeps playing good games. This time around what really stood out was his composure on and off the ball. When he’s defending he doesn’t commit or dive in unnecessarily, and he is physically tough in the air and on the ground. Offensively, he holds the ball well, is a good passer, and as we found out against Colorado, can put the ball in the back of the net. Bornstein and Kjlestan are always at the top of the ROTY list for pretty much everyone, but Robinson is deservedly right on their heels.

Jeff Larentowicz – (1)

Jeff Who? Larentowicz. He isn’t a rookie - a lone minute against DC United in 2005 took care of that status - but has to be considered among the impressive crop of new players in the league. With twelve starts and eighteen appearances he’s no stranger to the Revolution lineup, but his solid defense and game winning goal against the Crew still probably surprised some people.

Rusty Pierce – (2)

Rusty returned to one of his old stomping grounds (New England) and looked good in the losing effort for the Crew. He got forward on one dangerous break and spent the rest of the game making life difficult for the Revolution attackers. Too bad he and Richie Kotschau seem to be alternating injuries - the two of them plus SI’s Marcos Gonzales and Jose Retiz could make up a solid defense.

Jonathan Bornstein – (5)

The first member of our two-man midfield has more recently made the AAXI as a forward. This weekend he lined up further from goal, but the result was the same: another tally (complemented by an assist) for the ROTY frontrunner. Is he going to be the latest left-sided player to keep Jose Burciaga Jr. off the US National team?

Sacha Kjlestan – (3)

One thing the AAXI staff agreed upon this week was the two members of the midfield, both from Chivas USA. Nothing particular stood out from what was a terrific overall effort, although his assist on Ante Razov’s well-taken second goal was pretty good. His 7 assists lead Chivas and put him sixth in MLS - welcome to the league, Sacha!

Edson Buddle – (3)

Edson couldn’t have looked more casual on his way to a hat trick, as if it had all been arranged between Bruce and Edson before the game that he’d rest for a half while RSL got tired, defending down a man, and then go in and utterly dominate. His third goal was a brilliant mix of hustle and composure in the box, beating Jay Nolly to a bouncing ball, turning, and calmly placing the ball where only a defender’s hand could possibly have stopped it. He wasn’t phased that his first goal briefly seemed to have been incorrectly called a goal-line clearance, nor was he phased that he popped in a surpassingly brilliant header. We’re sorry that we bet a buddy a drink for every Red Bulls goal. We’re also still hung over. But Jay Nolly probably has post-traumatic stress disorder from the whole experience, so we’re not so bad off after al.

John Wolyniec – (1)

Woly just looks right in Giants Stadium. Sure, he’s wearing yet another new uniform, but Wolyniec, his cheering section, and Bruce Arena could be a great combination, even if Buddle pushes him to the pine at some point. Wolyniec set the tone for the game with a great run onto a perfectly-weighted through ball from Youri Djorkaeff, suckering Jack Stewart into an 8th minute red card (yeah, 82 minutes on the road in August down a man should work . . .). The RSL winning streak was doomed from that point on. Plus, Woly earned a secondary assist on goal #1, made an unselfish pass for an assist on goal #5, and for some reason, was still hustling in the 80-somethingth minute to pick up a garbage goal for #6. If you’re scoring at home, that’s a drawn red card, a goal, and two assists, for a guy two teams couldn’t wait to get rid of within the last couple months. Yet another brilliant personnel move by the Red Bulls Finally the Red Bulls made a “positive karma” move, and were rewarded.

Landon Donovan – (4)

You might have heard that the Galaxy systematically dismantled DC United over the weekend. Want to know why? Look no farther than the enigmatic Mr. Donovan. This week was the dominant version of Landon, whose impact reverberated far beyond the pair of goals he scored. He was dangerous at every turn, and tracked far back on defense when the occasion demanded it. How far can Donovan take the re-energized Galaxy? If last year’s run is any indication, we may be watching Landon and LA play well into the Fall.

Ante Razov – (6)

Razov just killed the Dynamo. Did you know he’s really good with his left foot? That peg carried him to a pair of goals and into a tie in the race for the Golden Boot. It was definitely another MVP quality outing against Houston, as Razov and Chivas are suddenly hanging around the upper half of the Western Conference standings. One observation from the AAXI staff: Eric Wynalda’s man-crush on Ante is getting old.
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• Header by ismitje. He’s the Justin Mapp of MLS contributors.
• List compiled and edited by ismitje with input from all of the AAXI contributors who didn’t flake.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Doug Logan.

MLS on YouTube, Part One: The Western Conference

You may have heard of it - apparently it’s quite popular these days - but there’s a place besides MLSNet where you can watch all sorts of MLS and MLS-related highlights. YouTube is a global phenomenon, and our corner of the soccer world is pretty well represented thereon. And your friends on the AAXI staff have gone to the trouble of reviewing each MLS Season XI team’s presence on YouTube. The criteria: videos must be found via entering only the team name, rather than a particular player, and a particular video must focus on some aspect of the team or a player to be included in the review (meaning, All Star Game highlights that pop up in a search for the LA Galaxy don’t count towards the Galaxy total listed herein).

This week we take a look at the six Western Conference teams and try to identify the “best” clip available on YouTube.

Chivas USA There are a whopping 31 video clips featuring Chivas USA, tops for Western Conference teams. But you can’t watch most of them at work or with the kids, unless no one there understands swear words in Spanish. Chivas USA fans swearing at opposing teams, and opposing team fans swearing at Chivas USA – now that’s variety. The Red Bulls fan falling on his face while jumping up and down and singing swear words at Chivas USA does have something going for it, but the clip titled “UC Irvine vs. Chivas USA” just shows a girl rolling down a hill. Hmmm. But the “best” clip is one that demonstrates a hallmark of YouTube: film of the untelevised event. In this case, you get scenes from Chivas USA’s exhibition against Tigres in Donna, Texas – available nowhere else.

Colorado Rapids It’s no surprise that searching for “Colorado Rapids” on YouTube leads you to a host of white water rafting videos. What is surprising is that, including the rafting videos, you only get 17 hits from the search. Take out the rafting, and you’re down to 8 videos. Of those eight, you get fireworks on the Fourth of July (a big draw in Denver), two and a half minutes of Mascot Soccer (a halftime event), two clips of Brian Ching scoring against the Rapids, and the LA Galaxy playing a couple of times. Remove the compilation of departed player Jean-Phillipe Peguero scoring for Colorado and the Red Bulls, and you’re left with only one choice for “best” clip: “Big Head” featuring the partially shaved head of a Rapids fan. Nineteen seconds of the fan, followed by a written statement: the haircut stays until the Rapids win. That’s it. Come on, Rapids fans - there’s more Mascot Soccer highlights than Rapids clips! Start uploading!

FC Dallas What happens when almost half of the 27 videos posted featuring a team are variations of the same fifteen second clip? And that clip isn’t one of Carlos Ruiz’s bicycle kicks or Kenny Cooper’s headed goals, but a shot of some drummers in the supporters’ section shot from a low angle? I’m going to guess that Dallastar02 was new at the whole YouTube thing when s/he uploaded the clips for the first time. Or obsessed with that one drummer! But the best clip there - one that may make you laugh - is the appropriately named “National Anthem Played on a Saw” before an FC Dallas home game. It really does show a guy playing the anthem on a saw - and while we’re sure there’s a logical explanation for why the FC Dallas FO picked this particular way to start the game, it’s still a guy playing the national anthem on a saw!

Houston Dynamo The Dynamo just moved to Houston a short time ago, and so one might expect there to be little to see on YouTube featuring them instead of the Earthquakes or Clash. Surprise! You’ll find 29 videos featuring some aspect of the Houston Dynamo experience. Fan clips, homemade game previews, and “Stuart Holden’s first professional goal EVER!” (The capital letters from YouTuber 12dangbang12 really brings it home for the AAXI staff). It isn’t funny, but the best clip is the lengthy highlight package and interviews broadcast by Houston’s CBS affiliate following the team’s first match in 2006.

Los Angeles Galaxy The Galaxy feature in 18 videos posted on YouTube. Some of the connections are a bit tenuous, such as “Breanna singing the national anthem at a Los Angeles Galaxy game,” which was posted by a YouTube user named . . . Breanna. But there’s some fun to be had watching some of these gems. Remember the Riot Squad taking on Brad Guzan last year? Or the host of Chivas Girls blow up dolls? Pop on over and watch the clips. You can watch MLS Cup highlights featuring the Galaxy, but from a neutral standpoint the “best” Galaxy clip is this one, featuring game two of the Galaxy-Earthquake playoff series in 2003 - the one with the phenomenal San Jose comeback.

Real Salt Lake This team has only been around for a season and a half, but its recent exhibition against Real Madrid means that it is featured in an impressive 28 videos. Of course, more than half are things like “Ruud penalty against Real Salt Lake” and the like. There’s also an odd series of “how to” videos of 2-5 minutes in length from RSL players, such as “Punting” by backup goalie Jay Nolly and “Shooting” from Chris Klein. But the “best” is something that follows one of the most common (and sometimes truly bizarre) YouTube traditions: the homemade music video. Someone takes one of their favorite songs, clips things together, and off you go (the strangest ones feature clips from video games set to popular music). In RSL’s case, “RSL 2005 Goals”, is set to Weezer’s “Damage in Your Heart.” Why? Only YouTube member climbingtheladder knows.
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It’s a 5-4-1 this week for the AAXI. Once again, Jeff Cunningham is the only Yank forward to make the team. Apparently the Americans have the defensive part of the field covered, but Cunningham could use some company - where have you gone, Ante Razov?

Troy Perkins – (5)

If ever there was a game where a player deserved AAXI honors without doing anything particularly flashy, it was Wednesday against New York for Troy. His decision making, positioning, and execution were superb. He kept his defense organized, and only his distribution was short of superlative, being merely adequate. Just a great game from a player where keepers are remembered frequently more for their dubious choices in coming off the line than in their strong understanding. He got the clean sheet and bettered his best-in-the-league goals against average.

Dasan Robinson – (4)

The guy is never mentioned when it comes to Rookie of the Year candidates, and it is a crime. He’s had a stellar season for the Fire and by in large has played nearly flawless games week in and out. Did you know Eddie Johnson played against the Fire? We didn’t; we figured he was still touring Germany or something. EJ had no impact because Robinson effectively neutralized him from the first whistle to the last.

Ugo Ihemelu – (1)

Ugo receives fair criticism for an overly phsyical style, but his speed and positioning against Dallas shouldn’t be overlooked. His physical strength helps with the likes of Carlos Ruiz and Kenny Cooper, but he’s also developing a good sense of timing and increasingly gets to the right place at the right time. His defensive partner in central defense, Troy Roberts, deserves some credit this week as well.

Jack Stewart – (1)

Stepped right into the RSL defense and picked up where the injured Danny Torres left off. “Hot New Guy,” as he is known in certain circles, has been solid from his first start with RSL. And while other RSLers on this week’s AAXI may be getting much of the credit, the teams winning streak coincides with Stewart’s first start following his trade from Chicago.

Carlos Mendes – (1)

We’ll admit that one mistake by a defender could wipe out a great performance, whereas a striker only needs one good play to have a good game. And we know that Joseph Ngwenya beat Mendes on the Crew goal late in the half. But for at least 88 minutes of the game, he won every one on one match up and kept the Crew at bay. And I daresay he wasn’t the only one flummoxed by Ngwenya on that run. Hence, Mendes on the AAXI.

Bobby Boswell – (3)

Boswell made a great sliding tackle to disrupt Amado Guevara in a drab 0-0 draw with the Red Bulls. So what? Well, for one thing no one on the AAXI staff can remember the last time Bobby left his feet. He is putting together an amazing season while getting to the ground less frequently than Bruce Arena’s ego. This game was not an exception, as he neatly shielded attackers, disrupted crosses, and actually was one of the few DC defenders who could make a pass out of his own defensive third.

Justin Mapp – (4)

So, sometimes he starts, and sometimes he doesn’t because the team never knows how much “sustained Mapp” they’re going to get. He got the start last Wednesday against Kansas City, the kid was a terror. He led the Fire to victory with tireless effort and some very strong runs. Two assists (one from the left, one from the right) and a goal is a damn fine performance for Mapp; now, if only he could do it more often.

Chris Klein – (2)

The MLS Player of the Week had quite a pair of games for the suddenly hot team from Salt Lake City. In the Wednesday match, he ran absolutely rampant through the Crew defense during a sustained thirty minute siege of the Columbus goal. Sometimes he was mysteriously wide open, while most often he timed his runs prefectly. He did most of his damage on the right but looked good running left and center as well. His well-taken goal off a perfect Andy Williams feed leveled the score, and he contributed to the game winner as well. And while his goal against Houston on Saturday never crossed the goal line, Klein’s performance all game long was outstanding. He played useful balls and seemed minimally troubled by Houston’s defensive pressure.

Jacob Thomas – (4)

Thomas led the Crew attack Wednesday when it looked dangerous in the first half. In fact, Columbus looked every part the more dangerous team while he was on the field. When he left injured in minute 44, so went the Crew offense - and the defensive pressure in the midfield as well. His foray down the right and into RSL’s box led to the Crew penalty and a 1-0 lead. Still, his apparent fragility has to be troubling - or perhaps he keeps rushing back from injury and would do well to stay off the field until he’s fully healed.

Carey Talley – (4)

Scored the game winning-goal Wednesday with a well-placed shot off of Cunningham’s setup. His play may not have been spectacular, but he played hard, set up shots, and helped shut down the Crew defense. But somewhere between the Crew game and Saturday’s match against Houston, Talley cut this hair. Luckily the haircut didn’t jinx him, and his continued integral play on both sides of the ball was a main contributor to both RSL wins.

Jeff Cunningham – (5)

When will Cunningham slow down? He did not have a particularly standout 60 minutes in the Wednesday game in Columbus, and then an average minutes 60-75. But over the last fifteen minutes he was absolutely everywhere in the attacking third and cut through a tired Crew defense seemingly at will. Some good play by Crew keeper Bill Gaudette and several close calls kept it close until minute 90 when Cunningham’s assist of Talley won the game. Without Cunningham, there would not have been an RSL win on the night. Then on Saturday, Cunningham completely exposed the lack of speed in Houston’s defense all night. He worked right up the middle of a previously very decent defense with ease that can’t be discounted simply because Eddie Robinson was out. Ryan Cochrane, Adrian Serioux, and Ricardo Clark all know their defensive responsibilities and none of them could deal with Cunningham.
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• Header by ismitje.
• List compiled and edited by ismitje, with input from all of the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Kelly Dalglish.

Sometimes, the planets really do align for soccer in the USA in general and Major League Soccer in particular. At the same time that the Galácticos from Real Madrid were in the US to play a pair of exhibition games against MLS opposition, the International Astronomical Union (IAU) met in Austria to determine, among other things, the fate of Pluto and the official make-up of our Solar System. Should Pluto remain a planet or not? In a terrific coincidence, the IAU membership is currently debating increasing the number of planets to 12, with a series of other “Trans-Neptunian Objects” on a watch list of candidates to become planets.

The IAU discussions simply dovetail too perfectly with MLS and MLS expansion to not be featured in the AAXI header this week. The question is, which MLS teams correspond to which planets?

First, some background on the whole question of the planets. There are eight “classical” planets – Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune. Pluto is widely considered to be the ninth planet, but it is much smaller and has a much different orbit than the others, leading many to question its status. Astronomers used to consider Ceres a planet, but it was downgraded to asteroid status in the late 1800s (it is located between Mars and Jupiter). And over the past few decades, stronger telescopes have helped locate a whole host of other planetoids and plutons out past Pluto, leading to the question of whether Pluto should be downgraded or these newbies upgraded.

So, we’ve got eight classical planets, and eight original MLS teams still playing in their original cities (Colorado, Columbus, Dallas, DC United, Kansas City, Los Angeles New England, and New York) . A ninth “traditional” planet, Pluto, with an irregular orbit, and one MLS original franchise relocated to a new city (Houston). Three new planets as proposed by the IAU – Ceres, Charon, and 2003 UB313 - and three former expansion MLS teams (Chicago, Chivas, and Real Salt Lake). An IAU watch list of a dozen candidates for expansion – Hygiea, Ixion, Orcus, Quaoar, Pallas, Sedna, Varuna, Vesta, 2002 AW197, 2002 TX300, 2003 EL61, and 2005 FY9, matched with a similar number of expansion candidates and the soon-to-debut Toronto FC.

And it gets better. Planets can be rebranded, a la Clash-to-Earthquakes-to-Dynamo or MetroStars-to-Red Bulls. The IAU is working on an official name for 2003 UB313, although the working name of (seriously) Xena (Gabrielle being its moon!) has some marketability.

However, after additional consideration, we can’t very well post a list of which MLS teams correspond to which planets – the negative feedback from whichever team got assigned to Uranus would overwhelm us! Sounds like a good topic for the MLS Rivalries board at BigSoccer.com: which MLS team is Uranus?

Now on to the AAXI for weeks 19 and 20. The single game from All-Star Weekend and the full slate from week 20 were all considered, resulting in this week’s 6-2-2 – with both the midfielders on the list lining up as d-mids, we’re pretty heavy on the defensive end of things – but we can hardly help it if these are the Yanks who stepped it up this week:
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Matt Reis – (3)

The New England ‘keeper earns the nod in part for his work in stymieing Ante Razov in week 19’s draw with Chivas. But in particular, Reis played a terrific game in the scoreless draw against the Wizards in week 20. His seven saves were all crucial with nothing easy about any of them.

Eddie Robinson – (4)

The Houston back showed why there isn’t a Soccernet “cover” jinx to match the Sports Illustrated one. The same week he got the good press from Jeff Carlisle, he played the same kind of steady game he has all year long and helped shut down the Dallas attack. And if AAXI staff favorite Kenny Cooper ever goes crazy, don’t be surprised if he starts screaming “Eddie Robinson is everywhere” because Kenny couldn’t even spit on Saturday without Eddie being there to stop it. By shutting down Cooper, Robinson shut down Dallas.

Nick Garcia – (2)

With Jimmy Conrad out again - this time with a broken jaw - Garcia stepped up for the Wizards like he did earlier in the year. With Jose Burciaga storming forward and Shavar Thomas playing somewhat shakily, the main work to preserve the weekend shutout of Columbus fell to Garcia, who rose to the task. Then again, he wasn’t half bad while partnering with Conrad in the midweek shutout of New England.

Tim Regan – (5)

Regan has become the steadiest defender in the league this season. Although he didn’t particularly standout in the drab week 19 affair, he played well for the Goats in their controversial win at Chicago during week 20. In that game he exhibited a knack for going forward at the right times, while clogging the attack effectively as well.

Dasan Robinson – (5)

Robinson played well, moving over to the center of the field a number of times to cover for emergency center back Tony Sanneh. He is the reason that Chicago was still in the match at the end of the game. He is among a group of five or so MLSers who belie what it means to be a rookie.

Chris Albright – (3)

Albright kept the left side of Houston’s attack in check in midweek action, including introducing Stuart Holden to more physical defense than he’s probably seen since playing with the Sunderland reserves. Albright also had several good runs to contribute to the attack.

Craig Waibel – (2)

He is finally getting fully fit again and it’s shown in his improved play over the last few games. This week, he added a badly needed attacking dimension with better crossing from his position than Houston usually sees. He scored a header against Dallas, but his overall effort in the attack and keeping possession also helped Houston win that “damn cannon” given to the winner of the Houston-Dallas series. He continues to defend well in one-on-one situations, even against players who should beat him for speed.

Pablo Mastroeni – (3)

The World Cup veteran absolutely shut down Landon Donovan in Saturday’s 1-0 Rapids win. It was truly a vintage Mastroeni game, one more often seen for the USNT than in MLS. But this one got his MLS team three big points in what is shaping up to be an interesting Western Conference playoff race.

Jesse Marsch – (2)

Marsch scored a cracking goal from his d-mid position during the week 19 game against New England. In a funny game that should have shown MLS’s good side to the 90,000 people in the LA Coliseum primed to see the Barcelona-Chivas game that followed, Marsch was one of the only players who didn’t look like he was more prepared for an afternoon nap than to showcase his skills for the assembled crowd.

Santino Quaranta – (1)

The new Galaxy acquisition gets the nomination for only two touches, his first two in an LA uniform. Fox Soccer Channel commentator Allen Hopkins may have overstated it when he said that Q looked like a man who received a get out of jail free card, but he surely did look happy to be on the field when he came on and stole three points for the Galaxy.

Jeff Cunningham – (5)

RSL’s 4-1 win over the Rapids might just spark the team into doing something with this season. If it does, Cunningham’s performance will be a huge part of it. He was all over that field, making space and finding people. Over and over he was a threat. If it wasn’t for Joe Cannon in goal, this game might have been a “huge” blowout. And don’t look now, but not only does Cunningham lead MLS with 13 goals following his pair against Colorado, but he’s tied for the RSL team lead with six assists. Not bad for a “selfish” player.
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• Header by ismitje.
• List compiled and edited by ismitje, with input from all of the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Justin Mapp.
• All typos and errors blamed on Justin Mapp are, of course, actually the fault of Shep Messing.

We start off Week 18 with a relatively well-rounded 2-4-3, and two ‘keepers in goal. (Stop laughing. This is the AAXI. Unless this is your first time here, you should expect lineups like that by now.)

Joe Cannon – (2)

He absolutely stood on his head at the end of the game, making up for a Rapids defense that lacked a lot of bite without Petke in there. Made three excellent diving saves, controlled his box, and helped the Rapids stay dominant at home.

Bill Gaudette – (1)

Gaudette is supposedly out for the year with a broken hand. And it hurt - you could really tell a couple of times. But, it did not hurt his play, which was inspirational as he saved a deserved point for the Crew on the road by stymieing the Fire on the occasions when Chicago seemed ready to make a go of it. Well done throughout.

Eddie Robinson – (3)

Robinson played well for Houston, keeping things tidy in front of Houston’s goals for most of the game. He coordinated well again with Ryan Cochrane and Ricardo Clark. Edson Buddle and Mike Magee were active all game for the Red Bulls and Robinson kept them in check. Basically, he controlled the backline.

Clarence Goodson – (1)

If you remember, Clarence had a nightmarish game against Colorado earlier in the season that earned him a regular spot on the bench. To his credit, he’s worked hard, kept his mouth shut, and is making the most of this “second chance”.

Carey Talley – (3)

If all you saw were minutes 50-55 of the midweek game between RSL and Chivas, you saw why Talley is the fan favorite in Salt Lake City and such a key performer this year in MLS. In minute 50, he suffered a crunching tackle from Jesse Marsch that looked like a high ankle sprain and a certain substitution. He tried to walk it off, but was stretchered off with his shoe and sock off as fans pondered who the sub would be. In minute 54, he hobbled back onto the field after being taped up, and in minute 55, he hit a thirty yard bomb that gave RSL a short-lived 2-1 lead. Did anyone see much of DC United’s Argentine wonder Christian Gomez on Saturday night? No? That’s because Talley allowed him precious little space, save for those times when he had to slide over to close down Ben Olsen. Once Olsen subbed out, Talley had Gomez the rest of the way. A gritty, solid 90 on both offense and defense earns Talley a return trip to the AAXI. If those reasons are not enough for you, we have one final reason for nominating Talley to this week’s XI: the headband. Need we say more?

Ricardo Clark – (5)

We know it sounds odd to say, but he’s really a fun defensive midfielder to watch. His tackles are usually pretty clean, he reads passing lanes well, he passes intelligently, makes good runs with the ball, and isn’t afraid to unload from distance. His run drew the PK that helped Houston salvage a tie from a game they really should have won. Performed well again on both sides of the ball. He helped keep possession and tracked down NY’s midfielders for most of the game. His run down the middle of NY’s defense resulted in the penalty kick. He also unleashed a long-range blast early in the game that barely missed.

Justin Mapp – (3)

Maybe supersub is a role that suits him? He played with energy, vision, pace, and derring-do in a thirty minute stint rarely seen from him in a ninety minute stint. It was only upon his insertion into the game that Chicago looked destined to score - except for the aforementioned Bill Gaudette manning the nets for Columbus.

Mehdi Ballouchy – (1)

Ballouchy had a very good game for RSL. He’s demonstrated superior vision and the skill to send very nice balls over the top of the defense. He also mixed it up well on defense, winning balls in his half of the field. Although he faded a bit in the second half, he came on strong near the end of the game and drew the tying penalty kick. (So it turns out he’s not eligible.)

The Ubiquitous One – (4)

The Ubiquitous One, a.k.a. Jonathon Bornstein, was all over the field this past week. After much deliberation by the AAXI staff, we have nominated him to the top XI for his play in defense, midfield, and as a forward. We also suspect that he would make a fine ‘keeper, but that spot was already taken. Basically, he’s the man, the ubiquitous one, the spark of the team we call Chivas. Thomas Rongen may have been a little ahead of himself when he said Bornstein should get a look at forward from the new USNT coach, but his form has been terrific so far this year in MLS. He’s blossoming right before our eyes.

Kenny Cooper – (7)

Cooper was everywhere during the match. Tracking back on defense and sprinting forward for offense. Yes, it’s become a cliché to nominate young Cooper, but his work on the pitch, from what we can see, makes it well worth it.

Jeff Cunningham – (4)

Cunningham would have done well in post-group play World Cup (ok, in group play too, but we’re trying to make a point here); he managed to score two goals off PKs this past week. Oh, and he also scored another goal and added two assists for good measure. Not only that, but he also generated just enough offense on breakaways earlier, in the game that DC had to be cautious about pushing too many players forward. If he could learn to pass better, he’d be an outstanding forward, not just a really good one.

The Bench

Kevin Novak, Bobby Rhine, and Chris Henderson
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List compiled and edited by crewfan, with input from the AAXI contributors.

Basically, ismitje is no longer the man.

All typos and errors should be blamed on Eric Wynalda.

The Almost-American All-American XI (Or, the AAAAXI)

Some of our long time readers won’t be surprised to learn that compiling the weekly team of honorees is not an exact science. One of the biggest challenges is remembering who is and who is not eligible to make the team. All of us have been around MLS and the US National Team for quite some time, and so never get tripped up by age old discussions about Ronnie O’Brien making the AAXI and being called up for the Nats. But there’s a group of others who regularly come up for nomination because they’re in the gray area of being almost American in some way. Here now is a list of those players nominated this year to be on the AAXI who couldn’t because, well, they aren’t American. Call them members of the AAAAXI:

The Liberians: Chris Gbandi and Willis Forko have spent as much or more of their lives in the United States as fellow African emigree Freddy Adu, so if Adu is eligible, then why not these two?. They were born in Liberia and moved to Texas, Gbandi when he was 10 and Forko when he was 3. Both still list Houston as their hometown. Both played collegiately for the University of Connecticut, where Gbandi earned a degree in Sociology. And both have played some standout defense for their respective teams, FC Dallas and Real Salt Lake. What, then, keeps them from the AAXI? Gbandi accepted a call up from his native Liberia in 2004, when he appeared in a World Cup Qualifier against Senegal, making him cap tied to the Lonestars and thus ineligible for the AAXI. Forko, on the other hand, is not cap tied, but has never become a US citizen and is thus not currently eligible for the USNT. But being Liberian isn’t something that the AAXI staff readily remembers, so one or the other’s name co mes up for consideration every month or so.

The Senegalese: Another African immigrant, Bouna Coundoul, appeared out of nowhere for the Colorado Rapids when Joe Cannon went down with injury early in the season. He appeared in five straight games, and caught the AAXI staff’s attention with one particularly memorable game against the LA Galaxy. Out came the nominations - isn’t Bouna from New York City, after all? Not really, as it turns out. He moved from Senegal to New York with three of his brothers at age 15, and is in citizenship-limbo with Forko. So despite being an American high schooler, and temporarily occupying the top of the goalkeeping charts in MLS, Bouna remains on the Almost-American All-American XI.

The Chivas Contingent: Sure, some of the Chivas roster is straightforward. We all know that Paco Palencia, Juan Pablo Garcia, Claudio Suarez, Ramon Ramirez, and Panchito Mendoza are Mexican citizens, and that Ante Razov, Tim Regan, Jonathon Bornstein, Jesse Marsch, Preston Burpo, and Brad Guzan are Yanks. But look down the roster, and just try and determine clearly who else is eligible for the AAXI. Is Jason Hernandez the next coming of Chris Armas, or part of the Puerto Rican XI (Answer: not cap tied to PR, and so AAXI eligible). Orlando Perez and Mike Munoz were born in California with their families hailing from Jalisco and Guanajuato, Mexico, respectively, so they’re eligible. Rodrigo Lopez was born in Guadalajara and played for the Chivas reserve squad, but he holds dual citizenship. Rene Corona played for Chivas this year, but doesn’t even have a bio on MLSNet. Neither does Carlos Borja. Esteban Arias played at UConn like the aforementioned Liberians, and is California born with family ties to Nayarit. But it turns out that the “Mexican” team Chivas USA features only five players on the roster who are not AAXI eligible.

There are others as well whose names came up this year. For example, Mehdi Ballouchy’s appearances for Morocco at youth levels are easily obscured by his time at Santa Clara University when excited RSL fans think they have someone eligible. Kei Kamara has looked good a few times for Columbus, though his Sierra Leonean roots make him ineligible for now. But the only really straightforward team roster is DC United. Except for Srs. Erpen, Gomez, and Moreno, the whole team has made the AAXI, so they all must be eligible.

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AAXI Week 17, featuring a remarkably “normal” 4-3-3 . . . if normal includes three members of the New York Red Bulls! But any time a team posts a pair of shutout wins, you can expect some good representation on the AAXI if their Yanks are front and center.

Matt Reis – (2)

Reis faced a barrage of shots in his team’s 1-1 draw with the Houston Dynamo, and had no chance on Stuart Holden’s first-ever MLS goal. But in perhaps the most ironic moment of the MLS season through 17 weeks, Reis complained loudly several times that the Dynamo players were bumping into him in the penalty box. Having Reis complain about rough play in front of the goal is a little like Sigi Schmidt tell Bruce Arena he should lay off the buffet table.

Marvell Wynne – (4)

Wynne anchored two shutouts in what was sort of a miracle week for the heretofore-reeling Red Bulls franchise. True, much of his prowess this week came on the attacking end against both the Crew and the Wizards, and he was the most consistent New York threat in the Columbus game while earning his first assist in the Kansas City match. His speed in recovering back to defense is simply jaw dropping, and once he masters positioning and defensive tactics, look out.

Ritchie Kotschau – (1)

Kotschau played a terrific game in the center of the Columbus defense. He might not be as fancy as a selection as Robin Fraser was the last two years leading the Crew defense but Ritchie has come over from Colorado and been a typically steady man in the middle, and played very well against a talent pair of LA forwards. Of course, anyone watching the game on ESPN2 needed to watch closely to see if Kotschau deserved the mountains of praise he was receiving from Eric Wynalda. He did.

Ryan Cochrane – (3)

Cochrane had one of his best games of the year while dealing effectively with the likes of Taylor Twellman, Pat Noonan, Andy Dorman, and Clint Dempsey. He and Eddie Robinson played very well together, which hasn’t always been the case this season. Cochrane doesn’t go in for the crunching tackles that seem to make Robinson’s day, but he was good positionally the whole game. When things did break down a bit at the back, Robinson was almost always there to clean things up. The best look the Revs got at goal all night was Dorman’s cross/shot that Craig Weibel kicked past Dynamo GK Pat Onstad. Other than that the Revs had zero shots on goal and credit goes to Cochrane and Robinson.

Dasan Robinson – (4)

Yea, the kid noone heard of before the season began keeps making the AAXI, but he keeps earning the nominations. Saturday the rookie again stepped up and showed why he deserves to be mentioned at the top of the list for ROTY. Robinson marked, or helped mark Freddy Adu and Jaime Moreno out of the game, and made a game saving clearance off of the line to save the Fire after a scrum inside the box. He is strong, smart, and plays beyond his years. The kid not only has a future in the league, he could possibly be one of its top defenders before you know it.

Carey Talley – (2)

Real Salt Lake picked up a host of players in the off season, and fans of the club can be forgiven if Talley wasn’t a guy many were excited about. But he has emerged as one of the only positives in a second dismal season in Utah. Against FC Dallas, Talley played well on both sides of the ball in what was a largely forgettable game. He had no fault on the last gasp goal that won it for Dallas, and was one of only two or three RSL players who played with heart and intensity enough to resonate along the Wasatch Front.

Chris Henderson – (3)

Not only did Henderson run his guts out, make dangerous passes, and score - he did so at the age of 50 years old. Okay, he hasn’t been around quite that long, but “the last player cut from the USNT roster for World Cup 1994″ has been around forever. We hate to alarm you people, but Energy Drink United showed some fire last week, and the Bruce Arena era may be beginning with Richie Williams as coach. It’s odd, but the one player Red Bulls fans could agree was crap for the first twelve weeks of the season is on the AAXI in back to back weeks.

Ricardo Clark – (4)

Okay, we admit it: it was a relatively weak week for Yank midfielders in MLS. But, Clark helped keep the Revs in check all night and made some nice runs forward. He attempted one of his patented blasts from outside the 18, which was blocked - but when a defensive midfielder teams with center backs like Cochrane and Robinson to allow zero shots on goal, then he’s done his job well even if a long range shot or two doesn’t go in.

Jonathon Bornstein – (3)

Made the AAXI a few times as a defender and maybe even a midfielder, but this time he lined up as forward, and oh what a game he had against Colorado. He had a hand in all three Chivas goals, scoring three and forcing a rebound save from Joe Cannon that Paco Palencia put into the net for the other Colorado goal. His first goal was incredibly calm and collected, as he slid to his right after beating Dan Gargan and Pablo Mastroeni to fire one home past Cannon. Maybe it doesn’t matter where he lines up? There’s a reason why Jorge Campos thinks Bornstein may be a good find for Mexico. Let’s hope that he decides to play for the US.

Edson Buddle – (2)

Nominated for his pretty sweet footwork and setup of the Henderson goal, the Red Bulls’ lone remaining starting forward (Mr. Peguero? Mr. Djorkaeff?) came back to Columbus and made his mark by doing the things Crew fans saw way too little of during his day in the Black and Gold. He ran off the ball, at the defense and passed with vision rather than waiting for all offensive attempts to come through him.

Alecko Eskandarian – (5)

Esky is back, again. This week he came on as a sub at halftime against the Fire and was quiet temporarily - until he leveled the game with a sweet strike. From then on he threatened the Fire several more times. Even with every Fire defender in range knowing the guy was going to cut back to his left, Eskandarian still sold the move and buried a nice shot. He gets the nod from the AAXI staff for his impact on the game - and a good thing, too, since we were close to going “DC-less” this week!
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• Header by ismitje .
• List compiled and edited by ismitje, with input from the AAXI contributors.
• Basically, ismitje has lately been the Justin Mapp of AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Max Bretos.

It’s July in MLS.

Somebody thought it was a really smart idea to have a summer soccer league. Yeah, that works really well, in, like SCANDINAVIA. But guess what, genius, IT’S STILL COLD THERE IN THE SUMMER! At least, I think it is. And even if it’s not, do you think those people have ever even seen 90 degrees? Do you think they’ve ever tailgated in a parking lot in Dallas in July, snuggling up to the gas grill because it is COOLER THAN THE AIR TEMPERATURE?

I don’t think so.

Look, I’m sure there are very good practical financial reasons for playing in the summer, and I’m sure that Don Garber knows more about these things than we here at this humble lil’ column. But no matter how solid the logic behind the rationale, I’m just not sure if it’s worth it when things like this happen:

E. RUTHERFORD, N.J. (MLSnet.com) On their first game on the newly installed FieldTurf at Giants Stadium, the New York Red Bulls scored their first penalty kick of the season Friday afternoon and won their first game of July, beating the Colorado Rapids 1-0. In his best game in a Red Bulls uniform, Amado Guevara scored the game’s only goal in the 34th minute as the Red Bulls ended a three-game losing streak and a five-game winless slide. He then burst into flames. Officials at Red Bull called the spontaneous combustion a tragedy, adding that it was compounded by their failure to get the extended warranty on the new field.

Or this:

FOXBOROUGH, Mass. (MLSnet.com) Jeff Cunningham sliced through the New Engand Revolution defense, and Real Salt Lake picked up just its second-ever road win with a 3-1 triumph Friday night. Cunningham’s 51st-minute slalom run through a static Revolution defense provided the spectacular game winner after Chris Klein gave the visitors the lead after 16 minutes. Jason Kreis added a third in the 55th minute with a well taken strike from an Andy Williams corner before Taylor Twellman grabbed a consolation goal two minutes later. The game was briefly delayed when the Adidas Teamgeist ball melted in mid-air in the 70th minute and fell on Matt Reis’s bald head. Reis suffered second degree scalp burns, but is expected to survive. The ball, unfortunately, had to be put down.

This was especially troubling:

WASHINGTON (MLSnet.com) D.C. United continued their march through Major League Soccer, burning RFK stadium to the ground in an act of wanton destruction not seen since Sherman’s march thorough Atlanta.

Or what about this disciplinary report from the L.A. Derby?

Misconduct Summary:
CHV — Ante Razov (caution; Dissent) 25
CHV — Jesse Marsch (caution; Reckless Foul) 29
LA — Tyrone Marshall (caution; Reckless Foul) 43
LA — Chris Albright (caution; Professional Foul) 53
LA — Troy Roberts (caution; hogging the water bottle so no one else could even get any) 84

Do you see my point?

Wouldn’t we all rather see players lose fingers and toes to frostbite instead of seeing them go up in a burning conflagration? Wouldn’t we all rather tailgate with some Irish Whiskey-laced coffee instead of plain ol’ boring beer? Wouldn’t we all like to see one of those really cool orange soccer balls they have to use in the snow? Wouldn’t we all like to have something to look forward to in February apart from Valentine’s Day?

Of course we would.

We here at the AAXI join other right-thinking Americans everywhere in calling for an end to the summer MLS season.
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A 3-5-3. Really, a 3-5-3!

Kevin Hartman – (1)

Hartman looked shaky under Steve Sampson, but is rejuvenated under Frank Yallop along with much of the rest of LA’s lineup. He made a great save going to his right to keep Chivas off the board and earn the tie (with the acknowledged help of the post and crossbar). Chivas GK Preston Burpo also kept a clean sheet, but didn’t face a shot until almost 80 minutes into the match. True, he may not often display the catlike reflexes that earned him the nickname “El Gato,” but perhaps he’ll do enough to get the Galaxy on track the rest of the season.

Eddie Pope – (3)

Many Salt Lake fans, like USNT fans, have decided that Pope is no longer interested in the MLS game, is too quiet and slow, and cannot hack defending duties any longer. The last two games belie that. Against New England, Steady Eddie stopped more than a dozen good Revolution chances and was beaten once by an ill-timed offsides trap. But largely because of Pope’s play, New England could not convert a huge advantage in possession into more than a single goal. With the emergence of All-Tico XI member Danny Torres, RSL has a solid pair in the back.

Marvell Wynne – (3)

Wynne has emerged from the Mo Johnston doghouse with new passion. Richie Williams has reinstalled Wynne while reinstating the 4-4-2, as the interim coach recognizes in the big rookie everything that made ABMOD himself a great player - exceptional athleticism, being bigger, stronger and faster than almost everyone else on the field, and showing an instinct for attacking any piece of open space in front of him. Wait, I’m thinking of some other Richie Williams. However, on a 100-degree day, Wynne did things like get all the way into the offensive box for a cross off a play that took place entirely on the left side of the field. Why did he do that? There was open space, and he’d be there wide open if the cross came. But no one else was making any unnecessary forty-yard runs. Maybe it’s just that it takes Wynne so much less time to run forty yards than the other guys on the field…

Bobby Rhine – (1)

Bobby is the best attacking defender in Major League Soccer (even if he didn’t really line up as a defender against the Fire). He is also the soccer version of Pete Rose, minus the gambling addiction. Never. Stops. Working. He’s been quite frustrating this year (and most years too) but with so many forwards busted up for Dallas it’s nice to move him up to be in position to make a huge goal for his team. Possibly the goal of the year for Dallas as it got them back even with Chicago when they could easily have taken the loss in that heat. He has taken a while to become comfortable as a defender, having played forward since, like, birth, but by the end of this season he’ll be among the class of the League at his new position.

Ben Olsen – (3)

Apparently Olsen drank some of whatever juice Frankie Hejduk does before the Columbus-DC game because he was just a workhorse from end to end and got a goal to boot. He was allowed the freedom to roam the field and he took advantage of it, playing like a man desperate to be back on the pitch. A cleverly placed goal was his personal highlight, but the combination of Adu and Olsen pushing the attack forward with pace was too much for a Crew side that did an admirable job of sticking with the game even when they looked to be run out of the building. DC was substantially worse when Ben came off. He should be back in the swing of 90 minute matches soon … look out (as if DC needed another weapon). If anyone saw Olsen when he played outside for Nottingham Forest in 2000, then you saw Saturday a bit of what he did in the English First Division that year.

Freddy Adu – (6)

Adu just carved up the Crew. TWO (not one) excellent, calm finishes were called back (both correctly). But Freddy was inches away from perhaps his best game as a pro, minus a poor clearance that indirectly led to the Crew’s second goal. A masterful performance by Freddy, during which he almost always made the correct space. And when he had any space at all - well, his teammates responded and made runs as if they expected the effort to lead to a goal. He also worked well with Christian Gomez and had a sick backheel nutmeg that put the ball out in front of a streaking Josh Gros. The kid is finally showing he’s got the goods, and he, like the DC team, is worth the price of admission.

Chris Henderson – (2)

The brutally hot conditions at Giants Stadium really affected both the Rapids and the Red Bulls, but Chris had a good, interesting game. The often languid pace of the game allowed the viewer to ponder things while watching the action, such as Henderson’s career. Chris’ game has always been about speed and stamina but this year (and last) it has looked like his age was finally catching up to him. No longer can he just burn out his opposing winger. But this game he showed a bit of his old self again. How could that be? Because he reacted less to the heat than the other players, such as his opposite number, Terry Cooke, pretty soundly. He rew the penalty that wound up being the game-winner (hat tip, Eric Denton) and kept pressure off Seth Stammler, who was filling in behind him at left back.

Eric Vasquez and March Burch – (1 and 1)

These two Crew players share a spot on the AAXI this week since the staff was divided on which of these Crew substitutes most influenced the other - but we’re clear that Columbus’ play improved upon their insertion into the game. We weren’t sure if we should go with Burch and point out that he really brought some life to the Crew attack when he was subbed in, and not just when he assisted on Vasquez’s goal (he also almost set up the tying goal with a beautiful cross to Gaven that Perkins saved nicely). Then again, we considered Vasquez, who seemed to have an immediate understanding with Burch, even though they couldn’t have practiced together more than once. Vasquez proved a handful for the DC defense, and his cracker of a goal made things interesting over the final 20 minutes as the Crew seemed poised to net the equalizer. Hence, the shared spot on the AAXI for week 16.

Kenny Cooper – (6)

In this game Cooper looked like he could do anything except beat somebody on the breakway. The new favorite of the AAXI staff (who may be out-Mapping Justin Mapp in terms of AAXI devotion) put in a good 90 against Chicago in the absence of many of his potential strike partners (Ruiz, Mina, and Oduro, who left early due to injury). He found space between two Fire defenders for the winning goal when it seemed unlikely that anyone could upstage Andy Herron’s brilliant comeback win bid effort, but Cooper did by staging a subsequent comeback win of his own. He’s also a class act - he never dives, never plays dirty, and always offers his hand to somebody he’s been involved in a hard tackle with. Who would have believed in March that effectively swapping Eddie Johnson for Kenny Cooper on the FCD roster would be so overwhelmingly positive?

Jeff Cunningham – (3)

About two minutes into the game, Cunningham made a move to go into the Revolution box, and was promptly tackled hard by Jay Heaps - the last time the New England defense tackled Cunningham for the rest of the game. He made a pinpoint cross to Chris Klein for the first goal, and then slalomed through half the opposition to score the game winner. You could almost hear the collective shout from the RSL fans: “Pass it, pass it, pass it, pass it you fool - don’t pass, shoot it! GOAL!!!” Some would argue that Cunny flat out stole this game single-handedly. Which he still has the capability to do. Why he can look like the best player in the league only every third game is beyond the AAXI staff, but as neutral fans we’ll take any player who can steal a game while being outplayed. After New England’s goal, it seemed 50/50 to me that they’d come back to tie it, at least - they had that determined look. But a three-goal cushion is a pretty big one, particularly in the absence of a spectacular own goal by Jeff Agoos…

Taylor Twellman – (2)

This may have been the first game all season when Twellman played well despite the absence of Clint Dempsey. Aside from his goal, he distributed nicely to teammates in better positions to shoot, and was generally a pest all night long. He almost had a unique assist in the first half when he passed a cross - using his chest - to Pat Noonan, whose effort was saved. Twellman also hit the post with another shot and came as close as a player can to willing the Revs to a tie as is possible.
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• Header by DJ Walker.
• List compiled and edited by ismitje, with input from all of the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Richie Williams.

Has there ever been a more glorious month in the history of American soccer?

No, in the end we didn’t win it all but at last we put the skeptics in their place. They said 2002 was just a fluke. They said we could never compete in Europe. They said American players were soft, played in two-bit leagues or were, at best, two-bit role players in the big leagues.

But those nay-sayers aren’t talking so loudly after the display of pride and passion by the American side in Germany. The Yanks finally proved what we knew all along: they can compete with the best in the world.

Only a bit of bad luck kept us out of the final game. If the brackets had lined up differently we would have been there. But it’s tough to play the home team in the semifinals, particularly when their coach is an understudy of your own. Jürgen Klinsmann’s side, buoyed by their home country support, simply got the better of us that day. But at least we can take pride in having taken them into the final minutes of overtime. If not for the some last minute German heroics the score would have been 0-0 and we’d have gone to penalties. But as it was Germany moved on by a score of 2-0.

But if ever there was a 2-0 loss that felt like a win that was it. Watching Klinsmann sing Arena’s praises in the post match press conference was quite a sight. Everything he knows about coaching he credits to Arena! Who’d believe it!

It’s a shame Arena’s moving on to bigger and more lucrative pastures in Brazil. But that’s what happens when you’re a successful World Cup coach. What’s somewhat unexpected is the sudden demand for American coaches in the world soccer scene. Greg Andrulis has resigned from George Mason, declared himself “The New Bora,” and signed on for Saudi Arabia. And following their defeat in the third place game England also opted to get themselves an American coach: Steve Sampson.

Along with the rush on American coaches there’s also a rush on American players. All the World Cup players that made names for themselves are signing on with big European clubs – Ching and Albright apparently going to German sides, GAM considering his options in England. Even Landon Donovan has finally decided it’s now really time to take up the challenge of Europe and is expected to sign on with a Spanish side.

If MLS rosters are looking a bit depleted right now it’s only because so many MLS standouts who didn’t make the World Cup squad are benefiting from the USA’s World Cup performance. Everyone wants American players these days. (Of course nobody here at the AAXI is surprised at the bidding war that’s erupted for Justin Mapp’s services.)

But there’s also now a number of established European players looking to improve their game by coming over to Major League Soccer. Freddy Adu has even urged Michael Essien to join him at DC United. “Essien is a really good player and I hope he joins me at DC United,” Adu said. “It would make me very happy, for sure. But it’s up to him to decide in which country he wants to play and he would be more than welcome in our team. He’s a good player who has more to learn.”

People used to scoff at Project 2010 – the United States, a legitimate threat to win the World Cup by that year? But now we see the absolute reality of that ambitious project. Today there is no doubt about it: in 2010 the Yanks will travel to South Africa as favorites.

Yes, it was a wonderful month that exceeded all our expectations. I only wish Zidane and Matarazzi hadn’t sung show tunes at halftime during the World Cup final. That was just bizarre.
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A stop laughing 2-6-2.

Troy Perkins – (4)

Okay. To many, Perkins was just holding down the fort until Nic Rimando returned to health. It was lucky for Perkins that the recovery stretched into the regular season. Some of his early season work seemed to rely on luck as well, but he is starting to get better than lucky. During week XV Perkins saved a couple of great C-bus chances and exhibited good judgment on catching or punching, and going out or staying back. In technical terms, he was “extra-huge.” The upshot? Perkins has displaced Rimando; anyone want a slightly under-sized goalkeeper?

Marvell Wynne – (2)

The AAXI staff admits that it wasn’t exactly a banner week for American defenders in MLS (funny, since so few goals were scored league-wide). Despite getting beaten by David Wagenfuhr on the second FC Dallas goal in the 2-1 Red Bulls loss, Marvell played really well. He was most effective when pushing forward and was unlucky not to score on a point blank stop by Dario Sala. Actually, he’s unlucky to be playing for Red Bull, but that’s a topic for a different day.

Nelson Akwari – (2)

Nelson lost his starting spot to Eddie Pope upon the latter’s return to the RSL lineup following his return from injury and World Cup duty. But Pope’s back flared up at halftime of RSL’s July 4 match, whereupon Akwari returned - and marked the Chivas USA attackers flawlessly. Akwari’s presence was a source of much consternation during the early part of Pope’s sojourn, but over the last three games, he has looked closer to the US international he once was at the youth levels.

Ricardo Clark – (3)

For about 20 minutes in the Houston-Chivas game, the Goats came at the Dynamo in waves. Juan Pablo Garcia and Franciso Mendoza could seemingly do no wrong, and Ante Razov looked like he might score multiple goals. Then Clark crossed to set up Brian Ching’s equalizer, and suddenly shut down Chivas in midfield – and, in effect, Razov for the rest of the game.

Kyle Beckerman – (3)

Beckerman has very quietly (easy to do in Colorado) become an MLS Best XI candidate. Even though he missed two shots (one off a post) he was still so strong in the center of the park that he gets my nomination. If you traded him to DCU for Ben Olsen we suspect Beckerman would be getting tons of publicity. And unlike other midifelders who get credit for controlling the midfield but do so using fouls and aggressiveness, Beckerman controls the midfield by better tackling and much better forward passing than others. He has become for the Rapids what Razov is for Chivas: the center, the leader of the team.

Josh Gardner – (1)

He may have developed into the player he hinted he would be during the MLS preseason and the CONCACAF Champions Cup. He plagued the aforementioned Nelson Akwari all night, significant considering the strong run of form the RSL man enjoyed the preceding three games. Gardner also took advantage of some terrible goalkeeping to get his first MLS goal five minutes into the second half. The only downside on the night: his bizarre haircut, which almost costs him any credibility generated by his play.

Brian Mullan – (5)

Against CDCUSA, Mullan dominated the right flank all game. He beat Jonathan Bornstein, who has had an excellent season so far, several times on the dirbble. His finishing at a tight angle on the goal capped off a nice play. He also tracked back defensively and helped keep Chivas in check as the game progressed.

Jacob Thomas – (3)

The Crew import from Germany’s lower divisions could have turned out more like John Thorrington or Gus Kartes than emerge as a solid MLS midfielder. He first showed up on AAXI radar in a game against the Galaxy, when he went down with injury but impressed enough to make the squad. Now he’s all the way back, and he proved very active all evening, forcing DCU to defend in the Crew’s narrow 1-0 loss over the weekend.

Steve Ralston – (1)

Remember this guy? Ralston scored a terrific goal in the first stanza against Chicago, and he remained a threat throughout the half. Unlike his midfield and forward teammates, he also played solid defense in the second half when New England sat back and let the Fire hammer shots at the goal (at one point, it was Fire 13, Revs 0 for shots in the second half). His goal featured a sweet turn and spin into the box followed by a perfect, curling ball through four defenders and past Zach Thornton to the far post.

Ante Razov – (5)

With so many other mentions scattered amongst the other week 15 honorees, is it any surprise that Razov made the list, too? Since we are halfway through the season it isn’t too much to say that Ante is leading the race for MVP of the league right now. He netted a nice goal against Houston and stayed dangerous all afternoon while not getting too much support. It was interesting to contrast him with Ching who also had a nice game (and a goal): Ante is playing a cut above The Chinger. As it turns out, the US failed to advance out of the group stage of the World Cup not because of Bruce Arena’s tactics, lineups, or strategy, but solely because he did not include Ante Razov in the squad. Way to go, Bruce.

Brian Ching – (5)

Ching finished off a nice cross from fellow AAXI member Ricardo Clark, but also had three dangerous headers in the first half alone. As usual, Houston expected Ching to win the constant long balls that comprise virtually all of Coach Dominic Kinnear’s offense, then collect the balls that he knocks down, and then pass effectively to the occasional teammate who may, eventually, join him in the attack. It’s remarkable that Ching manages to remain effective in this ridiculously predictable scheme. One caveat: as in the July 4 game against Columbus, Ching should have added a second goal to his singles against the Crew and Chivas. Still, no one else found net in both games, and he earned his spot on this week’s squad.

The Bench

Ugo Ihemelu, Mike Magee, Clint Mathis, Kevin Novak, Mike Petke, and Dasan Robinson.
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• Header by The Belly. (We expect he’ll get back to his blog once he gets back to … uh … reality.)
• List compiled and edited by ismitje, with input from all some a handful what’s left of the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Dave O’Brien.

This was the week that MLS returned to full strength, as the returning World Cup heroes returned to their respective club teams on an emotional high and performed very strongly.

Hmmm, that doesn’t sound right . . .

This was the week that MLS returned to full strength, as the returning World Cup players returned to their respective club teams, stung by poor performances and ready to atone with great club play.

Hmmm, that doesn’t sound right either . . .

This was the week that MLS remained about where it was, as some players returned from World Cup duty and played well, others played poorly, still others were injured, and one was just missing.

That sounds more like it.

The anticipated return of MLS players to their clubs following more than a month of World Cup duty occurred during week 14, and the results were decidedly mixed. A team-by-team analysis looks like this:

Real Salt Lake: A funny thing happened while Eddie Pope and Douglas Sequeira were away: RSL put together a modest run of five games without a loss, and the defense gelled around Danny Torres, Willis Forko, Nelson Akwari, and Kevin Novak – a surprising development to say the least. Torres played so well that you had to wonder if the right Costa Rican was playing in the World Cup – and if the results of Sequiera’s two games back are any indication, Torres is the better player. As for Pope, his injury was questioned in some parts, leading to little hand wringing when retirement rumors surfaced. Verdict: an underwhelming return.

New York Red Bulls: No one lost to World Cup duty – unless, of course, you count Youri Djorkaeff attending the France-Brazil game for personal reasons.

New England Revolution: With Pat Noonan injured and Clint Dempsey on World Cup duty, Taylor Twellman looked less than stellar for a better part of a month. Then Dempsey returned from Germany, and Twellman suddenly revived, scoring a goal about fifteen minutes into the first game Dempsey played. In two games, Clint scored three goals and looked every bit the dangerous player he seemed against Italy and Ghana. Avery John also returned, which was welcome news for an injury riddled Revs defensive corps. He, too, played like he did in the World Cup, but in his case this meant a red card rather than a goal scored. That his expulsion this time happened because he shoved Amado Guevara’s face means that most of MLS forgives the action. Verdict: strong return.

Los Angeles Galaxy: A player some of you may have heard of – Landon Donovan – returned to MLS to find new teammates (John Wolyniec and Kyle Martino) and a new coach (Frank Yallop) and even a new GM (Alexi Lalas). What he didn’t find was any more points in the standings than when he left. But his return rejuvenated the Galaxy, as he netted two goals in a long awaited victory. Chris Albright actually made it back one game before Donovan, and in one of the more welcome substitutions in MLS history, he sprinted off the field when subbed around the 60 minute mark to attend the birth of his first child. Cornell Glen, who showed some flash for Trinidad and Tobago, was injured in Germany and will be out a minimum of six weeks, meaning this is a two part return. Verdict: strong return

Kansas City Wizards: The return of the Wizards’ trio of USNT players was decidedly disappointing. Each player was given until June 29 to report to the team. Jimmy Conrad made it back faster than that, but netted an own goal five minutes into his return to the field - but at least he was playing in that Wednesday match. Josh Wolff made it back on time and put in a pedestrian effort, but at least he was playing in that Saturday match. By comparison, Eddie Johnson made it back an hour before Saturday’s game after being AWOL for more than 48 hours, and was promptly suspended. Add to this a red card for Conrad in the Saturday game and you have this verdict: terrible return.

Houston Dynamo: Whereas RSL saw an entire defensive unit step up during the World Cup absence period, the Dynamo spent the entire time waiting, hoping, and praying that somebody would act like a forward should while Brian Ching was gone. No one ever did, with one goal scored from the forward position the entire time. Even supermen/midfield dynamos Brian Mullan, Dwayne DeRosario, and Brad Davis looked pedestrian with Ching out. The group looked disjointed during their lone effort together during week 14. Verdict: relief.

FC Dallas: No one lost to World Cup duty, but welcome back from Germany, Shaka Hislop.

DC United: It seems like everyone was curious to see how Clyde Simms would perform while Ben Olsen was toiling for the USNT. Most had modestly positive expectations for Simms, who instead emerged as a terrific two way threat and helped propel DC to an unbeaten record in Olsen’s absence. Given that scenario, it wasn’t terribly disappointing that DC had only a midweek game during week 14, meaning no Ben until the July 4 game during week 15. No one wants to see Olsen displaced permanently, but Simms is a keeper. Verdict: delayed return.

Columbus Crew: Frankie Hejduk took the injury detour on the way to Germany, and while he didn’t miss any games for the World Cup, he has been missed by the Crew.

Colorado Rapids: Colorado was the only team to not play during week 14, so Pablo Mastroeni didn’t get a chance to return. But since he has been seen in the MLS Colors advertisements more often than in a Rapids uniform, having him absent one more week seems somehow appropriate. Verdict: delayed return.

Chivas USA: It could be argued that over the past eight weeks, Ante Razov played like he belonged on the USNT roster in Germany, but as he was not there, Chivas sent only two players to the World Cup. In the midweek game of week 14, neither John O’Brien nor Claudio Suarez played, and two games later O’Brien remains inactive. But El Emperador scored two goals within five minutes of each other upon his return to the lineup, and while Chivas has to feel pretty good about the work Carlos Llamosa, Jonathan Bornstein, Tim Regan, and Lawson Vaughn did on defense while Suarez was away, having him back makes Chivas a serious western division contender. Verdict: mixed return, pending O’Brien.

Chicago Fire: No one lost to World Cup duty.

But we digress - on with this week’s team:
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A palindromic 3-4-3

Preston Burpo – (3)

Usually, you don’t think of a goalkeeper saving a 3-0 victory, but Burpo pretty much did so against FC Dallas (that’s first place - for now - FC Dallas to you and me). A superlative offensive match from El Emperador and El Loco put Chivas in position to win, but it took “El Burpo” to keep the pressure down in the second half after Chivas forgot how to play aggressive defense. Several strong second-half saves got the job done.

Craig Waibel – (1)

Houston’s defense was anchored by Waibel in a midweek match against the Goats, which featured a lunging block of an Ante Razov cross that would have been a near-certain goal. A Chivas counterattack that seemed destined for great things was cleanly chased down from behind by Waibel after an unfortunate moment of hesitation by Paco Palencia. Waibel won more than his share of headers, and outshone the rest of his defensive line.

Nelson Akwari – (1)

In a bizarre game, Akwari totally shut down Justin Mapp for 65 minutes; then came a lengthy delay for thunder. The Fire wisely used the time to have Mapp switch sides - away from Akwari. Neither of the two post-restart Barrett goals which won the game could be attributed to Nelson, who had his first complete game in two years with RSL. Akwari just might be a pick that coach John Ellinger got right after all.

Jonathan Bornstein – (2)

How did we not know how good this guy is? He’s putting together an argument that he’s as pacy a left back as there is in this league. He seems to have developed an instant understanding with Jason Hernandez in central defense, as well as Francisco Mendoza ahead of him. Drew more fouls on Brian Mullan than he committed himself. Oh, and he denied a Brian Ching header with a goal-line clearance, holding his position at the near post to prevent a goal for the third time in five days. Not a bad night’s work. Then, asked by Bob Bradley to move up into the midfield after a great performance at left back midweek, all Bornstein did was take a highlight-reel pass from Juan Pablo Garcia and calmly place it in the lower corner, leaving Dallas ‘keeper Sala basically no chance. His run showed vision, his finish showed composure, his move to the midfield showed versatility. A jaw-dropping week.

Clint Dempsey – (4)

Dempsey essentially earned a nomination for both games this week. He hasn’t missed a beat since his return from Germany, even as some of his compatriots haven’t even made it back to their teams yet. In his first game back, against FC Dallas, Clint was the reason that Taylor Twellman seemed rejuvenated against FC Dallas. Dempsey created chances for his teammates and himself in a strong display. Then against New York, Dempsey proved that he is much better than almost everyone else in the league right now. He scored one goal off a “brilliant assist” from a poor Jeff Parke clearance that basically just bounced of Clint into the net, while his game winner was a moment of individual brilliance, as he dispossessed Steve Jolley, ran right around Parke, and buried the shot low to the far post in an eight-second sequence. And he played tight defense. Welcome back, Clint - but for how long? Send us a post card from Europe, buddy.

Sacha Kljestan – (2)

Against Houston, Kljestan’s central midfield partner got the glory of the game-tying goal and Man of the Match honors from Christian Miles and Thomas Rongen, but Kljestan may have outplayed him. It’s tough to know how much Jesse Marsch’s presence makes everything easier for Sacha, but the 20 year-old was making those penetrating, visionary passes and dribbling moves himself. The rookie set up enough chances to pick up a couple assists.

Nathan Sturgis – (1)

Perhaps we weren’t paying enough attention before, but Sturgis is a surprisingly strong prospect in the midfield. Sturgis demonstrated a very strong understanding with Landon Donovan, which is not a bad idea if you want to play for the Galaxy. Nearly set up a Quavas Kirk goal, and showed strong ball control in the midfield. This may be one of those “better than we would have thought” nominations, but, well, he was a lot better than we would have thought.

Eddie Gaven – (1)

Wasn’t this supposed to be the week of his breakout performance at the World Cup? At least, that’s what out wishful thinking said a couple of years ago. Instead, Eddie’s finding his loping stride again for the Crew, and though he didn’t help find a winning goal, he pretty thoroughly dominated Danny O’Rourke in his return trip to Giants Stadium, and was responsible for the Crew’s best moments.

Edson Buddle – (1)

After a slow start against New England, Buddle pulled off one of the individual runs of the year, beating Andy Dorman, and then burning the normally burnproof Michael Parkhurst. That was impressive enough, but then he beat Matt Reis near post from an angle too ridiculous to even contemplate trying - and hit the far post, from where it deflected in. The goal was so surprising from that angle, it took everyone in the stadium a little while to absorb what had just happened. Everyone, that is, except Buddle, who acted like he does that in practice everyday. And while he deserves recognition just for the goal, Buddle was very active and confident the rest of the match, and picked up a nice secondary assist on Mike Magee’s goal, but couldn’t out-Dempsey Dempsey on this day.

Chad Barrett – (1)

Barrett looked like the real deal when he entered the game versus RSL. His Fire teammates found space throughout the game but never seemed likely to score (paging Mr. Jaqua?) until Barrett’s insertion. His two goals could have been three - he exhibited a confidence long lacking in his play, and breezed about the field as if the whole thing belonged to him. In many ways, it did for 25 minutes he’ll long remember.

Landon Donovan – (3)

The AAXI staff doesn’t want to name Landon to the AAXI so close to the World Cup any more than you do - but two goals in his first game back in leading the Galaxy to a road win merit the nomination. He equaled the Nats’ World Cup goal total in just one game. (Bitterness … fading … RISING … fading …) His first goal should really have been an assist, since Josh Gardner could have finished it himself, but when a loose ball fell to Donovan, he made no mistake. Perfectly buried a great Quavas Kirk ball for his second goal. Clearly the best player on the field, LD played with passion, and (dare we say it?) played like a captain. We hear England needs a new one.

The Bench

Jeff Parke, Marvell Wynne, Jason Hernandez, Davy Arnaud, and Jeff Larentowicz.

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• Header by ismitje.
• List compiled and edited by ismitje, with input from all some a handful of the AAXI contributors.
• ismitje remains the man.
• All the flaky AAXI contributors are poopyheads. That includes the otherwise delinquent html editor.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Jack Warner.

Sorry, AAXI fans - a little thing called the World Cup has been distracting us from our duties these past few weeks. The AAXI staff discussed many options for how to deal with the column while the quadrennial event was being combated across the pond. Some members advocated concentrating on the American MLSers playing for the US National Team, and drawing our team membership from that group. It’s a good thing we passed on that idea, since an AAXI comprised of two players - Clint Dempsey and Jimmy Conrad - would look a little silly. Another group of members suggested suspending the AAXI for the duration of the World Cup; after all, all other domestic league team of the week columns (such as the All-Australian XI and the All-Angolan XI) suspend operations for major events like Germany 2006. But, in the end, the AAXI staff opted to take the lead from Major League Soccer and hope to draw some added attention from the reflected glow of the World Cup.

Except, it is difficult to draw added attention when you skip week 12 altogether - or at least seem to skip week 12. You see, unlike MLS, the AAXI decided to go with a reduced schedule during the World Cup (forget reducing the schedule - this sure seems like the busiest MLS schedule in recent years). We’re combining weeks 12 and 13, not skipping one week and moving on to the next. Normally this would constitute combining the votes a particular player received for week 12 with his votes from week 13; however, not a single nominee from week 12 received votes in week 13. Not even Justin Mapp.

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A word of caution for USNT fans still bitter over the early exit of the Yanks from the World Cup: this edition of the AAXI features a 4-5-1 formation.

Troy Perkins – (3)

Perkins of Troy was terrific in week 13. Earned the win for DC on Saturday in every sense of the word, as a spirited KC team attacked with gusto. Over the course of three games in this nomination period, Perkins helped DC to two wins and a tie, and was recognized as MLS Player of the Week. Poor old Nick Rimando has been healthy for weeks now and still can’t get a minute of action with the first team.

Jose Burciaga, Jr. – (1)

The defender got the nod for his play in Week 12. It isn’t so much for how he defends, since in recent weeks KC has either played with 3 in the back while Burciaga lines up in the midfield, or 5 in the back (it sort of depends on your personal view of “Bunker” Bob Gansler - our staff is split on this one). But how many times can one Yank not named Taylor Twellman get a game winner late? His 89th minute tally downed the Fire, with Burciaga the hero again.

Tim Regan – (4)

He makes the list again, also for work in week 12. He has no game winning goals like Burciaga (heck, he only has one shot on goal), but week in and week out, there’s Regan. He’s one of those guys that you can’t believe you nominate, when suddenly he’s one of the AAXI regulars. And in a stat that really stands out, in 13 starts and more than 1100 minutes of play, Regan has committed only nine fouls. That’s right - great defense, and less than a foul a game. Even Valentin Ivanov would have a hard time finding fault with Regan’s play this year.

Dasan Robinson – (3)

The rookie continues to impress the AAXI staff. His work ethic is phenomenal, and he seems to play like a veteran. His positioning on defense is great, and he can distribute from the back. One thing that really became obvious during week 13 is his speed. Robinson seems to have long strides and had no problem tracking back to catch up with a streaking Chris Henderson once or twice. And while Henderson may not quite have the wheels he had when MLS started, it was a nice sight for the Toyota Park faithful to behold.

Ritchie Kotschau – (2)

The veteran is on the all-enigma team with Greg Vanney. One game he’ll stink the joint up and then the next two he’ll play spectacular defending as was the case in week 13 against Chivas. The back three including Kotschau, Chad Marshall and Marcos Gonzalez really shut down an attack that gave the Crew all kinds of fits at the HDC in week 12. Credit goes to all of them, but especially to Kotschau.

Brian Mullan – (4)

The midfielder controlled about half of the field all by himself in the Dynamo’s week 12 win over RSL, Mullan had a goal and an assist in the 2-0 victory and always looked like he was about to inflict even more damage on a pretty dispirited RSL side. With Brian Ching returning to provide Mullan with a forward who actually knows what to do with his terrific crosses, look for Mullan to appear in future AAXI lists.

Seth Stammler – (2)

He was so far off the radar before the season started that he wasn’t even an afterthought. Now you watch him parade around the field with confidence - and the sequence that went Stammler-Peguero-Stammler-Peguero for the second Red Bulls goal in week 12 is exemplary of this. If you want to see at least one player who seems to have learned from practicing and playing alongside Youri, Stammler is it. Hopefully the injury that saw him leave the week 13 match early is not serious and we can see if he can bring it for the new Red Bulls coach, whoever he may be.

Chris Armas – (1)

Armas really set the tone for the “opening” of Toyota Park with his dynamic play early. Certainly he raised his game to the level demanded by the special occasion and dominated the middle. He gets points for scoring the “first” goal in Toyota Park history, even if the slow roller was passed by a snail on the way into the net. The AAXI staff couldn’t think of a more appropriate guy to get that “first” goal. (All quotation marks used in deference to the other first game in Toyota Park history, played in week 11)

Brandon Moss – (1)

This player isn’t going to thrill you with spectacular moves in the midfield and he isn’t going to score all that often (although we hear that he has a blistering long range shot), but what he will do is constantly win balls in the midfield. During week 13 he did a great job of doing just that against a pretty potent Chivas attackthat ran wild against the Crew in week 12 but was held in check in week 13. Moss really made Jesse Marsh look like a U12 d-mid in that latter clash - and Marsch is a guy who appeared here in the AAXI not too many weeks ago.

Clyde Simms – (2)

He may or may not see the field that often now that Ben Olsen is returning from USNT duty. And that’s a shame. Simms has really elevated his game, and together with Troy Perkins has consistently been among the best American or two for a DC side that is really purring along. His goal of the week nominee during week 13 puts a nice stamp on his performance, but he was AAXI worthy in both games.

Ante Razov – (4)

He just keeps racking up the goals and putting in solid performance after solid performance. It’s like he’s try to send the Bruce a silent message: “You should have taken me to Germany!” The USNT really could have used someone like him against the Czechs . . . and the Italians . . . and the Ghanaians - but we digress. If you think that fearlessness and tenacity were traits first only practiced in the MLS by Dempsey, take another look at ten goal Razov. The sheer variety of ways he attacks goal makes him fun to watch.

The Bench

Since this list covers two weeks, we’ll throw in the “others receiving votes” for free: Tony Meola (week 13), Noah Palmer (week 12), Carlos Llamosa (week 12), Ugo Ihemelu (week 13), Eddie Gaven (week 13), Carey Talley (week 13), Justin Mapp (week 13), Calen Carr (week 13), and Nate Jaqua (week 13).

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• Header by ismitje.
• List compiled and edited by ismitje, with input from all some of the AAXI contributors.
• In short, ismitje is the man.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Giorgio Chinaglia.

The spectacle ranks at the top of the world’s most popular entertainment events, surpassing even a silly event involving a pointy ball and expensive commercials, another silly event honoring films no one sees by choice, and a huge sporting spectacle honoring an ancient Greek tradition very faithfully, except that the athletes now wear clothing (Sasha Cohen – sadly born in the wrong millennium.) Of course, I speak of that time every four years where every soccer league in the world stops to focus on one small group of players, battling in the greatest showcase possible, in the heat of summer, under incredibly intense scrutiny. Yes, every league stops play, but one – and the eyes of the world focus intently on the critically important events taking place during … the third month of the MLS regular season.

Every soccer fan knows that the third month of the lengthy MLS regular season is the most critical (although only once every four years), with games televised in every nation, in languages to numerous to count. At the center of all of this attention is a lone American forward, his nation’s leading scorer in league play. “I can’t begin to describe the sheer intensity, pressure, and joy I feel,” said Taylor Twellman, star striker for the New England Revolution. “This is truly the single best opportunity of my career to show the world what I can really do. Why, just the other day I invited Steve Ralston, Pat Noonan, and Matt Reis out for lunch to talk about how lucky we are. Michael Parkhurst was going to join us, but Steve Nicol recommended he not come. Whatever.” Twellman held both hands to his forehead, forming a “W” with his fingers. “It would have been great to have Avery John here with us, too – I heard he’s not as busy as he planned to be for the next week or so. We talked for hours about how THRILLED we all are to be here for these four weeks, knowing that every soccer fan in the world will follow our every move as we climb our way back to our rightful place at the top of the Eastern Conference table. We have two conferences again, right? Not that stupid, confusing three division thing?”

Elsewhere in the league, other players are feeling similar butterflies over all of the impending attention. Kerry Zavagnin of the Kansas City Wizards, for one, feels that this is his time to shine. “Although it would be nice to have my boys: the freestyle rapper, the aspiring AAXI columnist, and Jason Wolff with me for this run, I’m more than ready to prove to the world that I’m the best defensive midfielder in MLS.” Zavagnin paused a moment, then mused, “Well, except for maybe Pablo Mastroeni. And Shalrie Joseph. And now that he’s back from injury, arguably Richard Mulrooney. Chris Armas still shows flashes of brilliance, too. And that John O’Brien guy looked awfully good for about six minutes earlier this year. Oh, and Ricardo Clark is improving pretty quickly, too. At least Michael Bradley’s out of the league – oh crap, I forgot about like, four different guys on DC United…”

Columbus Crew veteran Frankie Hejduk waxed a bit philosophical. “This is always my favorite part of the soccer quadriennal, when I always inexplicably bring my best game. It’s a phenomenal opportunity for the young guys on our squad like Chad Marshall and Eddie Gaven. Who says they’re not ready for the top level of soccer? All the European scouts will come running after they see these guys in action. It’s a shame I’m not healthy enough to play, although I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be here if I were…” A wistful Hejduk took a moment to reflect, and to remember that he’s supposed to be typecast as the surfer dude of American soccer. “I like, TOTALLY wish I was able to kick it around. I can’t even catch a wave, I’m so bumming. Dude. And I’ve always wanted to compare hair with Pavel Nedved.”

Phenom Freddy Adu is also feeling the crushing weight of expectations. “Although I’m already hideously overexposed, even relative to my rapidly improving play, I still wouldn’t change places with Theo Walcott for all the . Imagine, being his age, and to not even have played a single minute for Arsenal in the Premiership yet? Poor guy. Arsene Wenger makes Peter Novak look like Santa Claus.” Freddy screwed the top off a bottle of Sierra Mist, which he subtly spiked with a shot of grain alcohol to make it potable. “My good friend Pele, when he played for the Cosmos, never got an opportunity like this, with all of the leagues in the world stopped just to watch the NASL.”

For reasons unclear to me, my editors demanded that I interview Tomas Rosicky for this article. Rosicky commented, “American fans, it’s probably for the best that you focus your attentions on your side of the pond… nothing to see here in Europe… but please send that Justin Mapp to join me at Arsenal next season.”
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Taking a hint from the old adage “the best offense is a good defense,” this week’s lineup is a tad heavy on the defense, with the ever-popular 4-3-1, and two ‘keepers in goal (the eleventh guy was ejected before this post was uploaded, so we didn’t think it necessary to include him):

Preston Burpo – (2)

The goal was his fault but he really saved 3 points for Chivas in this match. Made a number of difficult saves. Solid outing from the old man. Pulled off a great, stretching kick save, stretched out the aging body to block out a Hurclez Gomez firecracker of his own, then managed to just get a hand on John Wolyniec’s unimpeded shot on goal from close range and push it our for a corner. He was a big reason the Goats finally got their first win over intra-city rival LA.

Joe Cannon – (1)

The one goal Colorado scored wouldn’t have stood up if not for a pair of saves that his replacement likely wouldn’t have made. Good to see him back, and in form, though RSL fans would’ve preferred that he sit out another week! He’s also the only reason anyone watching the game was able to stay awake. The rest of the game was a snoozer.

Tim Regan – (3)

The other big reason the Goats maintained the lead and got the win. He marked well, clogged the box, and cleared out most every dangerous ball that found its way in front of the goal. Bob Bradley knew he wanted to bring this kid with him to LA and his decision to do so has been paying dividends all season. There’s a reason he’s been on the AAXI a few times already. We were starting to think that the ESPN2 tandem of Glen Davis and Shep Messing were on a broadcast loop in the second half of the game: “that attack broken up by Regan.”

The Enigma – (1)

Greg Vanney is one of the hardest players to figure out this year. One week he looks like he should retire, while the next he looks like an all-star. An odd season to be sure - but this week was one of the all-star weeks, making him AAXI worthy.

Kyle Brown – (1)

OK, so he played only 8 official minutes. However, his play in the extra time - and particularly the slick pass to Dorman with no time remaining - sure didn’t look to us like a rookie playing his first minutes.

Matt Groenwald – (1)

He may have come in as a late sub for KC, but he had four good crosses and good defense. And like we said, the best offense is a good defense.

Ricardo Clark – (2)

Clark had a good two way game for the Dynamo, highlighted by Youri Djorkaef eventually moving out wide to make it easier to collect and distribute away from Mr. Clark’s attentions. The complete nullification of Amado Guevara when he was subbed in can be chalked up to two people: Ricardo Clark and the enigmatic Guevara himself. That Clark scored a long range goal to salvage the tie for Houston makes his performance that much better. He basically controlled the middle of the field which allowed DeRo to make some dangerous runs that he uncharacteristically whiffed on each and every time. Besides, he was the only rational nomination from the game. Sad but true. We could have told you he’d eventually score; the Red Bulls still have yet to hold a lead - even in their only win, they let up four goals while ahead. It’s a disease. Or a gambling problem. We can’t decide which.

Old Man Cobi Jones – (1)

The Old Man gets the nod this week for returning from injury to inject a real shot into the moribund LA team. His goal to tie the game was wily, like the veteran himself. Great touch around Perkins to slot home and earn the tie - and make no mistake, after getting no points since April, a tie against front running DC had to feel good.

Justin Mapp – (2)

He put in a flawless performance against the Revs. He made every shot he took, ran circles around every opponent he encountered, and never let even one Revs attacker get past him. He here at the AAXI were absolutely astonished by his performance.

Ante Razov – (3)

Ante begins his “I should be in Germany” American Tour with two sweet goals in front of the Chivas faithful at Home Depot Center. We like the way he celebrated, too: he had a clear ‘I’ve been there before, and I’ll be there again’ attitude. Class. Reminded us of Zidane’s volley in the Champion’s League final. What a shot. Utterly unstoppable. It went off the cross, first time, speeding at 80 mph into the top of the net. It was either going to be a goal or Kevin Hartman was going to be hurt because he got in its way. His first goal was a rare treat that, unfortunately for everyone who wasn’t watching (which was pretty much every soccer fan in the US), came before the World Cup hoopla, rather than after, when we won’t have so much soccer to distract us. Last week we mentioned that if you weren’t watching the Chivas broadcasts, you were missing out on seeing one of the players who is simply fun to watch. Can we say, “Told you so?”

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• Header by casper.
• List compiled and edited by crewfan, with input from all the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Joseph Blatter.

Yes, dear fans, it’s that time again. The World Cup is upon us.

The World Cup is all about glamour, excitement, glitz and flash. Everyone, but everyone, is transfixed for the entire month as the world’s best athletes go at each other in the most exciting athletic competition known to mankind.

Well, almost everyone. Everyone but, like, 99.9% of the people in this country. Oh, sure there’s us - you know, the internetsoccergeek subculture. We’re loud, we’re proud, but let’s face it, no one really cares but us.

Except . . .

There is, as I have discovered, a small but elite group of famous Americans who are, more or less secretly, part of our sickness, er, uh, our group. So, in that spirit, I present to you the first ever (and, more than likely, last ever) All American Celebrity XI. No Spice Girls, No Antonio Banderas, but not too shabby a list, if I do say so myself.

Erik Braeden - Actor. For all you soap opera fans, he is Victor Newman on “The Young and the Restless”. But he’s also a serious soccer man. And, surely he is the only guy in the universe with both a Daytime Emmy award and a US Open Cup winner’s medal. He won his Emmy in 1988. But more importantly, he won the Cup with Maccabee S.C. in 1973. That’s what I call a résumé.

Spike Lee - Director. Apparently, Spike is an Arsenal fan, and a season ticket holder at AC Milan. Also said to be pals with Thierry Henry. What I wouldn’t give to have him direct the sequel to “Goal: The Dream Begins”.

Rivers Cuomo - Musician (Weezer). Went to WC 2002, has a brother who plays in USL. Known to wear soccer jerseys onstage. Good enough for this list.

Robert Duvall - Greatest American Actor Ever. Produced “A Shot at Glory”, and starred in it as Gordon McLeod. When he says to Ally McCoist “Tha’s football son”, I get chills. Really, just to hear the man speak in a Scottish brogue is worth the price of the DVD. If you can find the DVD. Good luck with that. I think I have the only copy in North America.

Drew Carey - Comedian. USMNT’s biggest fan, accomplished soccer photographer, and (this is a rumor I’m starting) part-owner of the soon-to-be-awarded Cleveland MLS Franchise.

Jim Rome - Just kidding.

Tone Loc - Old Skool Rapper. Now, twice in my life I’ve heard or read Tone claim that he once played semi-pro soccer. I haven’t been able to verify that, but, I did see him wearing Sambas in a video one time. Works for me.

Andrew Shue - Actor. Played for LA Galaxy back in 1996. No really, he did. Melrose Place and LA Galaxy. Almost as good a résumé as Eric Braeden. If he can snag an Emmy someday, he can join the ranks of the immortals. Come to think of it, the way they’re playing lately he may re-join the ranks of the Galaxy before summer’s out.

Elijah Wood - Actor. Played a West Ham fan in a movie. And let’s face it, that takes some acting. Word around the campfire is that he became quite a fan of the sport. Plus, let’s face it, he’s Bilbo Baggins, man; that alone gets him the benefit of the doubt.

Nomar Garciaparra - Athlete. Married to the best player this country has ever produced. That right there qualifies him for the list, in my book. Also, I heard he plays a little baseball.

John Stewart - Comedian and Pundit. Played Div. I soccer at William and Mary. I don’t know how good he was, but I’m betting he lead the league in humorously sarcastic remarks to the ref.

Henry Kissinger - Former Secretary of State. Was a huge Cosmos fan back in the day. Also won the Nobel Peace Prize. Then again, so did Yassar Arafat. Tom Lehrer famously declared the day Kissinger won the Nobel as the day satire died as an art form. Not that that keeps us from trying.

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The 3-4-3 wheel is turning but the Mapp is injured.

Fat Tony – (1)

Now that the Red Bulls have chosen “Giving up second half leads” as their new favorite hobby, someone has to save them from themselves. After a stellar first half from his defenders, Tony Meola had to carry the day by himself in the second half. A game-saving stop on a Scott Sealy breakaway in the second half, followed by great stops on consecutive blasted shots by Jack Jewsbury and Ryan Pore all occurred in a fifteen-minute period where we’re only partly sure that the Red Bulls touched the ball at least once in the Wizards’ end. Didn’t get the shutout because of a somewhat questionable PK, but was a huge factor in the Red Bulls stealing a point on the road when they were soundly outplayed in the second half.

Wanker – (1)

The best players for the Rapids against the Galaxy Wednesday night were all foreign with one exception: Mike Petke. He was vocal, controlled the back line, contorted his body for headers and tackles, and showed some of the snarl and bite that’s been missing from his game since he was traded from DCU. We know it was just the Galaxy and LA’s goal drought was still in going strong, but Petke and Company kept that scoreless train rolling. He took co-command of the defensive unit with Aitor Karanka and held LA to 6 shots, none particularly threatening. A worthy captain for Colorado in our estimation.

Bozzilla – (1)

Steady as always against the Crew but simply a fantastic performance from Bobby Boswell on Wynalda’s man crush, Taylor Twellman and the Revs. Marked his players out the match exceptionally well. If that wasn’t enough, he had these neat little moments of popping into passing lanes to snuff out otherwise dangerous attacks. But what we love most about Bozz is that no matter what happens, his face is always expressionless. Even when he was yelling at ref Abbey Okulaja after a dubious handball penalty his face remained its emotionless, stoic self. We really think he might be a Blade Runner.

Eddie Robinson – (2)

What did Eddie do this week to get himself on the list? Well, let’s see. He heads home the game winner with 5 minutes left in regulation, played rock-solid defense against LA’s tall lineup, and marked Wolyniec out of the game. The one time he left Woly to Cochrane, LA got their first goal in over a month. Woly is not the most skilled forward, but he’s a handful for 90 minutes and Robinson battled him all night, especially in the waning minutes with the Galaxy desperately pushing for an equalizer.

Kyle Beckerman and the Wailers – (2)

Maybe it’s just us, but we’re eagerly awaiting the game when the small woodland animal that we all know lives in Beckerman’s hair jumps out and mauls Fernando Clavijo. Mark our words, someday it will happen. But other than having a wild life refuge on his head, this midfielder is quietly putting together a very solid year. Wednesday night was typical: constantly winning the ball, constantly playing thoughtful balls forward. He shut down the LA counter attack and got the Rapids moving back up field. Maybe it’s because he plays in Colorado, or maybe it’ s because he has such a poor coach, but it’s amazing how a guy can look that good when his team is normally getting run over.

Joshua Gros – (2)

In case you were wondering why they stopped running those Energizer Bunny adverts, it’s because the bunny saw Josh and needed a lie down. This is kid is battling Frankie Hejduk as the most fit player in MLS. As usual he played both wings end line to end line, and also as usual took the harder defensive assignment. The fact that he could run like that against Columbus and turn around and do it again against the Revs is enough to make us throw up into a trashcan from exhaustion.

Brad Davis – (2)

We kinda miss the ‘stache but we’re glad to see him return to the line up and give LA problems all game. He set up both of the Houston goals, one with a quick ball to Moreno who fed DeRosario and the other with a beautiful corner kick. His defense is still wanting, but when Davis is on he’s a big benefit to the Dynamo. He sets up his other teammates with quality crosses, which, of course, Houston’s forwards waste, as is their custom.

The Messiah – (5)

With the creativity Freddy Adu has shown of late and his improvement on placement of his passes, he is starting to get to the level that deserves all the hype. While our young Padawan neither assisted nor scored (seriously, I think someone cursed his goal scoring) - he should’ve had like 5 assists against the Revs. Also, his shooting is actually fairly good; he’s just getting unlucky. Plus we’d just like to say: Hooray! Defense!

Jeff Cunningham – (2)

Best forward performance in the league this week. He made every big offensive play on the pitch, scored two goals and practically forced the third own-goal. This guy has all of the confidence in the world, and - for the first time in memory - seems equally comfortable with his situation, whether that be starting or coming off the bench. He’d be fun to have coming off the bench in Germany - not at the expense of someone already there, but certainly over some of our named alternates.

Fear the Head Gear – (4)

Alecko Eskandarian had a hand in three of DC’s goals against the Crew. He’s playing like a man on a mission. Yes, the Crew were terrible and they had a college coach starting in goal, but Esky and his running mates were just terrorizing the Crew in the second half. His headgear has replaced the pyramid hat, focusing the energy of the universe into his body.

Ante Razov – (2)

He made it on the AAXI again. Remarkable. Taking a ball from mid-field, charging towards the opponents net, then coolly slotting one in for goal will get him on the list, even if it is just one goal instead of the couple that Razov usually needs to get in here. Injury and bad attitude free for the first time in a couple of years, he’s finally doing for Bob Bradley what the coach thought he was getting when he traded for Razov a season or so ago: scoring goals and helping the team win - which Chivas did consecutively for the first time in team history. The Chivas attack revolves around him. He’s playing with audacity and confidence. We’ll also let you in on a little secret: If you’re not watching the Chivas broadcasts (and with Christian Miles doing PBP, that’s understandable), you’re missing one of the guys who is simply fun to watch this year.

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• Header by djwalker.
• List compiled and edited by wallydrag with input from all the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Neil Buethe.

Just over a quarter of the way through the MLS season, it is time to review the eleven Americans we neglected to acknowledge so far this year – call it the All-Unsung-American XI. Rather than include eleven Yanks in a standard 4-4-2, we’ll go week-by-week, starting with the preseason:

The most overlooked American of the preseason was Pete Edward, MD, team doctor of the Columbus Crew. In an unfortunate preview of the season to come, Edward was the busiest man in MLS as the Crew lost two key players to injury. Fortunately his previous team doctor experience in minor league hockey and baseball prepared him for the triage unit that the Crew has become.

Some argued that Jeff Parke was man-of-the-match in the opening game for the newly rechristened Red Bulls, but given the daring 2-4-4 lineup featured by the AAXI in week 1, the ex-Metrostar, still New York defender couldn’t make the cut. Welcome to the All-Unsung-American XI, Mr. Parke.

Another ex-Metrostar makes the list for week 2: Jim Rooney. Sure, Rooney retired a few years back, but when Red Bull hosted its tribute to New York soccer history, there was Rooney on the field with some decidedly more famous mates. But look closely at the comments from people that night: Rooney was everyone’s favorite teammate.

During week three it came to light that the AAXI staff habitually ignores deserving DC United players. This week, there were two such Unsung Americans: Bobby Boswell and Ben Olsen. Since week 3 we’ve been more careful to include those deserving Yanks from the nation’s capital (see the five DC players who made the list in week 4 for proof that we corrected this problem).

Kyle Martino may have scored the game winner for Columbus at LA during week 4, but he wasn’t the best Yank on the field for the Crew. Neither was Jacob Thomas, who actually made the AAXI that week. No, the American with the best performance on the field that night was Rick Guter, head athletic trainer, who came on the field time and again. Marcos Gonzales went down, as did Thomas. Others pulled up lame but were helped back into play by the Crew trainer, who really contributed. In addition, he is somehow holding Rusty Pierce’s hamstring together. Did we mention that he was head trainer for DC from 1996-2002?

Justin Mapp for week five. Enough said.

In week 6, the hardest working team in all of sports (your Columbus Crew) began a modest streak of thee games without a loss, despite losing even more players than Edward or Guter could handle. Credit for the turnaround has been given to many people, but one key contributor – an Unsung American – is Crew “Sport and Performance” Psychologist Dr. Todd M. Kays. Kays’ mandate: get the Crew to visualize peak performance. With about five healthy players but wins in weeks 6 and 7 and a tie in week 8, that’s mission accomplished, Dr. Kays.

Another unsung hero for the Crew emerged in week 7. No, it wasn’t Sigi Schmid and Mark McCullers, who engineered the trade with the Galaxy that brought them Ned Grabavoy and Joseph Ngwenya. It wasn’t even Equipment Managed Osmar Espinal, who had jerseys ready for the newcomers in time for both to make their Crew debuts. It was Columbus Chief of Police James G. Jackson for providing what one AAXI fan and supporter called a “high speed escort to Crew Stadium” for the ex-Galaxians. Whether it happened or not is immaterial: it’s good copy! Welcome to the AUAXI, Chief Jackson!

We don’t even know the name of the person who makes the list for week 8, but if you want unsung, this is a person who defines the phrase. The MLSNet Match Tracker Person for the NYRB-CDCUSA really had to have his hands flying as the teams combined for 30 shots, nine goals, five yellow cards, and 28 fouls. One caveat: given that Match Tracker Persons are probably paid what the AAXI is to write this column, this may be one of those jobs that “no American will do” and as Bouna Coundoul fans know from week 8, not everyone working in America is eligible for inclusion in the AAXI, even if they have the best game of any goalkeeper in MLS that week. Sorry, Bouna.

Finally, our last member: Jimmy Conrad didn’t make the AAXI for week 9, and he can hardly be considered unsung for his play (2005 MLS Defender of the Year who earned a cap for the US over the weekend). But, he deserves to be on the AUAXI this week for one contribution: his ranking system for soccer “know-it-alls” which has Tino Palace at the bottom (just below “utter crap”) and what is believed to be AAXI at the top (“genius, pure genius”). For that, we salute you!

And there you have the All-Unsung-American XI for the first quarter of the MLS season, dominated by the Columbus Crew. On to the AAXI for week 9:

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Bruce is wondering if he should use a 352 or a 442. Rest easy Bruce: We got your back. 442. It’s so good you’ll dump your Reyna’s, your Onyewu’s, AND your McGrizzle’s in favor of our guys:

The Lion King – (1)

We’re not sure if Preston Burpo is AAXI worthy, (Shouldn’t the other team actually shoot every once in a while? At the goal?) but given what the other goalkeepers did this week, we’ll go with him for a trio of reasons: 1) He earned a clean sheet in his first MLS start, at age 33; 2) He pounced on a ball differently than we have ever seen since Simba in The Lion King - a true pounce, with an apex to the jump that totally intimidated both us and the hapless Fire attacker; and 3) Despite being (much) older than Burpo, we are still juvenile enough to enjoy typing “Burpo” and “Simba”.

Jason Hernandez – (1)

Class come to order! This is MLS History 201. We will start with the curious case of one Jason Hernandez. Bob Bradley drafted Jason last year for the MetroStars. Yes? You in the back?

Bruce Arena: “Uh, professor? What’s a Metrostar?”

“Good question. I have no idea. Let’s pretend that they were a team. Yes. A soccer team. Good. I mean bad. They were a bad soccer team. Got it? Good. Let’s say Bob Bradley coached them for a while after leading the Fire to glory and before hiring on to coach Chivas.

Back to our story. Jason sat on the bench for the Metrostars all season. Then a Llama fired Bradley. I mean Lala fired Bradley- you know: the red one- one of the Teletubbies? Yes. After the Bradley firing, the Metrostars suddenly played Hernandez in their last five games. Now class, pay attention! This is where the story gets … weird. Bob Bradley, just hired by Chivas, immediately acquires – Jason Hernandez? Who then went back to the bench to start the season?

Fast forward to now and here’s Jason Hernandez with his second strong game of the season, filling in admirably for Claudio Suarez (on WC duty) and Carlos Llamosa (age and injury), anchoring a shutout for a team that gave up five goals just a week ago. But wait class! It gets even weirder! Who did he partner with this past week? (A flotilla of hands shoots up.) That’s right…

Tim Regan – (2)

Another acquisition from the mythical MetroStars! But sure not to confuse this Regan with Ronald Reagan’s Secretary of the Treasury and Chief of Staff! That supply side freak was named Donald! This one is a Tim! Last week our Tim was the key to the Chivas defense in making a 1-0 lead two minutes into the game hold true to the end. Ably assisted by both the hypothetical Metrostars reject Hernandez and benefiting from Simba’s timely pounce our Tim played well. Even when he got beat, he’d bounce back up and chase it down. A great game from Tim that seemed like it had been coming for a few weeks, where he’d play decently and then get beat once or twice.

Now class, a rhetorical question: How much would the Red Bulls like to have this Regan and that Hernandez on their back line now? They would look quite good next to…

Jeff Parke – (1)

… Who really controlled his side. Why the Red Bulls have him on the side as opposed to the center of their defense now that Regan and Hernandez are gone is anybody’s guess.

Bobby Boswell – (1)

Seemingly out of place in this sea of red and white stripes, Boswell had his best game of the year both defensively and offensively. He played sweeper for DC, using his height to knock out balls and his legs to tackle away some fast moves by Sealy and Pore. Add a goal on the set piece from Adu, and it was everything you’d want to see in a central defender.

Pop Quiz!

Has Bobby Boswell scored more goals for DCU or for the opposition in his career?

Richard Mulrooney – (1)

I don’t know about you but it sure seems to me that MLS is becoming defensive midfielder heaven these days. You got Shalrie Joseph and Daniel Hernandez in New England. Houston has Ricardo Clark. Chicago has Chris Armas and an improving Logan Pause. KC has Kerry Zavagnin. Colorado has Kyle Beckerman and has just moved Pablo Mastroeni back to d-mid. DCU has three d-mids in Benny Olsen, Brian Carroll, and Clyde Simms (see below). Columbus has a good-looking rookie in Brandon Moss. Dallas has Simo Valakari and now has Richard Mulrooney back to full health. A case could be made that Mulrooney is the best of all of them. Certainly his combination of offense and defense, his awareness of everything that’s happening on the field is on par with Joseph and Olsen. Such is the case this week.

Ruiz may get goal of the week for that delightful winner late in the game, but pay close attention to the pass that led to the goal: Perfectly weighted between two Red Bull players and away from the defender who had Ruiz well covered. It was a somewhat audacious pass, and without it, no game winner for FCD. That put the stamp on a great defensive performance. Richard Mulrooney is back!

Sasha Kljestan – (1)

He got better and better as the game went on, possibly because some of his higher profile teammates were subbed out and thus got out of his way. Some of us think he had the best performance for a rookie of the year candidate to date with this game.

Clyde Simms – (1)

You have to overlook the fact that he tripped over the air leading up to the PK. It was perhaps the best game Simms has ever played for DC United. Sure, Olsen remains the first choice in that position, but a healthy Simms is a huge plus for United if for no other reason then he has better hair than Valderrama (aka Fuzzy Microphone Head). He stepped up defensively and broke up the Kansas attack. Compare United’s defensive performance at KC vs. this week vs. against KC two weeks before when Simms didn’t play. Day and night folks. He even got into it offensively, made some quality runs and had one (rather embarrassing) chance at goal that resulted in an (undeserved) PK. But you don’t get the lucky calls unless you make the quality runs.

The Messiah – (4)

Speaking of Freddy, (And when are we not? See two players below.) that ball to Simms was probably the best bit of soccer all weekend and it wasn’t a shot on goal. It was the second week in a row the kid’s put in a complete effort. Beside the Simms pass, the ball he put in for Boswell’s goal was perfection in precision. Several other balls that he served in could have had a better outcome but where mishandled away. His confidence is there and he is now much more then a sideshow for the team. As soon as this kid scores, the dam is going to break.

Jason Kreis – (3)

Let’s not mince words: Jason Kreis pulls the tie with Colorado out of his ass. Mostly we are glad that Bouna Coundoul didn’t break Kreis’s leg with the odd-looking challenge on goal #103, but Kreis earned the nomination with tireless work on both sides of the ball. Many RSL fans are uncomfortable with him as a midfielder, preferring to highlight his strengths as a forward, but you can’t deny his two-way prowess. Isn’t this guy supposed to be too old and too injured to be the one making the 40 yard runs after minute 80, chasing down balls destined to go out before he gets there? But he still brings it, and scored a beauty to net RSL the tie.

Kenny Cooper – (5)

All right. See? It’s not true that the AAXI is All-Freddy-All-The-Time. It’s not even the Freddy and Justin show these days. This year it’s the Kenny and Freddy Dreamtime Hour.

Set your Way-Back machines to the year 2010. The place? Where else but FNB stadium in Jo-burg, South Africa. The final of the World Cup. USA vs. Brazil. The game is tied going into stoppage time. Fred (no longer Freddy) gets the ball from geezer Landon Donovan. Fred dribbles forward. Ten yards. Twenty. He looks up to see Ken (no longer Kenny) Cooper on the hip of some unnamed Brazilian defender. Fred sends a bending ball that Ken rises up to meet, sending a rocket inside the far post. G-O-A-L!!!!!!! USA WINS!!!!! WORLD CHAMPS!!!!

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• Header by ismitje.
• List compiled and edited by ursula with input from all the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on referee Colin Tait.

While cleaning out his attic in England, an English soccer fan recently discovered what appears to be the beginnings of a lost work of Tolkien entitled The Fellowship of the Cup. When he read the manuscript, he was utterly shocked to discover that Tolkien had been a secret fan of the USMNT. In disbelief, he decided to give this work to the most highly regarded group of distinguished scholars he knew, a group with an unmatched reputation as defenders of truth, justice, punditry, and sheer lunacy: the AAXI. (We told him he really needs to get out more often.) After carefully examining the manuscript for its authenticity, we have decided that, you, the devoted readers of the AAXI, should be the first to read it:

Many years ago, deep within the dark land ruled by FIFA, the sinister lord forged many cups, which he gave to different countries and leagues. There was the Champions League, the MLS Cup, the UEFA Cup, the all-important MLS All-Star game, the FA Cup, La Manga Cup, the Libertadores Cup, and many, many others. Clubs and countries played for these cups. They fought hard battles for these cups in the vain hope of gaining them, based on the belief that these cups would bring them great power and honor. But they were all deceived. You see, the dark lord FIFA had forged one Cup to rule all cups:

One Cup to rule them all
One Cup to find them
One Cup to bring them all
And in the World Cup bind them

As Germany ‘06 loomed on the horizon, soccer fans and players worldwide began to have an ever-increasing sense of foreboding about the Cup; rumors had begun to spread about the fearful Cupwraiths, who were out to seek and win the World Cup for themselves. The darkest rumors speculated that the most fearful one of them all was leading the Cupwraiths. Fans scarcely dared to say his name, and when they did, it was only in hushed tones: Steve Sampson.

In the great city of Washingdell, where the honest, trustworthy politicians defend truth and justice, a great council of MLS coaches and players was convened to prepare to meet the challenge of the One Cup met in order to discuss what they should do about the One Cup. Some suggested that they form a 3-6-1 formation to counter the Cupwraith offense. Others suggested that they send all the Cupwraiths back to the hospital, to clear a path through the heart of Germany. Still others suggested they fine the Cupwraiths an undisclosed amount for improper remarks. A few insisted only the one they call Mapp could lead them to victory. The argument grew more and more heated, until someone (to this day, no one knows who), suggested the perfect solution: they should take the bravest, most stouthearted American soccer players, and form the Fellowship of the Cup. It may have been a fool’s hope to believe that the Americans would be capable of gaining possession of the Cup, but the council believed this was the best way to overcome the menace of the Cupwraiths.

The great wizard Bruce the Blue volunteered to help lead this unlikely Fellowship, and then set about the arduous task of selecting the other members of the Fellowship. After a long, hard search, the council agreed with Bruce on the 11 best suited for the task ahead:
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Like this week’s lineup, your father’s Oldsmobile was a 4-4-2.

Zach Thornton – (2)

Over the weekend there was one truly inspirational performance by an MLS goalkeeper. Unfortunately, Bouna Coundoul is not eligible for the AAXI. But Big Zach is, and he made a solid case for himself as the weekend’s best American between the posts. He used his body to blast through crowds to punch out dangerous balls, and had a few nice reflex saves to earn the clean sheet.

Kyle Veris – (1)

The rookie defender was a beacon of light in a match laden with suckitude. He’s been a stalwart in the Galaxy defense since Albright left for the World Cup and you have to like the qualities he offers: he’s huge and he knows how to use his presence to dominate defensively - think Gooch-light. Last weekend he managed the backline admirably even with all of the offensive thrusts the Galaxy were sending forward. His distribution from the back needs work, but five games into his career, he’s already a better man-marker than most backs in the league. He’s even more impressive when you realize he was converted to fullback only late in his college career.

C.J. Brown – (1)

The Fire vet gives thuggery a good name. He’s the kind of player forwards never want to play against, because they know they’ll be soaking in the ice bath after the game. He plays hard, covers the field and has no problems letting your grandchildren know that he just leveled you. He’s lost a step over the years, but his head is still in the game, and he can still punish a forward, smile, and walk away with the best of ‘em.

Chad Marshall – (1)

The third year defender put in a fine performance against DC United last weekend. He was under a tremendous pressure, handled United’s fast attack admirably well, and played a major role in keeping the game a draw despite of the large shot count differential.

Dasan Robinson – (2)

It was another solid game from the rookie. He’s been doing a damn fine job after being asked to step into a makeshift defensive lineup with both Curtin and Segares out. He’s not making spectacular tackles or tracking down a streaking forward because he always seems to be in position and controlling his man. He dominated the air in front of Chicago’s goal with surprising ease, and he shut down all of Houston’s efforts from the wing as effectively as anyone has this year. Dasan won’t be on a developmental contract for very long.

Seth Stammler – (1)

Guys who have zero goals in their MLS career aren’t supposed to shoot from 35 yards out. And they’re definitely not supposed to make that shot. They’re also not supposed to follow that up fifteen minutes later with an even bigger perfectly flicked header to the back post. Stammler also won WAY more than his fair share of headers defensively on free kicks and corners. Is this his career game or the launching pad for a new phase of his career? The first Red Bulls win ever has Stammler’s name written all over it. Peguero’s too, but we’re sure the All-Haitian XI will have lots to say about that.

Freddy Adu – (3)

The young phenom seems to be getting his confidence back. Adu had a great game against Columbus. It was arguably his best game of the year. He had to work hard for much of what he got and he is finally starting to click with Gomez. Freddy did everything but score a goal. He had several well taken shots and he should have put one away. But, once again, he found himself on the unlucky side of luck. Someday, hopefully someday soon, those shots will start going in.

Brad Davis – (2)

He is the poor man’s Eddie Lewis and he’s showing the sort of form that earned him some time with the US national team last year. Last weekend he had three assist-quality crosses but his comrades managed to plunge every one of them into the side netting or over the top – in other words, all the places that Brian Ching hasn’t put his headers this year. Also, just two minutes before MOTM Thiago’s goal, Davis forced a miracle save from Thiago; if that had gone in it would have changed the complexion of the entire game and Davis would have been MOTM.

Kyle Beckerman – (1)

He’s one of the biggest “would be really nice if he stepped up during the World Cup” players in the league. Some might say the wheels came off a little late in the second half, but Beckerman had already led Colorado’s midfield to a winning performance. Although he played no part in Colorado’s goal, he was a huge part of their early dominance, and almost certainly could have had a goal on a long blast.

Kenny Cooper – (4)

The match was clearly over after twenty minutes. But it may have been effectively over after only three. That’s how long it took Cooper to score a header goal in textbook fashion off a great Gbandi cross. After that Cooper continued to give the Revolution defense problems all game long. We also got to see what an asset his strength is when he received the ball in the box and muscled his way through a defender to get off a shot that ricocheted off the near-post. He’s deceptively fast for his size, has above average foot-skills and the confidence to take people on. Toss in a little creativity to boot and he’ll make a quick return (and then some) on FCD’s invest.

Ante Razov – (1)

Seriously? How does a guy have a game like this … and lose? Takes a perfect pass from Jesse Marsch and buries it far post for a first goal. Five minutes later, perfect lead pass to Mendoza who sets up Palencia for an easy finish - with Ante’s being the most crucial touch in the sequence. Then he catches Conway leaning the wrong way on a free kick 13 minutes later, and places the ball perfectly in the side netting. Finally, with time winding down, he feeds Mendoza perfectly again, forcing Canero to foul and give up a PK. Two goals, an assist, and some well deserved credit for the fourth. Despite our best efforts, we just can’t keep him off of the list this week.

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• Header by crewfan.
• List compiled and edited by The Belly with input from all the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Mohamed Madihi.

People criticize the All-American XI every week. But beside the accusation that we ignore Crew players in favor of DC United players, no complaint has stung so much as the accusation that we moved to a blog format because we’re sell-outs. Every week we try to prove this scurrilous rumor false. The truth is we only wanted to take advantage of the unique blogging format that the internet offers. Yes, the blogs have given us a chance to create our own soapbox in this cyber-democracy of soccer discourse, one free of the crass commercialism that dominates the American sporting scene, and soccer in particular. When you come to the All-American XI, we want you to be sure that you’re reading only the finest soccer related commentary, unimpeded by corporate considerations or compromises to financial necessity.

So now that we’ve certainly set those concerns to rest, let’s turn our attention to Week #7 of the Major League Soccer season. Starting in Los Angeles, where Real Salt Lake managed to pull off a 3-0 win over Los Angeles. Seeing all of those lemon and lime uniforms without a Donovan or Albright must have made Atiba Harris and Jeff Cunningham thirsty for goals. Their performance was a nice change of pace for RSL, and hopefully their fans were inspired by a performance best summed up by “It was that refreshing!”

FC Dallas apparently had the Houston Dynamo defeated, but Houston kept their fuel-efficient engine running and the Power of Their Dreams salvaged a draw with an FCD own goal. Bonus points to Dominic Kinnear for lambasting Carlos Ruiz’s cowardice. Only a complete chicken dives so much. Over in Foxboro, New England showed great hunger for the win, and spread out the scoring in a 3-1 victory over Chivas USA. Exclusively on HDNet, Columbus was slightly more creative on the pitch, showing a few more ideas for life and outdueling Colorado 1-0. If only I had an HDTV and had seen that game — I bet it looked great!

New York fans are probably once again missing the King of Goals, Sergio Galvan-Rey, as they only managed one goal against Chicago in a 1-1 draw. They say you can’t beat the King. And Chicago looked a bit homesick in their play. If they can find a place that sells them, we recommend they buy Samsung A900 Bluetooth Enabled cell phones with built-in MP3 players to stay in touch with their loved ones in Chicago. Or, they can rely on Justin Mapp’s timely information on how far they are from home.

Don’t forget both FC Dallas and LA played a game mid-week, where FC Dallas showed they had just a little more in them to pull out the win. The Galaxy must feel a bit depleted now, and they sure could use some soccer-related charity to help them.

Finally, Kansas City and DC United had a great game in RFK. Alecko Eskandarian’s goal was fantastic, and Sasha Victorine played wonderfully despite his team’s 2-1 defeat. If only we at the All-American XI could look so good when we play our games.

So that’s the week that was in MLS. You can see that the AAXI has nothing but respect for the purity of the game, and that bringing you the highest-quality journalism is our only Goal! The Dream Begins, In Theaters Now.

This header may have been subject to the approval of Major League Soccer, its clubs, or its corporate masters.

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An industry standard 4-4-2 this week.

Jon Conway – (1)

Let’s see… NYRB keeper under intense pressure? Check. Fantastic saves that seem at odds with physical presence? Check. Keeper is Tony Meola? Um…. hey, wait a minute. NY got an outstanding match from the last-minute fill-in. Made some great saves, kept his defensemen’s ears buzzing and overall ran the show. Well done for someone who hasn’t played a league match in over a year. He deserved better — like a shutout.

Dasan Robinson – (1)

It’s “Who’s that Yank in Defense?” week in MLS, starring a cast of unknowns: Dasan Robinson, Jeff Larentowicz, Kevin Novak, Kyle Veris, Jason Hernandez, Willis Forko, Brent Whitfield, Matt Groenwald, and Kevin Goldthwaite. It really came to us when Max Bretos and Allen Hopkins called the RSL defenders “who?”: there’s lots of young Yanks playing defense that we’ve barely heard of before, if at all. Not all of these guys are rookies, but there’s a fine tradition of young Yanks performing well early in their MLS careers. Robinson was one of the many who? defenders for week seven - and one who had an AAXI worthy week. The Fire rookie defender had a lights out game in the back, controlling the forwards he marked. He was quick, had good positioning, saved a sure goal from Djorkaeff at one point, and distributed well. He looks to have an intelligent game that will fit well in the back line of Chicago.

Alex Yi – (1)

This kid is really starting to fulfill his potential. After spending last year on loan to Atlanta Silverbacks, Yi has come back much more confident on the ball, and more able to use his height to his advantage. Two stellar performances this week showcased how he’s turning into a presence to be reckoned with in the middle of the Dallas D. Yi always seemed to position himself well and dealt with constant activity in his own penalty area. And toward the end of the game against the Galaxy we started getting the impression that many of the fouls called on him weren’t really because he was actually fouling but because he’s so big that smaller players would run into him and get knocked down.

Drew Moor – (2)

Moor too played superbly in both matches. He’s fearless, fast, and, uh, flippin’ sweet. (it’s not easy alliterating with ‘f’, ya know). The missed header aside, Moor fit in well with FCD’s ever-changing lineup. He is positionally sound and strong in the air and tackle. He’s tough too: after taking a solid boot to the face, he didn’t even really break stride, but kept on going. He was like a Visa Card Wednesday night: Everywhere you wanted him to be.

Eddie Robinson – (1)

He shut down most of what Dallas attempted down the middle, and deserves hazard pay for dealing intelligently with Carlos Ruiz. Robinson’s pressure on Goodson helped cause the own goal. Solid as a rock back there. Dallas had very few close in chances because of his steady play. He also read the game very well, cutting off passing lanes and playing usually good balls to his teammates.

Carey Talley – (1)

We cannot believe we’re writing this - Carey Talley? AAXI material as a midfielder? If you saw the game on DirectKick, you saw a guy who replaced Douglas Sequiera (away on Costa Rican World Cup duty) and played the position better than his more celebrated teammate yet has this year. Two assists, including one perfect pass that sprung Jeff Cunningham for a breakaway goal. He worked his ass off the entire game, and provided RSL something they haven’t seen most of the year, which is a defensive player feeding the ball forward. Note to Ellinger: See what happens when you play people in the right position? They get a couple of assists and you end up winning a game. Kind of a novel idea, isn’t it?

Sasha Victorine – (2)

An argument can be made that Sasha is very quietly putting out a bona fide Best XI season. Once again, he was the straw that stirred KC’s drink, playing end line to end line. Dude was everywhere. Sasha was collecting scalps all night based on the DC players he either burned or stuffed. AAXI fave Josh Gros? Blows right by him. Dominic Mediate? This is why you are a reserve. Brian Carroll? It’s tougher out there with Namoff as opposed to Olsen, eh? Seriously: next KC game pay particular attention to Victorine.

Ned Grabavoy – (1)

Sorry to those of you without HDNet! Well, not too sorry, since most of the Crew-Rapids game was a pretty drab affair (that came through gloriously in HD!). But super-sub Grabavoy made this game more than just an exercise in appreciating the beauty of mud in HD. His terrific solo run, highlighted by a fake pass to Ngwenya, ended with a perfectly weighted shot and a 1-0 win for the Crew. Point SS1 (Sigi Schmid) over SS2 (Steve Sampson) in that trade so far.

Brian Mullan – (3)

He’s got some under-rated foot skill that we’re all just now starting to appreciate that can be added to his sweet crosses. Unfortunate for him that he didn’t have Brian Ching out there to get on the end of one of them, but he was a big part of the attack and helping Houston salvage a draw on the road. Calling him a “tireless worker” has gotten old, but his play is described by that term every game. He showed intensity, good control, and provided some offensive spark throughout the game. If the AAXI’s favorite midfielder had the same kind of intensity as Mullan he’d be overseas by now.

Jeff Cunningham – (1)

You score two goals in one game for RSL, you get a nomination. Set up the first goal through making the pass to Talley and subsequently playing the whistle. Maybe he should be a sub every week as his positioning and runs were textbook.

Alecko Eskandarian – (3)

By special request of Bill Archer it’s another DC United player for the AAXI. Does any American on the world cup team (or not) have a better first time volley shot? Unlike say, John Wolyniec a couple of years ago, Esky is scoring this way too many times now for it to be luck. Drew the game winning PK too. The most dangerous forward DC has right now.

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• Header by D.
• List compiled and edited by ur_land with input from all the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Amado Guevara.

Our guest columnist this week is Peter King of Sports Illustrated, whose weekly MMQB column is a must read for any NFL fan. Now he brings his unique take on sports to the AAXI

HOUSTON — I was at Robertson Stadium last Saturday night and witnessed a great home crowd for the Houston Dynamo. I know San Jose fans are still hurting from the abrupt move of the Earthquakes to the Lone Star State. But the relationship between the fans and the players here is remarkable, considering how briefly this team has called Houston their home. Brian Ching received a hero’s welcome when his name was announced before kick off. Of course, the engine that makes this team run is Dwayne DeRosario, and fans here recognize that. But they love Ching here — he’s nearing Brett Favre status in Houston, and after just a handful of home games.

Here’s what transpired Saturday night. FC Dallas and Houston traded slim chances for the first 30 minutes or so. Then, Ricardo Clark blasted a goal from well outside the penalty box that caught the goalkeeper off guard and put Houston up 1-0. Then, as FC Dallas was probing for an equalizer, Ching headed home his league leading seventh goal of the season to put the home team on top 2-0. Then, just as regular time expired, Ching lobbed a perfectly weighted ball to DeRosario, who sped into the penalty box and seemingly iced the game at 3-0.

Of course, Dallas roared back in the second half, only to fall short after a remarkable goal by DeRosario raised the Houston tally to four. But throughout the game, Ching was battling for high balls on offense and tracking back on defense. And the crowd fell silent near the end of the game when Ching went down after a rough challenge. But he brushed himself off and finished the game. What a player. What a credit to MLS and to US soccer.

THE ELITE EIGHT

1. Houston (4-2-0): If they figure out how to hold onto a lead, they’ll be unbeatable.

2. DC United (3-1-2): Mulligan for their lackluster performance at Mile High.

3. Kansas City (4-1-1): Will struggle without Conrad, Johnson and Wolff. But Arnaud will rise to the occasion.

4. FC Dallas (3-1-2): Showed a lot of guts to almost come back from 3-0 at half time. Why isn’t Kenny Cooper starting for this team?

5. New England (2-2-1): Do you think Steve Nicol thanked Bruce Arena for leaving Taylor Twellman off the US roster? How many defenders are looking forward to facing Twellman with a Tony Meola-sized chip on his shoulder for the rest of the season?

6. Chicago (1-1-3): Road warriors keep earning points as they await the opening of Bridgeview.

7. Colorado (2-2-1): Jovan Kirovski is the second leading scorer in MLS right now. Who predicted that at the start of the season?

8. Chivas USA (1-2-1): They can’t wait for the next re-match with the Galaxy (who they are better than, despite losing to Landon Donovan a few weeks back). In the meantime they’ll have to tangle with the Revs.

THE AWARDS SECTION

Offensive Player of the Week: Houston Dynamo’s Dwayne DeRosario. With the exception of Landon Donovan, no player brings as much to the table as DeRo. He shoots. He scores. He plays defense. Wins games.

Defensive Player of the Week: Zach Thornton of the Chicago Fire stood on his head this week as he earned yet another point his team.

Coach of the Week: The Rapids’ Fernando Clavijo somehow managed to steal a win from DC United. Let’s face it: Clavijo is one of the best talent evaluators in the league. What if he’s actually learning how to manage a game?

AGGRAVATING/ENJOYABLE TRAVEL NOTE OF THE WEEK

Why, oh why, is there no Starbucks at Robertson Stadium? Unforgivable.

STAT OF THE WEEK

Houston’s Brian Ching and Dwayne DeRosario each have two game-winning goals so far this season.

TEN THINGS I THINK I THINK

1. I think some of the Revs had something to prove last week and did so at the expense of the LA Galaxy.

2. I think Chris Albright better not let any Italians or Czechs sucker him into a dumb foul like Twellman did on Saturday.

3. I think if Sharlie Joseph had become an American citizen, he’d have a ticket to Germany with his name on it right now.

4. I think Chris Rolfe is going to be very hard to keep off the US World Cup roster … in 2010.

5. I think this is what I liked about Week 6:

a. Dallas battling back on the road to make for a very entertaining first game between the Texas rivals.
b. Nicolas Hernandez slamming home the game-winning goal against DC United.
c. Justin Mapp.

6. I think this is what I didn’t like about Week 6:

a. Carlos Ruiz’s antics. I know he’s been doing this for years, but seeing it in person is just disgusting. I can’t believe he ever gets any fouls called his way.
b. The Real Salt Lake - Columbus Crew game. Just unwatchable, but I watched anyway.

7. I think the team that’s going the struggle the most during the World Cup is the LA Galaxy. Without Landon Donovan (and now without Albright) they are essentially a USL team dressed up in MLS uniforms. Last year this wouldn’t have mattered because Chivas and RSL were so terrible. But Chivas is entirely capable of competing with their Home Depot neighbors and keeping the Galaxy out of the playoffs.

8. I think I’m worried about the health of John O’Brien. He’s played scant minutes for Chivas so far this year, and that doesn’t make me feel confident about his ability to contribute to the US team in Germany.

9. I think Eddie Pope has never been more happy to have his MLS season interrupted by a call-up to the national team. Think he’ll be playing extra hard to try to keep the US there as long as possible?

10. I think these are my non-MLS thoughts of the week:

a. Coffeenerdness: I have one tip for the coffee merchants of Houston, TX: make it stronger.
b. Paul Simon: Vastly underrated in music history.
c. What a great playoffs series between the Lakers and the Suns. Wish I’d been watching more of it this weekend.

WHO I LIKE TONIGHT, AND I DON’T MEAN ERIC WYNALDA

The LA Galaxy are a mess right now, and I expect FC Dallas to take out their frustrations from their loss to Houston on LA. Hoops 2-1.
…

It’s D-mid Day here at the AAXI … It was clearly a good week for midfielders, but not so much for defenders. Hence, we have a 2-6-2. (Just don’t tell Steve Sampson – he might steal our formation for Saturday’s Coach-Off with John Ellinger.)

Zach Thornton – (1)

It isn’t often that saving a penalty kick is the second best save a goalie makes in a given sequence, but the stop Thornton made on Arnaud was much better. Hopefully, Big Zach got to spend some extra time in the whirlpool after the game to loosen out his back since he had to carry his whole team. When the Chicago midfield and defense decided to stand around and ask each other “Do I look fat in this jersey?” Thornton kept coming up with big save after big save. It was the best effort this young MLS season. Now, if only the MLS All-Star “Skills Competition” would make a comeback, we could see The Beast could retain his title as the man with the hardest shot in MLS.

Jay Heaps – (1)

High time that one of the Revolution’s defenders gets some credit. Seeing Heaps storming out of the back for New England had to be one more depressing sight for the Galaxy. How many weapons can one team toss out on a given day?

Michael Parkhurst – (1)

Another Revs defender makes the cut. This kid doesn’t get much recognition (yeah, yeah, we know, ROTY last year), but quietly plays the game as it ought to be played. He doesn’t make many mistakes. He’s just solid.

Pablo Mastroeni – (2)

Finally showed why he’s USA’s #1 destroyer – this is the first time this season that DC didn’t dominate in the midfield, and Mastro was the reason for that. If he plays for the USMNT the way he did in this game, the Nats are in good shape.

Brian Carroll – (2)

Carroll is making a name for himself as the model Major League Soccer professional. Against Colorado, he seemed to be the only steady and unshakable player for DC. He was a machine, covering miles in the midfield and playing smart passes forward. He’s DC United’s rock in the midfield.

Ricardo Clark – (1)

Clark had his best game of the season so far, and not only because of the goal (although goals certainly count for something, especially out of the middle). He seemed to re-discover how to connect with DeRosario, something that Houston desperately needed. If he continues to play this way for the next six to seven weeks, then Houston might actually find some attacking ideas that don’t involve long distance calls to Ching – which would, of course, be a very good thing while Ching’s in Germany.

Brian Mullan – (2)

If we were left backs on an MLS team, the last guy we would want lined up on the opponent’s right side is Brian Mullan. He’s not as skilled as some midfielders, but he will make your life hell for 90 minutes. He bolts down the flank with and without the ball, takes guys on with the ball at his feet, serves in effective crosses, and plays defense for the entire game.

Clint Dempsey – (3)

Dempsey must have listened to some samba before this game instead of his Texas raps. He certainly entertained, but he also destabilized the Galaxy defense and showed that he can terrorize from the flank. Deuce didn’t play a direct role in any goal, but humiliating Ugo Ihmelu was a good start to the World Cup season.

Josh Gros – (1)

This is almost a vote for consistency’s sake – Gros showed hustle, heart, and good passing skills all night in trying to jump start an anemic United attack. In every match he does good things on the dribble, tracks back, and even supplies some good balls into the box. He’s one of the hardest working players in MLS.

Taylor Twellman – (1)

Hey Bruce, we got your Brian Ching riiiiiiight HERE! After the week Twellman had, what with missing out on the World Cup squad and then having his grandfather pass away, he still managed to come out and do what he does best: strike when the opportunity presents itself. He made the great pass that led to the broken play that ended with his goal and his evocative pose in front of the “WHY NOT TAYLOR?” sign.

Brian Ching – (4)

Huh … we wonder if Ching saw Twellman’s performance in the afternoon game and said to himself, “If Taylor’s going to try to make people doubt my selection, I’ll give them something to think about.” Ching battled all night, scored a goal, assisted on one Dwayne DeRosario’s goal, and hustled back to help on defense. Ching continues to show that he can win and hold the ball for his teammates, even though everyone in the stadium knows that he’s the target of almost every long ball and cross. If Ching ran for Mayor of Houston he’d easily get 20,000 votes, because that’s how many people screamed like crazy when his name was announced before the game.

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• Header by Peter King Chris.
• List compiled and edited by kali with input from all the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Darren Anderton.

Speculation about Bruce Arena’s 23-man World Cup roster has run rampant amongst soccer fans for the last several months. These same fans tuned into ESPN’s SportsCenter last night with breathless anticipation to see the official announcement of the USA’s World Cup roster.

But the contributors to the AAXI have discovered that last night’s announcement was all a ruse – Arena was simply announcing the players everyone expected to see. Come June these are the actual guys who will play for the USA in Germany.

Goalkeepers: Tony Meola (NYRB), Scott Garlick (RSL), and Bruce Arena (retired).

Following the advice of ESPN’s Kristian Dyer, Arena went with one of the most experienced keepers available. “100 caps is 100 caps,” explained Arena. “Sure, I only played in goal once for the US. But I’ve improved since giving up two goals to Israel in 1973. And besides, Tony and I wear the same size jersey.”

As for Garlic, Arena explained: “It’s not because he played for me in DC. It’s his awesome mustache! I haven’t seen facial hair like that since LaVolpe stormed off the field in Columbus last year.”

Defenders: Chris Albright (LA Galaxy), Nate Jaqua (Chicago Fire), Taylor Twellman (New England Revolution), Conor Casey (Mainz), Chad Barrett (Chicago Fire), Edson Buddle (Columbus Crew)

Of his defenders, Arena said: “Did you see how much ass Tony Sanneh kicked in 2002? He actually started his career as a forward. And Chris Albright is the best right back in the league. He also started out as a forward. Why waste time with conventionally trained defenders? They’re not usually big enough or good enough on set pieces. I’m converting every forward I can think of into a defender.”

Midfielders: Justin Mapp (Chicago Fire), Freddy Adu (DC United),

“Clearly the best midfielder in MLS is Justin Mapp. He can do so much with the ball at his feet. He was really all I thought we needed to put ourselves in a position to succeed at this World Cup. But then I heard about this Adu kid – apparently there’s been some kind of buzz around him, so I thought I’d give him a look.”

As for Landon Donovan, Arena admitted, “I didn’t think Landon Donovan would be comfortable or happy in Germany, so I told him to just hang out in Huntington Beach. You know how Landon is: if he’s not happy, he doesn’t play well.”

Arena conceded that some other midfielders were last minute scratches. “When I called John O’Brien to tell him, he dropped his cell phone on his foot and shattered every bone in his body. Also, Benny Olsen was on my short list but too many Big Soccer posters complained about my DC United bias. I’ve learned that the collective wisdom of guys who sit at their computers all day posting rants about soccer is much better than my decades of experience with the sport. So Ben stays home.”

Arena also added, “Did you know that Ronnie O’Brien is not American? I just found out this weekend. I really thought he could have contributed to our team.”

Forwards: Alecko Eskandarian (DC United), Chris Rolfe (Chicago Fire), Herculez Gomez (LA Galaxy), Jason Kreis (RSL), Chris Carrieri (Richmond Kickers), Ante Razov (Chivas USA), Jeff Cunningham (Colorado Rapids), John Wolyniec, (Columbus Crew), Jamil Walker (DC United), Mike Magee (NYRB), Bobby Boswell (DC United)

“I figured I’d just bring every forward from MLS who’s gotten on a hot streak over the last couple of years. Kreis has more than 100 career goals in MLS, and Chris Carrieri was really on fire a couple of years ago. And last year, Bobby Boswell scored seven goals as a defender, including one against Chelsea! Sure, three of them were own goals, but I really think he could be the next Jeff Agoos. Anyway, one of these guys is bound to get hot at the World Cup. And it wasn’t like Twellman, Wolff and Johnson were lighting it up this year.”

At the end of the interview, Arena revealed perhaps his biggest surprise. “Oh,” he said, “and my new assistant coach is Steve Sampson. We’re going to adapt his brilliant 3-6-1 into a 3-1-6. Watch out Czech Republic!”

…

An Italy fear our depth 4-4-2:

El Guzano - (1)

Last year many of us watched Chivas USA week after week just to see Brad Guzan play in goal. In fact, Guzan was usually the only reason to watch that team. This year Chivas USA offers a greater array of reasons to tune in, but last weekend Guzan showed why he remains a big draw. Unlike the Chivas USA forwards, the Red Bulls didn’t shoot right at the keeper. Brad Guzan had to come up very big on several occasions - particularly against Mike Magee. Without his reaction saves Red Bull would have come away with a win.

Chris Albright - (2)

With his combination of speed and size, and his ability attack from deep Albright is arguably the best right back in the league. He didn’t make the World Cup squad, but his omission wasn’t on account of his performance on Saturday. He owned the right side of the field. Nothing got close to the LA goal on his side, and he had a nice assist on the second goal. With Donovan heading off to camp Albright has picked a nice time to raise his game to a new level.

Drew Moor - (1)

The Dallas backline was torched with the exception of one player: Drew Moor. Forget a beer, his teammates on FC Dallas owe him and Sala half a keg each. The second year defender had an excellent game against DC United. He was especially effective when called upon to mark Gomez out of play, and didn’t falling for the back heel touches that the Mo/Go combo thrive on.

Pablo Mastroeni - (1)

Pablo was not involved in a pretty game. Although several attackers had (brief) moments, both offenses struggled in a difficult match. Defensively, Mastroeni controlled the middle of the backline for Colorado kept DeRo and Clark from having any joy at all. Offensively, he also had some surging runs of his own. Colorado’s relatively good defensive effort is due mostly to Mastroeni’s work in the center of the park.

Big Bird - (2)

New England may yet again be an offensive juggernaut, but last weekend Jim Curtin won a ton of individual battles and delayed the Revolution’s offensive resurgence at least another week. Curtin was really the only player who caught our attention in the New England – Chicago match. (Of course we have to admit to succumbing at times to the bliss of sleep.) He was solid, winning balls in the air, imposing himself physically on the Revolution forwards (strike that image) and making some key tackles. He almost cost the Fire with a poke away that went right to Twellman, but the Revolution striker couldn’t do anything with it.

Benny Olsen - (2)

If you’re wondering how on earth Bruce Arena can justify putting Ben Olsen on the World Cup roster then you haven’t been watching DC United much this season. Quite simply, Olsen is playing the best soccer of his career and he just played himself onto the World Cup team. He’s the reason teams can’t string passes together in the midfield against DC United. Last weekend he notched a rocket of a goal, played some energetic defense and, most importantly, shaved his beard.

Sasha Victorine - (1)

On a team with a front line of Wolff-Johnson-Arnaud you’d think the forwards were the key to their attack, but the fact is in Kansas City the forwards go only as far as the midfielders carry them. That’s why Bob Gansler says Sasha Victorine is the most important player on his. Sasha was very active over the weekend and did his best to wake the sleepy Kansas front line enough to shoot at goal. Finally, he offered up a gift that not even Josh Wolff could blow. Like the blind man in a brothel, convert he did - thereby saving us all from seeing Victorine string him up with the goal net.

The Messiah - (2)

This child born unto us, he’s scary sometimes. Freddy Adu had neither a goal nor an assist, but watching him beat Greg Vanney like a rented mule all night gets him a nomination. He made some crazy sick moves (as the young folks say - average age of the AAXI editorial staff: 79). If Nike doesn’t take the highlights from last weekend and make a commercial out of them, then they’re not paying attention. Basically, he added a nice ‘Ohhhhh’ factor to the game. (You know, like on those home videos when some cute little kid with a wiffle ball bat smacks his unsuspecting father in between the legs, the natural reaction is ‘ohhhhhhhh’.) Freddy capped off with some good defensive play. We wish he were a year more experienced so he could play for USA in the World Cup. Oh well. He can go in 2010. And 2014. Not to mention 2018 when he’ll be all of 28 …

The Prophet - (2)

Alexi Lalas can’t wait for the World Cup. Landon Donovan will be gone, the Galaxy will drop every single game, and he’ll have the perfect opportunity to axe Steve Sampson. Landon plays the game at a higher level than most everyone else in the league. Againt Salt Lake he danced and glided; he scored a goal and assisted on two others, blah blah blah. The only thing that would have been more AAXI-worthy is if he’d taken us up on our offer to loan him our ballet shoes. The highlight came not with his goals or assists but when in one fluid motion and with hi back to the goal, he took the ball down from a Kevin Hartman’s mile-high, 75-yard kick so easily it was like it was gently placed on his foot, redirected it through the defender-on-his-back’s legs, and spun around that defender to break free with the ball. While we’re not normally given to hyperbole (editor: right) that was some kind of Brazil-style shiznit. Point is they should drop that whole “LA Galaxy” veneer and just call that team what it is: FC Donovan.

Brian Ching - (3)

Boy, that Colorado – Houston game was a pretty ugly. If someone held a gun to our heads (and it happens more often then you think), we might consider watching it again. The Chinger gets a place on this week’s AAXI because he was the only dangerous player on the field in that eyesore of a game. Everyone knows Houston relies primarily on one attacking idea: airmail to Ching. Occasionally, Alejandro Moreno will try to connect on a long ball or cross, but those efforts hardly add much diversity to Houston’s predictable attack. Conseqently, Ching gets covered by the opposition’s best marker, best defender in the air, or both – but he still wins most of the balls that rain down his way. On his and the game’s only goal, he wasn’t able to score with his initial header off a DeRosario corner-kick but followed up on the rebound and put it in with his foot after Cannon couldn’t hold on to it. His goal against Colorado won’t win any awards, but it was a fitting reward for his efforts against a defense that knew full well that he was the only realistic option for his team.

Jason Kreis - (2)

For a guy who’s nearly 50 years old and has been in the league since before Preki was born, Jason Kreis sure can play. Career goal 102, plus a great assist, gets him a nod from us. Right now, he’s the most exciting thing in Salt Lake. Kreis is proving that as you get older, you don’t have to turn into a forward that takes off half the game. (If you get tired, just get ejected for the last ten minutes!) Despite Ellinger’s best attempts to ruin him, Jason Kreis manages to do it all: score, provide assists, track back on defense, and fool Hobbit Kennedy into forgetting yellow cards with his chicanery.

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• Header by Chris.
• List compiled and edited by ursula with input from all the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Sunil Gulati.

Ever since we moved operations to this blog we’ve been getting tons and tons of email. There are so many that we can’t answer them all. So this week we’ve selected a few to answer right here in the column. Let’s get started!

My name is Eric. I’m writing about my friend Alexi. Several years ago Alexi and me went to France to play soccer. Our coach was mean and didn’t let Alexi play. After we lost all our games Alexi told our coach he was a doodyhead. Everyone was proud of Alexi because he was brave enough to be honest and say what all of us thought. But today I think Alexi is hanging out with the wrong crowd and has gotten in the habit of lying. He’ll say one thing one day, and then do the complete opposite thing the next. Honestly, I think he’s the one acting like a doodyhead now and I have trouble believing anything he says. Anyway, I decided to spout off about it Frank Giase at the New Jersey Star Ledger. Do you think that was the right thing to do?

There may have been more grown-up ways of handling things, but as long as you got your Mom’s permission to speak to Mr. Giase then the AAXI has no particular objection.

I am Mr. Larry Tanenbaum from Canada and I am the owner of Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment. I have decided to seek a confidential cooperation with you in the execution of a deal described here for the benefit of all parties and I hope you keep it as a top secret because of the nature of this transaction. We have in our possession $10 million franchise fee which we want to transfer New York City with the assistance and cooperation of a foreign individual. I have the authority of my partners involved to propose that, should you be willing to assist us in the transaction, you will be compensated with a six-pack of Moosehead Lager. Please remember to treat this matter confidentially. I wait in anticipation for your full cooperation.

For the last time, we’re not going to fall for this crazy “Canadian Franchise Fee” scheme!

I need some professional advice. See, I’ve got a problem with my new boss. Problem is some years ago I was his boss, and – well – let’s just say we had a bit of a falling out back then. He called me a “doodyhead.” In fact, he was quite vocal about it. As fate would have it I now find myself working for him. I’ll be honest. I’ve been doing a pretty bad job at managing things here, and given the history between me and my new boss I fully expect to be fired. I figured with your vast expertise you might be able to give me some professional advice. What should I do?

- Steve from Los Angeles

Have you sent any resumes to Utah? We suspect there’ll be some job openings there soon.

Are you feeling limp? Is your performance not what it used to be? Finally, there’s help. Enhancement patches are hot right now, VERY HOT! Unfortunately, most are cheap imitations that do very little to increase your prowess or stamina. Well, this is the real thing, not an imitation! A top team of scientists and medical doctors have worked to develop this state of art performance enhancement patch delivery system. Just apply the patch to your body, wear it for three days and you’ll start noticing dramatic results. Don’t be left out. Soon you too can be scoring again!

Thank you for the interesting offer. None of us at the AAXI are having any difficulties in this area but we have taken the liberty of forwarding your email to the New England Revolution.

You people are a little obsessive. It’s like you have to mention me in every single column. Honestly, I find it frightening.

- Justin from Chicago

We have no idea what you’re talking about.

That’s all the letters for this week, but if you want to write to us just send an email to aaeleven@gmail.com. Who knows, maybe your letter will be featured in a future AAXI column!

…

This week a 3-5-2 old school:

Troy Perkins - (2)

Perkins had a great game, made some very good saves, and positioned himself well. Strong in the air, willing to put his body on the line, and let everyone know the box is his (as evidenced by Mike Magee’s dislocated pinky finger which was just a wee bit gnarly).

The truth of the matter is, RBNY wasn’t as utterly toothless as everyone says. They put in some dangerous stuff, particularly in the first half. And every single time they did Perkins came up handily. Did he get the clean sheet? No, but he should have. It’s a shame he wasn’t able to keep the shutout streak alive through three games. He was very close but once Brian Namoff got subbed in, we had a bad feeling.

Eddie Pope - (2)

Right now His Holiness is playing at his can-stop-any-forward-in-the-league level. Poor Eddie Pope. In the past he played with guys like Carlos Llamosa, Jeff Agoos, and Tony Sanneh. Against Houston, he was trying to hold off Brian Ching and DeRosario while also covering for the midfield all night. Pope did everything he could to keep the defense together - but even Pope couldn’t do everything.

You would think with five so-called midfielders in front of him he wouldn’t have had to come up with some of the plays he did that night. Apparently not. RSL is still a painfully inept team but at least they have Pope for a game or two more.

Nick of Arc - (1)

Garcia was shutting down Dallas and … wait … was that a shot? God must have wanted us to see that for some reason. Speaking of that shot sighting, do people realize the historical significance of Nick Garcia going forward and shooting? And staying forward?????? This guy owns the all-time non-goal scoring record in MLS!!!! For him to even shoot was HUGE!!!! A sure sign that he’s ready to lead MLS to the promised land of unpredictability and sure shot taking.

Okay, beyond that he was a rock on defense. Rob Stone and Marcelo Balboa were correct in singling Garcia out for praise. Kenny Cooper didn’t get too many good looks in the run of play and neither did Carlos Ruiz. Nick and Jimmy Conrad in tandem were a big reason why, but in addition Garcia also got out of a few hectic moments rather smoothly when he got islanded. Those are always scary moments no matter who the opposition is but he handled them well. Just ask Chris Gbandi how tough that can be

Brandon Prideaux - (1)

Sometimes it’s hard to notice how well a defender is playing until he’s not there. Today, Prideaux was subbed out and within a couple of minutes his replacement gets turned by Youri for a goal. Prideaux simply could not be beaten, playing the best of the DCU defenders, often backing them up when they let someone by them. After a rough week #1, he’s putting together a portfolio to justify regular starting time even when Peter Nowak doesn’t use a four man back line.

Brian Carroll - (1)

Youri who? Amado who? You get the picture. This guy was unbelievable. Sometimes we prefer watching games on TV to being there live, while other times we wish we could see the entirety of an individual’s game just to get a better sense of what he did. That’s how we view Carroll’s match. He popped up at the right time, in the right place so often that his off the ball work must have been amazing.

There’s a reason why opposing teams can’t drive down the middle of DCU’s defense and Carroll is the prime reason. But what was unexpected this week was his offense. First he sent that pinpoint pass to Olsen (see below), and then he stole a pass, rolled over Marvell Wynne and dropped a sweet dime on Jamil Walker. The rest of the day his passing was the best on the field.

Jacob Thomas - (2)

Big, fast, physical, dominates his side. Possesses and uses his strength and understanding of a more physical style of play, honed in the lower divisions of the German Bundesliga, to help throw the Galaxy off and create problems.

Those LAG outside backs are supposed to be on the fringe of the USNT for this World Cup. Guess it’s a good thing Thomas doesn’t play for Ghana, Italy, or the Czech Republic - he ate the Galaxy defenders alive! Unlike other, anonymous MLS outside mids, he also exhibited a variety of moves when it came time to get the cross in or head for the box himself.

Unfortunately for him and the Crew, it looks like he’s injured his ankle pretty badly when backtracking against Donovan and he could be out for a lengthy period of time.

Aaron Pitchkolan - (1)

What can we say? We’re a sucker for stoppage time tie-breaking goals. (That and bicycle kicks, but that’s probably because we’ve never been able to master them.) This is the kind of stuff that makes soccer exciting. The man came in late in the game and did the job. He set the ball up nicely and finished it well.

What a typical American goal. We all remember back in rec league in high school when we had a friend that used to score goals like that all the time. He wasn’t the fastest, and he didn’t have the skills, but he always hustled and always saw the play through. Pitchkolan’s typical American style got Dallas three.

Brad Davis - (1)

Just when it seemed no one could challenge the porn star moustaches sported by Scott Garlick and Kenny Cutler, along comes Davis with his offering in the same game! NASL games in SoCal in the 1970’s had fewer bad moustaches than this game!

Davis played a complete 90 minute game. He caused problems for RSL with his dribbling and passing, but was also committed on defense as well. He and Wade Barrett made sure that Chris Klein had a relatively quiet game, especially in the first half. Then, Davis assisted on the game tying goal with a great corner kick. Solid all around.

Benny Olsen - (1)

Another strong performance here. He tandems so well with Carroll and like Carroll today he added offense to his contributions. Above we have Nick Garcia who tandems so well with another defender who could have gotten a nod this week in Jimmy Conrad. With Olsen, it’s the same thing with Carroll. As a tandem they shut out the middle of the field from opposing teams, like Red Bull this week. And like Carroll this week, Benny got into the attack frequently culminating with a nice assist to Alecko.

Kenny Cooper - (3)

His goal was the result of never giving up on the ball. Ronnie O’Brien sends in a cross to the back post and Cooper gets taken down but during the course of the ball pinballing around in front of the goal, Cooper gets back up and heads in the rebound.

For the rest of the mostly painful-to-watch game, he was the only Dallas player that seemed willing to go after the defense and take people on 1v1. Was very close on a well taken shot at the top of the penalty box, doing a couple of step-overs before breaking out for a foot or two of space and putting the ball just over the cross bar.

Alecko - (2)

We’ll pretend he’s Brazilian for a second and just use one name for him. He’s on this list for three reasons: Sweet finishes, works hard in the midfield, creative goal celebration, annoyed Eric Wynalda. That’s like the MLS Cycle right there.

His second goal developed from brilliant tight-spaced, crisp, one-touch passing between Carroll, Olsen, and Alecko that led to him breaking out ahead into a 1v1 situation with Tony Meola and then doing what forwards are supposed to do: finish.

Alecko owns his hometown team and we’re not just talking goal scoring here. Did everyone see that celebration after his first goal? Gonna be hard to beat that celebration this year or any year. You just know that Clint Dempsey is wishing he thought of that one first.

…

• Header by The Belly.
• List compiled and edited by ursula with input from all the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Mark De Grandpre.

We now take you to today’s nationally televised MLS new conference …

Don Garber: Thank you for attending. First off I am pleased to have with me on the podium to my left Bruce Arena, Dave Sarachan, Steve Nicol, Sigi Schmid, Steve Sampson, Bob Bradley, Mo Johnston, John Ellinger, and Bob Gansler to help take your questions and, in general, agree with everything I say.

First off a couple of announcements: This MLS season is dedicated to showing the world that our league is on par with any league out there. To prove this we are taking the following steps:

• We are not only continuing our league during the World Cup, we are buying airtime for our games in every country showing that inferior competition. Thus we will show our product is clearly superior. A surprised Bruce Arena is seen with his mouth wide open but his expressions soon changes from astonishment to contentment when a fly enters his mouth and he swallows it. Sigi notices and opens his mouth too.

• We are instructing our officials, EVERY ONE OF WHOM IS BETTER THAN PETER “FREAKIN’ HAND GROWING OUT OF BERHALTER’S FACE” PENDERGAST!, to be extra careful NOT to reward diving. Dave Sarachan: ***cough Keimara cough*** Sigi slowly gets up, moves two seats to his right and sits down. The audience hears a muffled scream and Garber looks to his left then back to the audience.

• Before I go on, there is breaking news. Dave Sarachan has resigned from the Chicago Fire for personal reasons and Sigi Schmid has replaced him. The Columbus Crew are now in the process of hiring a new head coach. From the back of the room come shouts of “Me me! Coming from a man who looks much like the coach of George Mason University. A security guard looking much like Adam Baldwin from the movie Serenity but with the name tag, “Hello! I am Bill Archer!” tosses the man out the door.

• As I was saying, we are set to make MLS the most legitimate league in the world. For the final step in this process we are instituting a new single table format and in that format teams will be given points for keeping the score down. So here are the new standings as of today:

1. New England Revolution - Steve Nicol has done a fine job stifling what little creativity remained after last years’ Cup final. One goal scored for every three matches is the ideal for which we want all our coaches to strive. Nicol gets pats on the back from Sampson and Schmid. Gansler looks bewildered. Arena glares at Garber. Something needs to be done about that Dempsey character though. Fortunately he’s leaving soon for that lesser summer league in Germany.

2. Real Salt Lake - Is there any doubt about who’s now the REAL team in the world? Probably their only weakness is this upstart Jason Kreis. Kreis we understand is being removed from the team and will now be on Bruce Arena’s World Cup team. Arena gags.

3. We have a three-way tie for third between the LA Galaxy, Columbus Crew, and New York Red Bulls. Technically the Crew are alone in third on goal differential and since they are doing so well, team management has decided to install Rusty Pierce as player coach. Gun shots from the rear of the room tattoo the wall over Garber’s head. Garber again: Since Steve Sampson is here, I’d like to congratulate Steve on a good job with his offense - with the exception of Landon Donovan. Look Steve, we aren’t paying that player that amount of jack to produce goals. From now on he’s strictly a reserve league player. Arena bangs his head on the table. Also LA now has the services of the best GM in the business, Alexi Lalas, fresh from his great job with RBNY. Alexi says he looks forward to doing the same bang-up job that he did in NY. Sampson starts banging his head on the table in time with Arena.

6. In a tie for sixth place we have Chivas USA and the Chicago Fire. The Fire aren’t doing too well so far but with given how their new head coach turned things around in Columbus I am sure the Fire will turn things around with a nice control possession oriented approach. Hand grenades are lobbed from the back of the room just missing Garber. As I understand it, Mr. Schmid has already made his first personnel move, selling Chris Rolfe to the Western Massachusetts Pioneers for a used hole in the ground and thirty-two copies of, “The Nigeria Guide of Coaching Stability.” Sigi has since traded the guides to NYRB for absolutely nothing, i.e. Amado Guevara. Chivas under Bob Bradley is languishing in last place due to some inept play by their attack. A quizzical look crosses Bob Gansler’s face. League management has taken it upon itself to remedy this by placing Ante Razov on Bruce Arena’s World Cup developmental team. Arena slaps Garber into next Sunday. Eventually Don gets up.

Oh yes. The final news is that the league has had to undergo an emergency contraction, letting go of the teams in Houston, Kansas City, and DC. Their goal scoring alone indicated their management’s complete lack of understanding of the league’s goals and proved it would be best if they completely disappeared. Their management and players have been sold to organizations in Guam, American Samoa, and Africa respectively.

Thank you for attending this press conference.
…
A shake it if you’ve got it 4-4-2.

Troy Perkins – (1)

The third year goalkeeper beat out veterans Tony Meola and Matt Reis by a single vote to earn a spot in this week’s AAXI. Last weekend the young keeper, who seems to gain more confidence with every game, earned his second clean sheet in a row. He was pulling Air Patrol duty all night, hauling in anything that floated into his box. And if he didn’t haul it in then he punched it out with authority. He had real command over his box. He positioned himself well, notably on a Ronald Cerritos header late in the second half and completely took Ching out of the game by denying him any air service. He also distributed the ball very well and demonstrated and ability to pick people out from long range and boot the ball right to them in an attacking position. His 50/50 balls into the opponents half always seemed to find DC players. It was real stand out performance.

Tim Regan – (1)

Yes, we know. He couldn’t stop Landon Donovan in the end. But until then he stopped everything else Los Angeles threw his way. Watching him track down Cornell Glenn after he got in behind the defense was phenomenal. Without him in the middle, who knows how many goals Glen would have had for the Galaxy. Who knew the kid had so much speed? He owned the penalty box and made it patently impossible for Glen or Donovan to get any footing or angles or service. Regan’s wonderful performance almost single-handedly put Chivas in a position to win this game. Regan is playing at a very high level and if he keeps this up he’ll be a serious player in the post Germany national team mix.

Rusty Pierce – (1)

Whatever happened to that chippy, scrappy, uneven defender at New England? We’re used to seeing Rusty play like Joey Franchino without the left foot. But Saturday he was excellent, and stood out in a lackluster match. He appeared a calm, assured, mature defender who led his defense and didn’t make any false moves whatsoever. And there was nary a hack to be seen. Most amazingly he put in this fine performance while going up against the indomitable Justin Mapp. Given how bad Pierce was in week one it was perhaps surprising to see Rusty freeze Mapp out of the game so effortlessly, particularly in the first half. Pierce was strong and dependable on a Crew team that needed their nerves steadied.

Jonathan Bornstein – (1)

The rookie’s performance against the Galaxy didn’t draw nearly as many superlatives as the one put in by his defensive team mate Tim Regan, but the converted forward from UCLA put in an excellent performance nonetheless. He was everywhere, shutting down the Galaxy’s midfield, helping out in back, and making long, forceful runs through the Galaxy defense. His game is very aggressive and yet quite clean. He’s quick to transition to the offense, in part because he looks up and uses his vision. The youngster is one to watch.

Jimmy Conrad – (1)

Conrad would have a spot on this team even if he didn’t score the game-winning goal. He marked Taylor Twellman out of the match (and maybe out of the World Cup squad because if one of the US’s bubble defenders can shut down Twellman like that, it doesn’t bode well for striker’s chances in Germany). Twellman was probably checking the seat behind him on the bus out of Arrowhead to make sure Conrad wasn’t there. A superb performance following a remarkable comeback from hernia surgery.

The Prophet – (1)

If Landon Donovan is on your team, you love him. If he isn’t, you hate him. Last weekend’s game against Chivas USA showed why. It was a microcosm of the Galaxy’s season last year: barely hold on and disappoint for 90% of the time then come on strong in the final moments to win. It’s like the Galaxy use that Fast Trac machine at Disney World where instead of waiting hours in line you just come and get a time stamped ticket then return an hour later and go to the front of the line. If the Galaxy go anywhere it’s because Donovan takes them there. No other player in the league has the total package that Donovan showed at the end of the game: dribbling, speed, vision, touch, guts. Chivas USA was reminded of that fact the hard way.

The Messiah – (1)

This was the kind of show we always wanted to see from Freddy Adu: entertaining flash coupled with professional consistency. It was the most impressive game Freddy’s played as a pro in quite some time. He remained active and focused throughout the game, complimented Gomez and Moreno perfectly and constantly kept Houston on its heels with his runs and dribbling. He even helped stifle Houston’s attack by playing some defense. Good thing he didn’t score or people all over the country would be demanding Bruce take him to Germany.

Clint Dempsey – (2)

On a night when the Revs struggled for offense, Clint’s ability to take on defenders was the lone bright spot. He didn’t score, but the only truly dangerous opportunities came when he had the ball at his feet. As the commentators pointed out, he’s now using his tricks with a purpose in mind, not just for the sake of doing tricks. Without Dempsey, the Revs would have looked absolutely punchless. Whenever he has the ball you get the feeling something remarkable can always happen.

Chris Klein – (1)

The veteran finally had the 90 minutes we’ve been waiting for him to have! Klein was arguably the most dangerous and tireless RSL player out there. He delivered some beautiful crosses and corner kicks that really should have been put away. And he forced Meola’s best save of the first half on a brilliant first-time shot from long distance. In the end he was largely responsible for the game tying goal. First, the veteran tricked Mendes into a harmless foul in the 88th minute to earn the free kick, and then he placed that kick right on Jason Kreis’s head for a gorgeous assist and goal.

Jason Kreis – (1)

Jason Kreis showed, yet again, why he’s the consummate MLS professional. Salt Lake had been knocking on New York’s final third all night, but it wasn’t until Kreis entered that they spent any significant time there. With his energy and pressure, he completely changed the complexion of the match and made the game tying goal possible. The equalizing goal itself was beautiful and clinical, but almost equally impressive was the fact that he wasn’t afraid to get in and make challenges with his surgically-repaired knee on the Turf Monster. Kreis never became a national team mainstay, but it’s hard to find another player who’s given more to Major League Soccer.

Chris Rolfe – (2)

The word “tenacious” just doesn’t do him justice. This kid creates and finishes virtually everything with an exclamation point. If you’re a defender and you take your eye off him for one second, he’s past you. He scores key goals and makes those around him better. Rolfe troubled the Crew’s defense all game and almost won it for his team late. He was unfortunate not to get his first goal of the match in the opening half when he took the ball on a Chad Marshall give-away at the top of the box, and slipped it just under John Busch but off the post. Rolfe finally got the scoring started in the second half when he received a nice through ball from Chad Barrett and placed his low shot through Busch’s legs into the back of the net. Finally, late in the game, Rolfe received the ball with a defender on his back, looped it over both their heads while spinning off his mark, received the ball again on his chest and cracked it off the bounce forcing a spectacular save from Crew goalkeeper. Rolfe remains one to watch and he should be a national team fixture come 2010.
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• Header by ursula.
• List compiled and edited by The Belly with input from all the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Giorgio Chinaglia.

After a thrilling Week 1 of the MLS season, Week 2 followed up by … reminding us why this league is occasionally a hard sell, even to “America’s Soccer Channel.” However, the fan frenzy of the weekend occurred at the Meadowlands, where 35,000 turned out for a celebration of professional soccer in New York, headlined by the legendary Mark Semioli. I heard Pele showed up, too, and tried to hustle everyone at that inexplicable Sierra Mist juggling game he “lost” to Freddy Adu. Can’t blame a guy for trying.

But the excitement of the first-ever Red Bulls home game didn’t go unnoticed by the league powers that be. Apparently, New York fans were deeply moved by disposing of one soulless, corporate team name and the adoption of a new soulless, corporate team name. The great draw inspired a secret, all-day meeting at MLS headquarters, at which league executives came up with ideas for other food and drink related team names to add some “zazz” (technical marketing term) to the 2006 season and beyond. (Note: These are the kind of ideas that Doug Hamilton used to shoot down. Read on and you’ll see how much we’ll miss him.)

Kansas City Cheez Wiz - A gentle nod to team history, albeit slightly less urine-referential. The undefeated Cheez Wiz are true to their new name - great results, but you really don’t want to know how it happened. Between the mystifyingly effective play of Zavagnin, and Burciaga scoring a game winner AND getting a red card, the Cheez Wiz is looking down from the top of the table.

Absolut Columbus - A vodka martini tie-in, shaken, not stirred, for the club on its way to 0-0-7 (W-T-L format). Note to Eddie Gaven: You’ll need a serious haircut before being allowed to play bond yourself. Where is the Fire Sigi bandwagon parked? I’d like to get on in about three weeks unless the Crew pick it up.

New England Guiness - The official beer of brawling Irish brothers is perfect for the traveling Joey and Deuce show. Inside sources inform us that during an intense halftime “rap-off” between Franchino and Dempsey, Joey moderately injured his hamstring attempting imitate a nifty Dempsey “Don’t Tread On Me” move. As a result, the Revs were forced to sub in Kyle Brown, lost control of the midfield, and nearly blew the game to an inferior Red Bulls team. Chalk another one up for team unity.

DC Juicy Juice - Until Freddy turns 21, no alcohol tie-ins for DC. So we’ll go with the most juvenile drink we can think of. But they have played three straight pretty good halves. So sip up, boys! You’ve earned it.

Tostitos Houston - Although for sheer shock value of simultaneously pandering to and offending your target audience, it’s tough to beat “Houston 1836,” league executives have tried to one-up themselves. Also, extensive league research has indicated that 99% of fans either a) don’t know what a Dynamo is, b) do know what it is and think that makes it a stupid name, or c) are wondering why that Hawaiian guy who played for San Jose and spent his off season playing himself off of the national team is suddenly in Houston, and the incredibly-premature leader in the race for MVP.

FC Boddington’s Dallas - The great city of Manchester lost two icons this year. The Boddington’s brewery closed, and United reserve superstriker Kenny Cooper left town. To honor his stellar early season form, and to help him fondly remember his home-away-from-home, FC re-re-names itself Boddington’s.

Chicago Justin Mapps - give the people what they REALLY, REALLY want.

Salt Lake Communion Wafers - We’ll see a true test of faith. Can a stadium full of Mormons put their trust in the Pope? So far this year, it looks like their only hope.

Colorado Doritos - Commander Clint can’t make the field yet, but all those years of boozing and posing while scarfing down Doritos make this endorsement a natural. And it gives Colorado fans something to cheer about while their team amasses all the once-potential-Nat-superstars-but-ultimately-disappointing players it can find. I hear Kyle Martino might be available, guys. Are Steve Snow and Mike Slivinski still retired?

Heineken Chivas - The import from Holland will make everything better. At least, that’s what Chivas is hoping.

Los Angeles Orange Slices - Landon Donovan, after tying the Fire this week: “I honestly feel like I’m on a high school team sometimes.” Well, LandyCakes, then you get to bring the orange slices. Don’t forget to bring enough for everyone on the team.
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A Defensive 4-4-2 (Last week’s 2-4-4 was sexy football. Evidently this week everyone’s all sexed out.)

Bo Oshoniyi– (1) – Kansas City Wizards
In a week with a number of solid goalkeeping performance the largely unheralded Oshoniyi edged out a crowd of goalkeepers to get the AAXI nod. The goalkeeper from Poughkeepsie had Houston in his end most of the night. Nobody could have stopped the set-play goal he conceded, but he kept his defense organized and stopped everything that was shot at him in the run of play.

Jim Curtin – (1) – Chicago Fire
Every single time the Galaxy managed to get their act together and attack, Curtin was there to stop them. He was everywhere. It was a massive performance, a truly dominating defensive outing. He was always in the right place because he seemed to be everywhere. Tackle after tackle, clearance after clearance: he was equal to everything that LA threw at him. He would have gotten the AAXI nod for his superb defensive performance alone, but it certainly didn’t hurt his chances when he notched the tying goal.

Eddie Pope – (1) – Real Salt Lake
High in the Wasatch Mountains Eddie Pope maintains a secret lab where he steals the life essence of other players (think crappy Doctor Who set). He laughs as he straps Mark Lisi into a chair, slowly siphoning off his talent to prolong his own career. So it would seem, anyway. We thought Pope was down, we thought Pope was out. But now we’re seriously wondering what he did to rejuvenate his career. This last weekend he had the kind of game that explains where the nickname “Steady Eddie” comes from. His positioning was masterful all game long, and if you paid close attention, just seeing him mark his man out of the game was good fun. He almost scored towards the end of the match while playing center forward as RSL pressed the attack.

Chris Albright – (1) – Los Angeles Galaxy
Some time before Chris Albright saw the light and started playing right back he was suiting up for DC United often just to look dapper on the bench and occasionally to play forward. It was then that we realized his unusual talent: When you need a post hit, he’s your man. This last weekend Albright led the Galaxy with two shots on goal (note to the Galaxy: if Albright leads your team in shots on goal, even for just one game, you’re in trouble). The first one he hit off the crossbar, a Chris Albright classic. The second went in. The goal aside, Albright played solid defense and dangerous offense on the wing all game long. He did a fine job containing Chicago’s attack down the left flank and made several nice runs that led to scoring chances.

Man Child – (1) – New York Red Bulls
Marvell Wynne showed his potential during his team’s game against New England. Wynne compensated for some positioning problems with speed and quick feet. Stripping Noonan and Dempsey on separate occasions, leading a one-man attack that led to a dangerous free kick, and generally being a nuisance was impressive. He’s living proof that no matter how tactically sophisticated you are at a lower level, the next level always has something new to throw at you. In MLS, his physical gifts are preventing some tactical shortcomings from being exposed. But if he’s a fast learner … look out. He’ll be capped within a year.

Justin Mapp – (1) – Chicago Fire
It really is amazing what Mappinho can do with the ball at his feet. Well, foot. See, he can’t use his right foot for much but running and standing. But it doesn’t matter. One footed as he is, he’ll still beat you most of the time. Mapp had an outstanding offensive performance against Los Angeles. He played superb attacking soccer, owned the left side and made several dangerous and energetic diagonal runs. It was a complete 90 minute performance. He even played some defense. If Mapp hadn’t been on the field Chicago would have looked far, far less dynamic. And they wouldn’t have drawn the foul that led to their tying goal.

Kerry Zavagnin – (1) – Kansas City Wizards
Zavagnin’s efforts in midfield helped keep Houston grasping for new attacking ideas. While he couldn’t help the Wizards maintain much possession, his defensive work rate frustrated Houston’s efforts to find effective solutions, and restricted Houston’s attack mostly to long balls for Ching. Zavagnin also hassled Houston’s midfielders and forced them to resort to square and back passes more often than they wanted.

Chris Henderson – (1) – New York Red Bull
It’s taken many years, but we at the AAXI finally believe Chris Henderson is emerging from his younger brother’s shadow. His brother, Sean, suited up alongside his older brother for a few years in Colorado before heading out to greener pastures in Seattle. But Chris stuck it out, bounced from team to team, found one of his teams bounced from the league, and then fell victim to Sigizing in Columbus. Now he’s plying his trade in New York and doing what he’s always did. Last weekend Old Man Hendo did a tireless job on the left wing, flying up and down the field to make an impact at both ends. He made a number of intelligent diagonal runs to generate scoring opportunities, including a one-on-one with Matt Reis that the Rev keeper did well to keep out of the net.

Jacob Thomas – (1) – Columbus Crew
This newcomer to Major League Soccer was arguably the best Crew midfielder on the field Saturday night. Dribbling right at defenders he constantly caused Colorado problems with his speed. He should have scored one, if not two, goals in the first half and called it a night. The second half you could tell the “Mile-High” air got to him, but until then he was impressive. It looks like the right side (with Hejduk) is in good hands with the Crew.

Kenny Cooper – (2) – FC Dallas
Admit it. You didn’t think he’d amount to much. But after his play the last two weeks it looks like a good number of us should start eating crow. The kid can play. His defending may be a bit suspect, but his attack is downright scary. Colin Clarke is playing him out wide on the right, but he doesn’t look out of place there. Last weekend he was very energetic on the wing, demonstrated a knack for getting into good positions, and showed that he can dribble far better than most any other “big man” in the league. He hasn’t been here long, but he’s already cemented his place as a fixture in the Dallas offense.

Brian Ching – (2) – Houston Dynamo
The Hawaiian native again excelled this week, despite facing a stronger defensive team. Houston relied heavily, and somewhat predictably, on air mail to Ching. He still consistently beat his defender to knock down almost every contested air ball. Long, hopeful efforts launched from deep in the back, clever lobs from midfield that required quicker reactions, he won them all. In addition to the goal Ching also struck the frame and got himself into position for a couple of crosses. Just another typically strong week in the life of Brian.

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• Header by Casper.
• List compiled and edited by The Belly with input from all the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on John Guppy.

The triumphant return of the All-American XI in this, the 11^th season of Major League Soccer, shall be known as the Golazo! Golazo! Golazo! edition.

Something just isn’t right. Opening weekends in MLS aren’t supposed to be that entertaining. They aren’t supposed to see 24 goals scored. And they sure as hell aren’t supposed to see Brian Ching put up a four-spot. Will those of you who thought Brian Ching was capable of scoring four goals in a game, raise your hand. Now repeat after me, “I am full of crap.”

An entertaining weekend it was, but let’s be honest, we were all itching for MLS action after the long winter hibernation. Sure watching games between some of the best clubs in the world on Fox Soccer Channel and GolTV is entertaining, but for some of us it doesn’t get better than the home grown talent and excitement of MLS.

• You just can’t beat watching Chris Rolfe juke the entire Dallas backline out of their hoops and clinically finish another chance in the second half.
• Regardless of your club allegiances, you were just a little bit excited watching Manchester United product Kenny Cooper give us a taste of what’s to come.
• Nothing compares to watching Alecko Eskandarian return to form and bring DC charging back after halftime.
• How thrilling was it watching Eddie Johnson actually leaving a vapor trail behind him to net his first goal in a KC shirt?
• And it doesn’t get better than watching Clint Dempsey do what Clint Dempsey does.

MLS is back with a vengeance, and with the World Cup coming this summer there are a lot of eyes on the Americans. Can they repeat a classic American underdog performance from 2002? Can they prove to the world that they can hang with the best in the Group of Really Painful Paper Cuts? Will some of the very names you’ll see here week in and week out till mid-May showcase their talent on the world’s biggest stage?

We will see.

Come June when the world’s attention is on the World Cup and people are living and dying with their national teams, some of us here in the US will also be living and dying with our clubs each week, and that is exactly what we’ve been waiting for over the last five months.

For God’s sake, put your hands back down.
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An Attacking 2-4-4 (What do expect in a week that averaged four goals per game?)

Matt Reis - (1) - New England Revolution
This week the strikers were hot and keepers were struggling but Reis did enough to earn a clean sheet. His positioning was excellent on Donovan’s corners, and while he had some difficulty with rebounds he did exactly what he had to do to secure three points for the Revolution.

Matt Groenwald - (1) - Kansas City Wizards
The converted midfielder from Prospect, Illinois is the AAXI’s leading prospect for rookie of the year. He is also, as of yet, the only prospect for this illustrious award. The new Kansas City right back absolutely dominated his side of the field both offensively and defensively. Offensively he had the cross and assist to Arnaud while defensively he marked Kyle Martino out of the game. When Martino was subbed out and the Crew’s promising rookie forward Kei Kamara moved to left wing, he disappeared as well. Groenwald has it all: size, speed, finesse on the ball, and a mention on the AAXI.

James Riley - (1) - New England Revolution
It was a steady and quiet performance for the sophomore out of Wake Forest. There’s no one spectacular play or tackle that stands out because he was rarely out of position so he never had to make any dramatic plays. But his clearances were timely and he helped to keep Gomez and Donovan in check the entire night. Riley is ready this year.

Brian Mullan - (1) - Houston Dynamo
Good wing play is a rarity in MLS and that’s why Brian Mullan so often stands out. Against Colorado he was a terror on the left flank and sent in several dangerous, pinpoint crosses. Perhaps he faded a bit in the second half, but he still caused problems for the Rapids all night. Mullan is fast, can take guys on with the ball at his feet, plays defense, and serves in wicked crosses. What else could you want from a right-sided midfielder?

Davy Arnaud - (1) - Kansas City Wizards
He may be the perfect counterpart to Eddie Johnson; both can run at defenders, dish, or become targets. While Eddie can score a lot of goals, Arnaud always seems to score big goals. An opening day, game winning cracker of goal - chesting the ball down to himself and whacking it on the half volley to the far side - certainly falls into that category.

Clint Dempsey - (1) - New England Revolution
Between his burgeoning freestyle rap career and his forays into freestyle fisticuffs it’s hard to believe Clint Dempsey has the time for soccer these days. But there he was frustrating the Galaxy, imposing his will on the game, and scoring the winning goal with one of his trademark diving headers.

Jesse Marsch - (1) - CD Chivas USA
Jesse Marsch is the exactly the kind of professional player around which you build a team in Major League Soccer. Bob Bradley knows this. That’s why Marsch was one of the first players he procured for the Chicago Fire back in 1998. And that’s also why Bradley brought him to Chivas USA in 2006. In stark contrast to the team in 2005, Marsch herded the goats in a steady and controlled manner. The veteran played smart and solid balls, made sure everyone was in the right position and basically did what he does best: be a coach on the field.

Alecko Eskandarian - (1) - DC United
“Will Esky ever really come back from his injuries?” That’s the question DC United folks have been asking for almost a year. Of course everyone else around the league was asking the same question, albeit for entirely different reasons. When Esky came on as a substitute in the second half, scored a beautiful golazo with a volley shot off a cross into the top of the net, and helped to lead his team to a comeback draw he reminded everyone how dangerous he is and how important he is to DC United’s attack. Nobody else on that team finds space and creates chances like he does. As Eskandarian goes, so goes DC United.

Chris Rolfe - (1) - Chicago Fire
This guy is just plain fun to watch. He runs at the opposition as well as nearly any forward in the league, and his quickness on and off the ball is stellar. He brazenly takes on defenders (with uncanny success) and has an opportunistic knack for making something out of nothing. Last weekend Rolfe was the most dangerous player on the Fire. Between confidently and skillfully evading multiple defenders and setting up the opportunity Rolfe can take credit for everything except putting the ball in the back of the net on Chicago’s first goal. But Rolfe used a beautiful half volley to put it in himself on the second goal. Perhaps his youth and inexperience still show from time to time, but he remains a special player.

Kenny Cooper - (1) - FC Dallas
All you can ask from a second half substitute striker is that he make a difference. And making a difference means one and only one thing: do something, anything, that leads to a goal (preferably not an own-goal). When Cooper came into the game his team needed a goal and the former Manchester United product delivered just what they needed. It’s easy to see why Sir Alex once thought so highly of the player: he’s surprisingly skilled on the ball, has a very aggressive attitude, and buries his chances.

Brian Ching - (1) - Houston Dynamo
And now we come to this week’s most controversial pick. Who would fill the final slot in this season’s first AAXI? Would it be Brian Ching who scored four touchdowns in one game for Polk High School four goals in one game for the Houston Dynamo or Justin Mapp who failed to garner even a single vote from the AAXI contributors this week? In the end we decided to make the hard call and give the honor to Brian Ching. (Oh, fine. Truth be told we flipped a coin.) But you’ve gotta admit Brian Ching was en fuego. Colorado knew what he was going to do, but they still couldn’t stop him. Once he notched one you just knew he’d score more. Ching and Mullan showed why soccer is the beautiful game. Each had to do his part to make the whole thing work: Mullan sent in the perfect cross, Ching headed it perfectly into the goal. It was a great show. And we can only hope the fans in Houston appreciated it because we’re quite positive the fans in San Jose didn’t no longer can.

(Note: There was some confusion about the last line. It has been edited for clarity - though the edit lacks the punch of the original. Apologies to the former San Jose fans who took it the wrong way.)
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• Header by Chicago1871.
• List compiled and edited by The Belly with input from all the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Steve Sampson.

“In case you didn’t know, one of the best soccer reads of any week during the MLS season is THE ALL AMERICAN XI, a collaborative effort among an elite group of BigSoccer posters to pick the best homegrown footballers of the week. It’s witty, informative and good fodder for chit-chat around the water cooler. Or, it would be, if any workplace in this country had more than one soccer fan in it.”

— Footballs Are Round!, July 29, 2005

Can you believe it? We didn’t even pay him to write that.

Like they say, there’s no accounting for taste.