But wait; that discussion about viewing options threatened to dip into witty and/or insightful range. The point is, lots of good games were broadcast last weekend. The two games with playoff implications really lived up to the hype, with a total of eleven goals scored in the two games and several near misses as exciting as most of the goals. A pair of misses by Dwayne DeRosario - both on breakaway opportunities - drove RSL fans crazy as the 3-3 tie between Houston and Colorado knocked them out of the playoff race. But for the neutral fan, seeing the Rapids come back from a goal down three times in the same game was well worth the investment of time. Luckily, refereeing decisions had nothing to do with that outcome, so RSL fans weren’t left to rue a game changing call, but Kansas City fans weren’t so fortunate. Needing only a tie, KC gave up two penalty kicks and ended up losing the game and the final playoff spot to New York - and gave Wizards players and fans reason to rue the calls.

Terrific goals abounded in the Galaxy-FC Dallas game, with all seven worthy of repeated viewing. A tense defensive affair featuring New England and Columbus was the weekend’s anomaly, though the 1-1 draw between RSL and Chivas generated only slightly more attacking soccer. But the Chicago-DC United match provided the best single moment of the weekend: the scintillating series of passes strung together by the Fire that led to Andy Herron’s emphatic game winner.

In short, it was a terrific weekend to be a fan of Major League Soccer, even if your team didn’t get the result it needed to keep the season going. It is to be savored as we prepare for the playoffs and off season, and await the return of MLS in the Spring.
…

The final AAXI for the season features the unlikely return of the 6-2-2 formation, with a few caveats. First, we all know that Jonathan Bornstein will be a key contributor in the Chivas attack regardless of whether he officially lines up at defense, midfield, or forward. Second, Todd Dunivant played in the defensive mold of Bixente Lizarazu or Roberto Carlos (in other words, hardly defensively). Third, Craig Waibel became a scoring machine, meaning that only half of the defenders on the list focused on, well, defense. It’s as close to a 3-5-2 as a 6-2-2 can get.

Matt Pickens – (2)

is one of two starting goalkeepers in the Eastern Conference who are keeping their more famous teammates on the bench (Jon Conway being the other). In this case, Zach Thornton continues to ride the bench as he has since returning from injury. On the last weekend of the season, Pickens was good enough to stop everyone (he had 8 saves) except Christian Gomez in the win over DC.

Eddie Pope – (6)

played almost flawlessly for RSL in the season ending draw with Chivas USA. He kept the defense organized when the team switched from four to three in the back, made incisive passes out of the back, cleared several dangerous balls, and popped up in the box on offensive forays when necessary. Pope quietly played as well as any defender in the league over the last two months of the season in what remained a very patchwork group.

Jonathan Bornstein – (9)

lined up as a defender if the line up is to be believed. But why not? He appeared on the AAXI in all three field positions over the course of the year, and seemed to pop up on the offensive end whenever Chivas needed him. The runaway rookie of the year, Bornstein was part of a draft that made the difference in Chivas being a playoff team and being on the outside looking in.

Todd Dunivant – (1)

whose brilliantly weighted chip pass to Henderson was largely responsible for earning the Red Bulls first penalty kick, also makes the list. Dunivant came within inches of the goal of the week when his first half blast nearly broke the Meadowlands crossbar. Dunivant played like a left back who knew his team needed a win, critically. Might have come in handy against, oh, let’s say, Ghana, just to pick a game out of a hat.

Tim Regan – (6)

gains the nomination for playing the role of the savvy veteran on the Chivas backline. It was amazing that they didn’t give up more goals - and the goal posts deserve part of the credit - but Regan kept things sane and showed that he’s actually learned a few points from the veteranisimos, Claudio Suarez and Carlos Llamosa.

Craig Waibel – (5)

almost single handedly kept RSL in the playoff picture by willing Houston to the victory over Colorado. His pair of goals and generally solid defense kept the Rapids at bay for much of the game, highlighting what the HDNet broadcasters kept refering to as the Comeback Player of the Year performance.

Pablo Mastroeni – (5)

was at fault on none of the trio of Dynamo goals. In fact, without a great game from Mastroeni, the Dynamo total would have been higher. On a night when Mike Petke was out with on a red card, Aitor Karanka was uncharateristically weak on defense, and Dan Gargan and Matt Crawford were subpar, Mastroeni had to go it almost totally alone as his team did just enough to earn the draw and eke into the playoffs.

Cobi Jones – (2)

has spent eleven memorable seasons with the Galaxy. And in those eleven years he had few nights to match the offensive output he contributed against FC Dallas. His fourth goal of the year and assists 2-4 meant that he had a hand in four of the five Galaxy goals. Not bad for an old man like him.

Chris Armas – (2)

controlled the midfield for Chicago in the team’s victory over DC United. Even the ESPN2 announcing crew of Rob Stone and Eric Wynalda - normally blind to any contributor not on the score sheet - named Armas player of the game.

Landon Donovan – (6)

only had two goals and an assist. We say “only,” because he rampaged through the Dallas team so thoroughly that he seemed as likely to end with a half dozen goals as two. Some fans might’ve expected the disinterested Donovan to show up, since the game didn’t matter, but show up he did. He finishes with 12 goals in what is generally considered a lackluster year.

Herculez Gomez – (1)

might have only gotten the start because recent first eleven choice Alan Gordon injured himself in practice this week. But for the first time this season, he looked like the player who had some USNT fans thinking call-up last year. With two assists and a goal on a night he made Chris Gbandi look foolish, Gomez played very well.
…

• Header by ismitje.
• List compiled and edited by ismitje.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Don Garber.

Well, of course we got it. Somehow, we always do.

ilBruce: u there?
really20: yup. haven’t heard from u in a while. wuzzup?
ilBruce: wanted to c u again. moving to ny hasn’t been that great.
really20: should’ve worked out that trade. that guy jozy isn’t working out?
ilBruce: don’t get me wrong – on the field, he’s been great. he’s a no go on the other stuff – only 16 and not really into that kind of stuff.
really20: ive told u – not my thing, either. don’t you know ‘bout my girl jojo?
ilBruce: was sure that was a cover. looks like i’ll be back in old va after next week – we’ve only got the one more game, i’m pretty sure. youre not seeing pele again behind my back, are you?
really20: whatever, dude. nobody gives it up for sierra mist. besides, u got your little midget up there with u now. nice work getting him that job, than yanking it away from him right away.
ilBruce: don’t remind me – he hasn’t been the same since. had to bring in harkes just to make the peace. but come see me later this month – you’ll have fun – just ask convey.
really20: dude, why do you think he was desperate to get to England for like three whole years. i bet u put the work permit committee up to that bs.
ilBruce: yeah that was awesome. played the guy every minute for like two years, then told the committee he actually sucked (no pun intended) that was awesome. anyway, why u so hostile?
really20: it wasn’t too cool inviting me to camp last winter just to “hang out.” and telling me that ld used to do it was all kinds of wrong. you’d never so that to deuce – he’d cut you.
ilBruce: so I guess that’s a no?
really20: buddy, run for congress – you’ll have a better shot. and stay the *!#& out of the dc locker room during the playoffs.
…

For the penultimate edition of the 2006 AAXI, we present you with a 2-6-2, which may be the only line up we haven’t trotted out yet this year.

Brad Guzan – (3)

didn’t get the memo that Bob Bradley secretly WANTED Chivas to lose, to sabotage the Red Bulls’ playoff chances. Jason Hernandez WAS in on the deal with Bob, allowing multiple free breaks through the central defense, and even conceding a crucial penalty on an ugly, stupid tackle where he whiffed the diving Josh Wolff but still richly merited being called for the penalty. Guzan stuffed at least two clear-cut breakaways with great anticipation, and was just a little more fingertip away from stopping a penalty and being the guaranteed goalkeeper for the AAXI.

Hunter Freeman – (1)

what can you say about a youngster who anchors his defense from the wing very effectively, AND picks a fight with Dema Kovalenko in the same game? You put him on the AAXI. Freeman already looks like a lock to become a solid MLS vet; he’s on that relatively long list of guys who may get their first cap during the next couple of years. A solid youth Nats resume has him on the radar.

Jose Burciaga Jr. – (2)

didn’t have the consistent match one might have hoped, but his highs were so high that it’s impossible to keep him off of this week’s list. Jose’s free kicks were as solid as any we see in this league, and putting the ball on the head of new teammate Dave van den Bergh proved to be an awfully good idea. (Also a good idea, Chivas - defending the tall Dutch guy you’ve never seen before. Who knows, he’s tall - maybe he’s good in the air. Just a thought.) Burciaga’s ice-in-the-veins penalty kick may prove to be the signature moment putting the Wizards into the playoffs. He plays with as much attitude as any other (good) player in the league.

Jonathan Bornstein – (8)

drew the penalty that briefly led to cheers from our New York contingent of committee members. Let’s just say we wanted the ball at his feet as much as possible, hoping that a forward pass to Matt Taylor wasn’t in his plans. Chivas used to have forwards, right? Still the most creative, dynamic American rookie since Dempsey’s rookie year in ‘04, and we mean that as a compliment, and not as a diss to Kenny Cooper.

Davy Arnaud – (3)

hustled harder than anyone on the field. A pair of brilliant through balls to Josh Wolff led to great opportunities, though each pass had the fatal flaw of … being a pass to Josh Wolff. If not for Jose Burciaga Jr.’s eye-popping highlight reel, Arnaud was a sure thing to be MOTM in a crucial win.

Clint Dempsey – (5)

scored a beautiful goal, beating at least three defenders and the keeper, continuously threatened the DC United goal, and, just for grins, cleared a ball out of the Revs box with a bicycle kick.

Eddie Gaven – (2)

has absorbed more criticism (much of it deserved) than just about any other player in MLS this season. But he keeps coming, showing flashes of brilliance that hint that he may still flourish and be the player we all hope he’ll become. A goal and an assist in the Crew romp over the Fire highlight his potential - and merit him an AAXI place this week.

Carey Talley – (4)

returned from red card suspension and willed RSL to a tie against Houston, which kept his team’s faltering playoff hopes alive. Jeff Cunningham’s scoring prowess gets the glory, but Talley’s yeoman work is the main driving force in pushing the second year team towards respectability.

Kenny Cooper – (10)

took a long time to convince us not to nominate Chris Albright this week, but when he beat Albright for Dallas’ second goal, and we realized that Albright also lost Ruiz for the first FC goal, we knew Kenny had it wrapped up. Purportedly a midfielder according to the lineup card, Kenny was given free range of the field, leading to being in position in front of the net when necessary, and even leading to a sweet combination with Ronnie O’Brien and Richard Mulrooney while the entire Dallas midfield decided to have tea on the right flank. Kenny looks good with the ball at his feet … and is even more effective than he looks.

Jason Garey – (2)

better not be magically traded to a playoff-bound team from the Eastern Conference, because Chicago was at a total loss as to how to defend him on Saturday. But who knows - this is the MLS, where strange player transfers sometimes take place - watch out, Fire!

Landon Donovan – (5)

surely deserved better. Donovan was clearly the best player on the field, helping set up numerous Galaxy opportunities with deft touches, including notable long passes to Alan Gordon and Chris Albright. A brilliant chest trap and volley blast (that the committee confesses to practicing repeatedly against the garage) capped off an individual performance that wasn’t enough against superior opposition. Did Donovan show up for this game because it was a must-win for the Galaxy playoff hopes, or because he wanted to look extra-sweet in High Definition? We’re going with the HD thing. Here’s hoping he takes next week off, gets his longest rest in at least eight years, and comes back with renewed purpose for a new Nats coach.
…

• Header by Casper. (No, really! ismitje didn’t write it this time!)
• But ismitje did compile and edit the list with input from the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Giorgio “fugitive from justice” Chinaglia.

But we at the AAXI can’t help but wonder how having those teams in the league still would have changed the composition of the weekly AAXI teams. What Yanks would have stood out for the Earthquakes, Mutiny, and Fusion in 2006? We present two players who might have stood out for each of the three teams.

Cam Weaver - F - Tampa Bay took a few months to overcome first year jitters. But once he settled in with the Mutiny, the rookie who moved up from the USL’s Seattle Sounders had a better year at forward than any other first year player besides Jonathan Bornstein.

Preki - M - Miami found himself on the outs with Kansas City at the end of the 2005 season, but rather than accept an offer to become an assistant coach with Bob Bradley at Chivas USA, he returned to southern Florida to spend a second season with the Fusion. And while he has not been a regular starter with the Fusion, the veteran had a few good games left in the tank as a spot starter and twenty minute specialist.

Troy Dayak - D - San Jose managed an amazing recovery from what many feared was a career-ending injury during the 2005 season. Dayak returned from an offseason stint as coach of the MISL’s California Cougars to serve as the inspirational leader of the revamped Earthquakes defense, as San Jose fans cheered for their long time favorite as he snagged a series of AAXI nominations.

Eric Denton - D - Tampa Bay spent his sixth season with the Mutiny following the trade that brought him to Tampa Bay from DC United. A fixture in defense, Denton also continued to show an occasional propensity to get forward and threaten the goal. The poor man’s Chris Albright, the Santa Clara grad made the AAXI a handful of times and remained the face of Tampa Bay Mutiny soccer.

Scott Vallow - GK - Miami finally broke out in MLS the way he stood out for Rochester many seasons. The former backup to Scott Garlick, Joe Cannon, and Pat Onstad found a steady spot in a fifteen team MLS after not catching on in earlier stints with New England, Colorado, and Dallas.

Joey Gjertsen - F - San Jose moved south from the USL’s Vancouver Whitecaps to join the Earthquakes following a solid rookie season. The Tacoma native came to MLS with little fanfare, but the Evergreen State College graduate steadily increased his playing time over the course of the season and made his way onto the AAXI a time or two by the time the season wrapped up.

But let’s get back to the existing squads and this week’s team. Finally some offense for the AAXI! It may have taken until week 27, but the defense-heavy formations of the past few months give way this week to a 2-4-4. How good was the collective attacking midfield group and forwards? So good that there is no spot this week for Brian Ching and his stunning game winning goal.
…

Troy Perkins – (7)

had a great game. He had no chance at all on Brian Ching’s amazing goal. As for the rest of this game, he stopped Ching point-blank early in the second half and showed complete command of his box. We’re not sure there’s a keeper in the league who is better coming off his line into traffic.

Bobby Boswell – (4)

played very well all night and did not seem to be at fault on Ching’s goal. He stoned Dwayne DeRosario several times when the Canadian was burning down the field. Most defenders get left clutching at air, but the Boz timed his tackles perfectly.

Chris Albright – (4)

had a blinder of a game. He absolutely owned the right side of the field in the Chivas match on both offense and defense, and put in a pair of terrific assists. You really can’t say enough about how well he played. Some people may ask where another exciting, attacking MLS defender is on this list, but unlike Albright, Jose Burciaga didn’t play much defense on against RSL.

Brad Davis – (4)

whipped good cross after good cross in against DC United all game long. He was finally rewarded when Paul Daglish flicked on the cross that Brian Ching hammered home, but Davis’s play impressed throughout the match.

Steve Ralston – (2)

was perfect on dead balls for New England against Colorado. His penalty kick early in the match beat Cannon despite the Rapids goalie being three yards off his line, and his perfectly driven free kick led to the Revolution’s second goal. Even though he didn’t distinguish himself over his Rev teammates during the run of play, Ralston was solid, meaning that his overall work justifies his spot on this week’s AAXI.

Brian Mullan – (6)

wasn’t his typical marauding self but he still showed why he’s one of the best midfielders in the league. He matched the tireless Josh Gros stride-for-stride all night and played some excellent defense to help limit DC’s offense.

Jacob Thomas – (5)

was inserted in to the match in the second half he changed it all around and led the Crew to two goals to put the game out of FCD’s reach. The first being a rocket off a free kick that was 30 yards out - too bad there’s no video from this one; it was glorious although it still wouldn’t have beaten Ching’s bicycle for MLS Goal of the Week.

Josmer Altidore – (3)

is almost single handedly keeping New York in the race to make the playoffs. With his second game winning goal in three games, and third straight game with a goal, Altidore justified Bruce Arena’s decision to give the 16 year old his first starting spot.

Josh Wolff – (5)

was involved in all three Kansas City goals. Had Wolff played like this more often this season, KC wouldn’t be fighting for their playoff lives. But this is the weekly AAXI, not the season AAXI, and Wolff belongs here. The goal he scored was pure power, and got the Wizards off on the right foot.

Jason Kreis – (5)

netted a terrific equalizer that earned Real a precious point on the road at Kansas City. After RSL went down a goal early in the game, Kreis dropped back to let other players loose on the attack, and he blocked a good chance for KC early in the second half. But needing a goal, RSL pushed Kreis forward, and he hit a powerful header off the post that he followed up and knocked home for his eighth of the season.

Alan Gordon – (2)

is growing into a pretty good forward. His assist on Pete Vagenas’ goal was very well done and scored himself on an unstoppable header late in the game. The AAXI staff isn’t sure if he’s a target forward like Ching or a poacher like Taylor Twellman or something else, but he looked pretty good Saturday night against Chivas USA.
…

• And ismitje said, “Let there be an AAXI header”; and there was an AAXI header.
• And ismitje said, “Let the best players in MLS be gathered together into one place, and let the AAXI list appear.” And it was so.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on ismitje. That’s the price you pay for omnipotence.

The reasons for this scenario involve two factors. The most obvious one is that international players stood out last week. Certainly Trinidadian Scott Sealy, Guatemalan Carlos Ruiz, Irishman Andy Dorman, Argentine Christian Gomez, Canadian Dwayne DeRosario, and Mexican Panchito Mendoza had terrific games last week. But usually such games by international players don’t come at the expense of strong performances by Yanks; this week they did.

This brings us to the second factor. Most of the games last weekend were tense affairs, featuring cautious teams trying not to lose and so not risking much in attack (the exceptions being the DC United-New York Red Bulls 4-3 barnburner and a furious Galaxy attack stymied by Matt Pickens). This means that despite several low scoring games, only one American defender got the nod (Greg Vanney). Our reasoning? It isn’t particularly hard to keep the score down when the opposing team does relatively little to attack the goal.

And so, we bring you this week the eight man AAXI. Why not? We’ve featured twelve and thirteen man AAXI lineups earlier this season, so in a sense out 1-4-2 is just evening things out a bit.
…

Matt Pickens – (1)

Pickens put in what may be the best goalkeeping performance in Toyota Park history. Ten saves and many other chances deflated before the Galaxy got off a shot - Pickens was amazing and is almost single handedly responsible for eliminating LA from the playoff hunt. Alan Gordon in particular must be having nightmares of Pickens.
Greg Vanney – (2)

Vanney contributed to the Dallas attack throughout the game against RSL, while his defense may have benefitted from Salt Lake’s inexplicable decision to play long ball the whole game.

Richard Mulrooney – (2)

The midfielder made some very nice runs to support the attack and still kept up with his midfield patrol duties.

Jonathan Bornstein – (7)

Bornstein showcased passing in the Colorado game that was simply outstanding, connecting Valderrama-style with Ante Razov and Panchito Mendoza.

Ben Olsen – (4)

Olsen was the engine in DC’s remarkable victory. Undermanned due to suspensions and injuries, and later down to ten men following Facundo Erpen’s bizarre ejection, Olsen was a dynamo on both sides of the ball, and had a pretty assist on Moreno’s goal.

Kyle Beckerman – (4)

Beckerman may be one of the only Rapids players who really seemed to sense the urgency of the playoff push in the late game against Chivas USA. With one exception, all dangerous looking attacks came through a player generally considered a defensive midfielder. Beckerman’s play this year has been terrific, and he for one is thriving under enigmatic coach Fernando Clavijo.

Kenny Cooper – (9)

He scored a ridiculously beautiful goal on a solid, veteran keeperin the playoff-clinching win for the team for Frisco.

Josmer Altidore – (2)

This rookie has come out of nowhere to be one of the only positive lights in a dimming Red Bulls season. This week he had just over fifteen minutes to add some life to the New York attack, and he looked dangerous before connecting on a sweet stoppage time goal to pull the Red Bulls within a goal. The sixteen year old now has as many goals in his 70 minutes of action as Eddie Johnson in 1474.

…

• Header by ismitje. (All hail ismitje!)
• List compiled and edited by ismitje.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Fernando Clavijo. Just because!

And that’s the kind of field “improvement” that we wish was a one-time thing, unnecessary thirty years after the spray paint incident for Pele’s first game. But we have more than our fair share of attempts to manipulate less than ideal field conditions. Some of these even happen on the bane of many players and fans, where fields of Field Turf have been installed in place of grass. In stadiums where MLS shares occupancy with NCAA or NFL teams, this leads to the periodic “erasing” of the football lines and logos - which are never quite gone, and put a disappointing stamp of sorts on the field even before the late season re-painting of “UTES” and “GIANTS” and the like. But painting isn’t the only problem, as the sand on some of the fields has to be watered, and the rubber pellets on others have to be “ploughed” to get them up near the service. Watering and ploughing artificial turf? Seriously?

As bad as the Field Turf stadiums are, and odd the manipulations are, it often pains us as fans to see the grass Soccer Specific Stadiums [SSS] in need of something reminiscent of the Cosmos’ long ago spray paint job. Of course, this stems from the stadiums not being truly SSS, but that’s a topic for another AAXI. What results is fields in need of quick improvement. Torn up grass and vast swatches of bare grass, muddy fields and fields that are too dry. Heroic efforts are needed to get these things looking even quasi-presentable for television broadcasts, and the result is many of us cringing when we see the games on TV or in person.

They may not be the best looking fields week in and week out, but how does one improve a field that just hosted the X-Games, Major League Baseball (and its associated dirt infield), or an R&B concert? Green spray paint, anyone?
…

And on to the list for Week 25. After a season of odd formations, we toss a new one at you this time around: the ever popular 2-2-4, with 3 goalkeepers. Is it our fault if three of the best eleven Yank performances were from netminders? Hardly. The “G” Goalies Three are presented in alphabetical order for your reading pleasure.

Scott Garlick – (1)

Scotty “Pepper” really kept Salt Lake in the game as the second half opened with his team down a goal to Dallas and down a man as well. He made four strong saves - and gave up no rebounds - to keep the deficit at a goal and pave the way for RSL’s remarkable comeback win. Without the stellar play of Garlick, the rest of the team’s effort would have come to naught.

Bill Gaudette – (2)

Gaudette kept the Crew in the game against the Red Bulls almost single handedly as an anemic offense was accompanied by two very soft ejections, leaving Gaudette to bail out Columbus time and again. He even saved a penalty kick, and with five minutes left it appeared likely that he would earn Columbus an unlikely point. Josmer Altidore’s bomb may have been saveable, but you can hardly fault Wild Bill on the night.

El Guzano – (2)

Brad Guzan had a pair of good performances last week. El Guzano was probably the best player on Sunday night in the Chivas-Houston game. He completely controlled his box and left Houston’s predictable, crossing and long ball offense helpless. He just ate up everything that Houston put in the air in the box and, well, Houston likes to put everything in the air in the box. He also had a couple of very nice reaction saves. Midweek he made one of the best saves of the year late in the game, robbing Carlos Ruiz like a Gringo in Tijuana. Ruiz hit a snap header from 8 yards out, head high and moving to Guzan’s right. The kid had no business saving it, but he made a beautiful diving save anyway.

Craig Waibel – (4)

Waibel began the game as the right outside back and then moved to central defense after Ryan Cochrane left the game injured. Ante Razov will get his chances, but Waibel kept him out of the game for most of the night. Interestingly, the Houston offense usually started from Waibel’s position at right back when he was there. Regardless of where Houston recovered the ball, the backs or Clark would get it to Waibel who would then set up newcomer Paul Dalglish, DeRo, or Brian Ching from the wing. Waibel - yes, that Waibel - actually helped make up for the loss of Brian Mullan on the right until he had to move over centrally.

C.J. Brown – (2)

This veteran sometimes seems like the kindest enforcer in the league. Other times, he brings the scowling hammer, but against DC he was the former - whack you with a kindly smile seemed to be his MO. Brown shut down every attack that came at him - mostly through a pedestrian Jaime Moreno but when others threatened as well. It ended up something of a drab affair, and it’s fair that a defender take the player of the match honors for the game.

Ricardo Clark – (6)

Clark may have had one of his most effective games ever. He let nothing move through the center of the park. Clark absolutely terrorized the Chivas midfield, which is otherwise perfectly capable of quick, smart ball movement. He made Chivas’ usually sharp midfield look like the fifth choice midfield for the Crew (which, unfortunately enough for Crew fans, is the one that has taken the field most often this year). He also connected fairly well in attack with Dwayne DeRosario, Ching, and Kenny Dalglish’s kid.

Chris Klein – (3)

Klein was a force down the right side of the field for Real Salt Lake. He scored one of the more ludicrous goals you’ll see, beating five Dallas defenders and slotting the ball through Dario Sala’s legs and into the far side netting from a ridiculous angle to tie the game. His hard crosses from the right were also difficult to deal with all night, and he dropped back effectively in helping lead RSL to an unlikely 10-man win after trailing 2-1. Too bad more of you couldn’t see the game; it was one of the best MLS games this year.

Jonathan Bornstein – (6)

This AAXI favorite again looked dangerous for Chivas USA. I don’t think he had any idea that Juan Pablo Garcia was charging forward when his touch ended up in Garcia’s path, but the presence that Bornstein had to get in the position in the first place, and then stymie Dario Sala with the pullback - great stuff.

Abe Thompson – (1)

Thompson was part of an attack that really clicked in the first half in Salt Lake City. Thompson had assists on both the goals that Carlos Ruiz scored, and played a fine game overall. This isn’t his first good game in the Wasatch, either, as he scored his first professional goal there last year. We may see more of Mr. Thompson in future Dallas games - he looked to be one of the only Dallas players who really cared for 90 minutes.

Jason Kreis – (4)

Old Man Kreis has received his fair share of criticism from Salt Lake fans this year - much of it a bit on the unfair side. Coach John Ellinger has moved him around a good bit to plug whatever hole needed plugging, often multiple times in the same game, and Kreis has done so uncomplainingly. But since he has been expected to score goals, and has only seven, folks have been frustrated. Saturday night he did it all. He started up top with Attiba Harris, then dropped back as defensive mid when Carey Talley was red carded about half an hour in. A tactical substitution saw him back up top in half two, a position from which he scored a sweet winning goal - at which time he dropped deep again. A true veteran performance.

Josmer Altidore – (1)

The rookie made his first MLS goal count - in a big way. His game-winning goal advanced the Red Bulls’ halfhearted playoff “charge” a critical step. Yes, we noticed that Columbus decided not to defend him, and Gaudette could have done more than just try a fingertip save, but Altidore showed a great leg, killer instinct, confidence and athleticism in one dazzling moment. Notably, he did not earn a Sierra Mist endorsement for his trouble, though he did become the youngest non-Adu to score in league history.
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• Header by ismitje. (All other AAXI contributors appear like midgets next to ismitje.)
• List compiled and edited by ismitje with input from a bunch of veritable midgets.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Max “I was sure the Galaxy would make the playoffs” Bretos.

Before we begin, a word of caution. As you might infer from the title, the Turd of the Week may not be entirely work safe. True, the images and graphics are far from cutting edge today, and almost all of them are quite funny, but some might hold some surprise “all these years” later. Regardless, feel free to click over to view an archive of the columns at http://prestonm.com/brewcity/totw.shtml - all 150 of them - at any time. You’re liable to be hooked and end up reading the entire archive.

The Turd of the Week was the brainchild of erstwhile Milwaukee Rampage fan Preston McMurry, whose goal was to pursue “to ends of the Earth the cretins, jerks, morons, bozos, and buffoons who persist in ruining the Beautiful Game.” Other fans had only to take the TotW oath to qualify to write for the Turd of the Week column, which an impressive 58 people in addition to Mr. McMurry decided to do. Not surprisingly, the initial targets (honorees?) of the column were major players in the world of soccer - USSF President Bob Contiguglia (for his support of a biannual World Cup), UEFA President Lennart Johannsen (for tacitly supporting the two-referee system), and FIFA President Sepp Blatter (for floating the idea of changing all soccer leagues to February-November schedules). The early columns didn’t feature much more than the Turd himself (or herself - ex-UNC and USWNT player Debbie Keller appeared in both 1999 and 2002), but the complexity of the column expanded quickly to include rants, occasional statistical analysis, a weekly blotter of soccer-related imbroglios, and a vastly expanded list of honorees. Consider the following:

TotW #9 - Greek Mutt
TotW #36 - Fernando Marcos (USL president)
TotW #53- Big Mouth Asshole Parents (BMAPs, a favorite subject)
TotW #62 - Metros Fans Who Love Oldfart (aka Lothar Matthaus)
TotW #88 - BigSoccer.com
TotW #106 - USA Defense
TotW #148 - People of Columbus

True, it could not have been fun being the target of one of the columns, but for many of the rest of us, it was a fun way to spend time every week - even those of us who never took the TotW oath.

So as inappropriate as it may seem to honor a Turd - here’s to the Late, Great Turd of the Week.

On to the list. We had so much positive feedback that we’ve brought back the 5-2-3. Don’t like long ball? Find us some more Yank midfielders to excel week in and week out!
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Jon Conway – (2)

… is the only reason that the Red Bulls weren’t blown out of this one. Most of his seven saves were very difficult, and he needed to be at the top of his game to give New York a chance to tie as the game wound down. Both Clint Dempsey and Andy Dorman would have seen one of their multiple chances hit the back of the net if not for good play from Conway. The choice for starting keeper in New York just got tougher - Tony Meola and his big contract are probably out in the offseason.

Eddie Pope – (5)

… once again stymied an opponent, this time Jaime Moreno, in a draw against DC United. He also anticipated through balls very well and started the Salt Lake attack a number of times. In fact, Pope fit into DC United’s attack so well, you’d think he was their third forward. On top of all that, he roamed forward enough to add a threat to Real’s attack.

CJ Brown – (1)

… has been relatively nondescript this season - nothing spectacular, but good enough to shore up the three man backline. He did look good against the Crew - and any defender who hasn’t scored since 1998 (201 games!) and who helped hold off a hard-charging opponent with a man advantage deserves a nod.

Bryan Namoff – (1)

… played well in something of a makeshift DC defense that mostly kept Jeff Cunningham in check. In fact, Namoff himself seemed to have primary responsibility for marking Cunningham, who rarely popped up to threaten the DC goal.

Greg Vanney – (1)

… has quietly put together one of the better seasons of any MLS defender. He played well again against Chivas, helping the Western Conference leaders to a tie at the Home Depot Center. Fellow defender Clarence Goodson seemed to pop up more on the offensive end - on set pieces - than on the defensive end, so Vanney gets the nod.

Craig Waibel – (3)

… was back in the lineup for the Dynamo and played a typically solid game, while also scoring a goal. Waibel was not the most graceful guy out there, but he got his job done with hard tackles, good positioning, and an incredibly timely goal. Of course, when you make a run and a corner kick lands on your foot, you’d better score!

Pete Vagenas – (1)

… played what may be his first really good game of the year in a 2-1 loss to Houston. Where this attacking-minded version of Pete has been all year is a question that Galaxy fans have to be asking after this display.

Brad Davis – (3)

… didn’t last the whole game, but until he was subbed out late in the second half he played a great game. Davis’ defense is still a little suspect, but he’s now making up for that with intensified effort. He also played parts in both of Houston’s goals, setting up Waibel’s goal with a nice corner kick, and battling Pete Vagenas to spring DeRosario for the game winner.

Davy Arnaud – (2)

… netted a nice pair on Saturday. With two goals on great shots, the reigning MLS Player of the Week is the latest Wizard to pick up the scoring slack from projected scoring duo Josh Wolff and Eddie Johnson, joining Scott Sealy and Jose Burciaga, Jr. with as many or more goals than KC’s Big Guns.

Jeff Cuningham – (6)

… had another quality assist against DC. Stymied on a through ball by surprise United starter Nick Rimando, Cunningham pulled back his run, turned deftly, and laid a perfect ball to a surging Chris Klein, who put the ball in off the far post. Cunningham gets credit for his speed and his goals, but his passing has also been excellent - and his ten assists are tied for the league lead.

Kenny Cooper – (8)

… has been absent from the AAXI for far too many weeks in a row. No fear; Cooper scored a beautiful goal against Chivas USA and again demonstrated excellent touch on the ball. This time he sent a beautiful long range shot past a diving Brad Guzan and into the far upper corner. Welcome back, Mr. Cooper!
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• Header by ismitje.
• List compiled and edited by ismitje with input from the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Chief Apologist Bill Archer.

Canned Music Canned music is a staple of the American sports stadium experience. In other settings, canned music is actually a popular, effective way to generate excitement and enthusiasm among a crowd exposed to too many stoppages in the action. What would pointy ball be without music during the television breaks, or baseball without both canned music and organ tunes between batters and innings? But why anyone thinks that imposing canned music into the flowing action of an MLS match is a mystery. It sounds lame in Kansas City, and it sounds bad in Salt Lake City, and it just doesn’t work . . . anywhere. Add in the fact that it tends to be the same songs regardless of sport and regardless of city (see Rob Walker’s 2003 article on slate.com for details) and the annoyance level rises. Annoyance factor (scale of 1-10) = 8.

Stadium Horns Why do these things retail for so little? Even slapping the official merchandising logo of an NFL team on one of these things only jacks the price up to around $6, meaning that the low end plastic odes to joy cost less than a stadium dog - even on Columbus’s famous Buck-a-Brat night. Your friends over at Stadium Toys (“The place for noisemakers”) Have a new version called the Rally Horn that makes it easier to hold and so more accessible to more people (shudder), since kids don’t have to worry about that long handle. And kids with a stadium horn are incapable of getting bored while blowing the things, so they’re guaranteed to give hours of fun all game long - and before the game, and in the concession area, and at halftime, and in the parking lot, and in your sleep when you get home . . . Annoyance factor: 10

Thunder Sticks Some of the AAXI staffers remember the novelty of the first US Soccer Thunder Sticks that we beheld, which were distributed in a game in Portland, Oregon in the run-up to World Cup 1998. Like that famous result from that Spring in Austria, when the US first used the 3-6-1 and pounded a European team on European soil, 3-0, the debut of the thunder stick seemed to promise good things for the American fan experience. Like what happened with the 3-6-1 that Summer, when the US crashed out of the World Cup in last place, the thunder stick has since failed to live up to the hype. The noise is simply to easy to make, and too difficult to incorporate into the ebb and flow of a soccer game. Perhaps this tidbit from San Francisco Chronicle writer Scott Ostler sums up how some of us feel about the now-ubiquitous thunder sticks: “Memo to all you slack-jawed thunder-stick pounders: To give those things the dignity they deserve, a simple pin-stick will convert them to Whoopie Cushions.” Annoyance factor: 6.

Cow Bells Cow bells have some strong proponents amongst American soccer fans. Fan groups like to use them - nowhere more than at Mississippi State University, where school officials had to ban them due to the overwhelming din they created at home games. Individuals like them too, such as the New York Mets own “CowBell Man” who clangs his all over Shea Stadium to mixed reviews (you can read some strong opinions about the role of CowBell Man at) . And even though some “true” American soccer fans - who wouldn’t be caught uttering a positive word about stadium horns, thunder sticks, or canned music - like them, what makes the cow bell an acceptable part of American soccer fandom? That they may have been used in a soccer culture elsewhere first is one guess. But the relative stature of cow bells makes it had for us to rate them low - Annoyance factor: 6.
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As usual, the AAXI for this week is in a bit of an unorthodox lineup: the 5-2-3. If you don’t have a strong midfield, why not hoof it up to the forwards and go from there?

Troy Perkins – (6)

Can you make the AAXI without making any particularly outstanding stops, especially in a week when Joe Canon stood up RSL? Perkins didn’t make many memorable saves, but that’s because he controlled his box so well, and kept things organized in the back so well, that Chivas hardly gave him - or DC United - any trouble.

Ryan Cochrane – (4)

Some of us on the AAXI staff don’t like the guy, but that is only because he plays for a team other than our own. His physical play in the back and dominance in the air in the midweek clash with the Fire was quite impressive. Nate Jaqua was able to win maybe a header or two all night, because Cochrane was winning damn near every aerial battle he leapt into. He committed a couple dumb fouls, and was annoyed with Calen Carr’s speed, but a little maturing and he could further solidify himself as a solid member of any back line in MLS.

Dasan Robinson – (6)

His play has been consistent over the last two months, pretty much since he broke into, and established himself in the Fire’s starting lineup. Against Houston he won nearly every head ball that he challenged for. He spent the night breaking up plays, distributing well from the back, and keeping several Dynamo players in check. And the funny thing is, this was in his “weak” game of the week as he looked even better on Sunday against New York. His only apparent deficiency at the moment is his hesitancy to make runs forward. He isn’t afraid to make pinpoint passes in the air or on the ground to streaking forwards or midfielders, but he rarely ventures very far forward. Building his confidence a bit more could see the emergence of Carlos Bocanegra’s successor in full.

Eddie Pope – (4)

Eddie Pope played a pair of strong games, although RSL split the week’s games. Midweek against LA, he led something of a makeshift defense with fellow central defender Jack Stewart out on a red card suspension. With Pope calmly controlling the middle of the field, there were lengthy swaths of the game where Landon Donovan’s name wasn’t even mentioned. In the close loss to Colorado on Saturday he wore the armband and did his best to keep an edgy game from getting out of hand.

Pablo Mastroeni – (4)

True, Mastroeni should probably share this week’s spot with Dan Gargan. And true, his post game celebration was downright bizarre. But Pablo played as good a defensive match as any player has in MLS this year in almost completely shutting down Jeff Cunningham in the Rocky Mountain Cup grudge match. This was the kind of performance not often seen by MLS fans but which keep Mastro a USNT regular. The reason that he gets the nod over Gargan is that both of the games in which Gargan has excelled have come in the pair of games he has lined up next to Mastroeni - meaning that Pablo gets an “assist” in Gargan’s good showing.

Chris Leitch – (1)

Leitch rarely ventured forward since he probably knew that Crew teammate Eddie Gaven would not cover for him. The good news is that this allowed Leitch to concentrate almost exclusively on his defense. This meant that the Revs got nearly nothing going down Leitch’s side of the field and eventually switched their attack almost exclusively to the other side of the field.

Justin Mapp – (4)

The guy has finally found his role for the Fire. As a free roaming AM Mapp is at his most dangerous. Against Houston he was all over the field, giving their defense fits as he made dangerous runs and whipped crosses into the box. His run to meet a nice through ball from CJ Brown and cutback before his shot to beat Onstad wasn’t beautiful or spectacular, but an example of pure, simple soccer. He still disappeared for short stretches, and could have therefor had a greater impact on the game, but his performance was good enough for the nomination in a weak week for AAXI midfielders.

Sasha Victorine – (3)

Both Victorine and fellow wide midfielder Jack Jewsbury regularly appeared on weekly AAXI lists early in the season, but have long since disappeared from the ranks of the Yank elite. Last week’s games saw the return of solid play from Victorine, as he put in a pair of strong performances in a week that featured great news for the long term future of the team in Kansas City off the field, but a relatively disappointing week on the field.

Calen Carr – (1)

This rookie just oozes potential, and we saw flashes of greatness against Houston. His speed and willingness to take on opposing players bodes well for his future. What stood out was the multitude of slicing and slashing runs he made, literally “Carrving” up the Dynamo defense. If the Fire midfield had been able to pass better than a u-11 AYSO team he might have had a goal or three, but he proved dangerous, drawing fouls and keeping the Houston defense on their toes all night.

Jason Garey – (1)

Has any rookie been more disparaged this season than Garey? Deservedly so, true, until this week. He scored the opening goal off a rebound and played roles in the other two Crew goals as well as Columbus exploded for a 3-0 win over New England. Garey is not currently the most skilled forward in the league, but on the night he knew exactly how to be in the right place in the right time and never quit. Despite the safe lead, he was still hassling the Revs defenders in the dying minutes of the game. Essentially, he out-Taylor Twellmaned Taylor Twellman.

Alan Gordon – (1)

Gordon may be the best story of the last month in MLS. Seemingly on his way to Portland to get some playing time, coach Frank Yallop instead kept him in LA and gave him three straight starts. A goal last week was followed by a midweek game against RSL, when Gordon was about the only positive thing the Galaxy had going for them. He couldn’t replicate his previous performance and score a goal, but you could bet that whenever LA generated any sort of pressure, Gordon was the cause of it. Then over the weekend he exploded for a brace against Kansas City in an important Galaxy win, and always seemed on the verge of doing something else noteworthy. Glad you could stay, Mr. Gordon.
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• Header by ismitje.
• List compiled and edited by ismitje with input from the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Sigi Schmid.

Last week we introduced those few of you who have never heard of it to YouTube, that wonderful website where fans of all sorts of pastimes can go to see video clips of their favorite performers, whoever or whatever they may be. Fans of the AAXI are, by extension, fans of Major League Soccer, and YouTube is the best place this side of MLSNet to watch a variety of MLS and MLS-related highlights. For the AAXI Week 22, we considered the Western Conference; now it’s the Eastern Conference’s turn. The criteria remains the same: videos must be found via entering only the team name, rather than a particular player, and a particular video must focus on some aspect of the team or a player to be included in the review (meaning, All Star Game highlights that pop up in a search for DC United don’t count towards the DC total listed herein).

This week we take a look at the six Eastern Conference teams and try to identify the “best” clip available on YouTube.

Chicago Fire Much like last week’s entry on the Colorado Rapids, it comes as no surprise that a search for “Chicago Fire” on YouTube brings all sorts of videos. Many of them are videos of the Chicago Fire Department fighting fires all over the city, but there’s still an impressive 60 clips of the team itself. Well, maybe it’s less impressive when you consider that 10 of the first 12 videos have something to do with the recent visit of Chivas USA to Toyota Park. And it is certainly odd to find a lengthy slide show (?!) in place where video is the expected media. But there’s a great video there that should equally please fans of the Fire specifically and league generally: Damani Ralph, 2003 Rookie of the Year. Fire fans get to see a few of the many great moments Ralph generated that season; people who miss the heady days of removing shirts to celebrate goals get to see Ralph’s chest over and over; the rest of us get to see the immortal Paul Grafer and his pants try to stop Ralph.

Columbus Crew Sometimes fans owe allegiance to odd combinations of team, so it isn’t inconceivable that you would find a combination video featuring both DC United and Columbus Crew highlights. But why only for the 1999 season? YouTube poster sum1uno2 is the culprit, but there’s just no way the AAXI staff will criticize this guy: check out the whole list of videos he posted and you’ll find highlight packages from many MLS games, clips from a couple of NASL Soccer Bowls, and even a video featuring “Great US Soccer Hair” (!). Considering everything, sum1uno2 is welcome to post odd combinations of MLS team highlights if he wants. Also found in the modest list of Crew clips (11 total) is the grainiest shot of the Crewzers performing at halftime that one could imagine, and what must be the “best” clip on there for Crew fans: Greg Andrulis walking off the field for the last time as Crew manager, with the jeers raining down on him. Too bad there’s no clip of the famous “pink slip” moment from 2005 when the embattled coach was showered with pink confetti.

DC United Not surprisingly, DC United is the champ amongst all MLS teams with a whopping 98 videos posted to YouTube. Some are odd - “DC United Offsides Goal,” anyone? - and certainly the Barra Brava almost deserves a section of its own. In fact, there’s so many videos of the Barra Brava doing its thing that you start to wonder if some of its members are more enamored of the supporter group, or DC United itself - regardless of how interesting some of the clips are. In a nice touch, you can also see something unique for MLS teams: a compilation of the “Best Saves of 2004” featuring both Troy Perkins and Nick Rimando. It’s a classy touch, and the “best” clip among many fine DC United offerings.

Kansas City Wizards Last week the AAXI staff gave Colorado Rapids fans a bit of a bad time because the team only has 11 videos on YouTube. Well, a search for the Kansas City Wizards reveals no clips whatsoever. No clips! AAXI staffers had to violate the search criteria for the activity and include the team’s prior name in the search - Kansas City Wiz. Again, no clips! But one of the multitude of DC United clips featured Nick Garcia’s first MLS goal, so figuring out how to link to it using only the team name is theoretically possible. “KC Wizards” does the trick, and reveals . . . an underwhelming two videos. Both feature Garcia’s goal. And for such a small sample, the “best” clip is surprisingly good. KC Metrosports did a nice piece on the goal. The clip begins with Jimmy Conrad describing how he tried to catch up with Garcia to celebrate with him, but couldn’t, for Garcia “was like a man possessed.” Well, any of us might be if we played 181 games without scoring a goal, as Garcia had up to that point. The video concludes with an interview featuring Conrad upon his return to MLS from World Cup duty. Good stuff, but come on, KC fans - no clips? Even the defunct Tampa Bay Mutiny have a highlight clip on YouTube!

New England Revolution The selection of Revolution videos isn’t as extensive as one might imagine, given the team’s recent history of playing in big games and popular players who might draw dedicated YouTubers posting clips of their every move (no, not Steve Ralston groupies: we mean Clint “Deuce” Dempsey). You do find the longest clip of any MLS team featured in our overview (more than ten minutes from a single 2005 game between the Revolution and the MetroStars) among the 26 Revolution clips. And there’s one truly odd video entitled “Aftermath of Taylor Twellman Goal” that shows almost nothing aside from the male pattern baldness of the guy standing in front of whoever wielded the camera. But the “best” clip is the appropriately titled “Me @ Gillette Stadium” - three students from the English High School ask, “do you want to learn about the Revolution? Then come follow us.” They teach you everything there is to know about the team in a clip that lasts precisely one minute and thirty-one seconds. Apparently ex-broadcast team Adrian Healy and Brad Feldman - who feature prominently - are what the Revs are all about.

New York Red Bulls In one sense it isn’t quite fair to compare the number and quality of videos for a newly rebranded team like the Red Bulls with one of MLS’s original franchises. But we held the Dynamo to the same standard last week, and they managed some pretty interesting stuff in their 29 clips. Searching for New York Red Bulls generates more clips than Houston - 42 in all. You can learn a good deal even before you watch the clips, since YouTubers get to describe whatever they upload. For example, did you know that the early summer exhibition victory for the Red Bulls over Bayern Munich was fixed to help NYRB become more popular(how’d that work out, by the way?)? Neither did we, but there in the description of peruvianproduct’s “Pizzaro vs. Red Bull” clip we learn the shocking truth. Another way to learn great stuff is to read the comments other YouTubers posted after watching the video. YoungGunz92’s video of a minor altercation between NYRB and DC fans is no great shakes, but the comments that follow are quite bizarre and somewhat engaging reading. Regardless, the “best” clip for the new squad is “Amado Guevara talks about Red Bull NY” on Univision. The question is, are even YouTube video clips related to soccer more exciting because they’re in Spanish and on Univision? If this same clip were recorded in English by an ESPN announcer, would the AAXI staff judge it the “worst” NYRB YouTube clip?
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Ah, the offense - where has it been these past few AAXI teams? Nowhere except at the feet of Jeff Cunningham. But with Cunningham off this week’s list, we find ourselves fielding a line-up that would make fans happy, and coaches cringe: the 4-2-4.

Joe Cannon – (3)

The man almost single handedly kept Colorado in the game against the Fire. The Fire threatened over and over throughout the game and consistently it was Cannon coming off his line or making the big save that kept the Rapids alive. His vision of the field is second to none, and as far as reflexes go, he’s almost inhuman. Chicago eventually eked out the win on an quick shot off a corner by Dasan Robinson (see below), but Cannon really looked good.

Tony Sanneh – (1)

Remember when Sanneh was affectionately known as the Big Cat? The oft-injured defender with the big contract has been known to Fire fans as “Big Cash” these past two ineffective seasons. But since returning from his latest injury, he’s come as close as we’ve seen him to his old form. Against the Rapids Sanneh was dominant in the air, kept Thiago Matins in check for nearly every second of the game, and distributed well from the back. Big Cash is finally earning his paycheck.

Dasan Robinson – (5)

We’re almost sorry to bring Robinson up again, but the kid just keeps playing good games. This time around what really stood out was his composure on and off the ball. When he’s defending he doesn’t commit or dive in unnecessarily, and he is physically tough in the air and on the ground. Offensively, he holds the ball well, is a good passer, and as we found out against Colorado, can put the ball in the back of the net. Bornstein and Kjlestan are always at the top of the ROTY list for pretty much everyone, but Robinson is deservedly right on their heels.

Jeff Larentowicz – (1)

Jeff Who? Larentowicz. He isn’t a rookie - a lone minute against DC United in 2005 took care of that status - but has to be considered among the impressive crop of new players in the league. With twelve starts and eighteen appearances he’s no stranger to the Revolution lineup, but his solid defense and game winning goal against the Crew still probably surprised some people.

Rusty Pierce – (2)

Rusty returned to one of his old stomping grounds (New England) and looked good in the losing effort for the Crew. He got forward on one dangerous break and spent the rest of the game making life difficult for the Revolution attackers. Too bad he and Richie Kotschau seem to be alternating injuries - the two of them plus SI’s Marcos Gonzales and Jose Retiz could make up a solid defense.

Jonathan Bornstein – (5)

The first member of our two-man midfield has more recently made the AAXI as a forward. This weekend he lined up further from goal, but the result was the same: another tally (complemented by an assist) for the ROTY frontrunner. Is he going to be the latest left-sided player to keep Jose Burciaga Jr. off the US National team?

Sacha Kjlestan – (3)

One thing the AAXI staff agreed upon this week was the two members of the midfield, both from Chivas USA. Nothing particular stood out from what was a terrific overall effort, although his assist on Ante Razov’s well-taken second goal was pretty good. His 7 assists lead Chivas and put him sixth in MLS - welcome to the league, Sacha!

Edson Buddle – (3)

Edson couldn’t have looked more casual on his way to a hat trick, as if it had all been arranged between Bruce and Edson before the game that he’d rest for a half while RSL got tired, defending down a man, and then go in and utterly dominate. His third goal was a brilliant mix of hustle and composure in the box, beating Jay Nolly to a bouncing ball, turning, and calmly placing the ball where only a defender’s hand could possibly have stopped it. He wasn’t phased that his first goal briefly seemed to have been incorrectly called a goal-line clearance, nor was he phased that he popped in a surpassingly brilliant header. We’re sorry that we bet a buddy a drink for every Red Bulls goal. We’re also still hung over. But Jay Nolly probably has post-traumatic stress disorder from the whole experience, so we’re not so bad off after al.

John Wolyniec – (1)

Woly just looks right in Giants Stadium. Sure, he’s wearing yet another new uniform, but Wolyniec, his cheering section, and Bruce Arena could be a great combination, even if Buddle pushes him to the pine at some point. Wolyniec set the tone for the game with a great run onto a perfectly-weighted through ball from Youri Djorkaeff, suckering Jack Stewart into an 8th minute red card (yeah, 82 minutes on the road in August down a man should work . . .). The RSL winning streak was doomed from that point on. Plus, Woly earned a secondary assist on goal #1, made an unselfish pass for an assist on goal #5, and for some reason, was still hustling in the 80-somethingth minute to pick up a garbage goal for #6. If you’re scoring at home, that’s a drawn red card, a goal, and two assists, for a guy two teams couldn’t wait to get rid of within the last couple months. Yet another brilliant personnel move by the Red Bulls Finally the Red Bulls made a “positive karma” move, and were rewarded.

Landon Donovan – (4)

You might have heard that the Galaxy systematically dismantled DC United over the weekend. Want to know why? Look no farther than the enigmatic Mr. Donovan. This week was the dominant version of Landon, whose impact reverberated far beyond the pair of goals he scored. He was dangerous at every turn, and tracked far back on defense when the occasion demanded it. How far can Donovan take the re-energized Galaxy? If last year’s run is any indication, we may be watching Landon and LA play well into the Fall.

Ante Razov – (6)

Razov just killed the Dynamo. Did you know he’s really good with his left foot? That peg carried him to a pair of goals and into a tie in the race for the Golden Boot. It was definitely another MVP quality outing against Houston, as Razov and Chivas are suddenly hanging around the upper half of the Western Conference standings. One observation from the AAXI staff: Eric Wynalda’s man-crush on Ante is getting old.
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• Header by ismitje. He’s the Justin Mapp of MLS contributors.
• List compiled and edited by ismitje with input from all of the AAXI contributors who didn’t flake.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Doug Logan.

You may have heard of it - apparently it’s quite popular these days - but there’s a place besides MLSNet where you can watch all sorts of MLS and MLS-related highlights. YouTube is a global phenomenon, and our corner of the soccer world is pretty well represented thereon. And your friends on the AAXI staff have gone to the trouble of reviewing each MLS Season XI team’s presence on YouTube. The criteria: videos must be found via entering only the team name, rather than a particular player, and a particular video must focus on some aspect of the team or a player to be included in the review (meaning, All Star Game highlights that pop up in a search for the LA Galaxy don’t count towards the Galaxy total listed herein).

This week we take a look at the six Western Conference teams and try to identify the “best” clip available on YouTube.

Chivas USA There are a whopping 31 video clips featuring Chivas USA, tops for Western Conference teams. But you can’t watch most of them at work or with the kids, unless no one there understands swear words in Spanish. Chivas USA fans swearing at opposing teams, and opposing team fans swearing at Chivas USA – now that’s variety. The Red Bulls fan falling on his face while jumping up and down and singing swear words at Chivas USA does have something going for it, but the clip titled “UC Irvine vs. Chivas USA” just shows a girl rolling down a hill. Hmmm. But the “best” clip is one that demonstrates a hallmark of YouTube: film of the untelevised event. In this case, you get scenes from Chivas USA’s exhibition against Tigres in Donna, Texas – available nowhere else.

Colorado Rapids It’s no surprise that searching for “Colorado Rapids” on YouTube leads you to a host of white water rafting videos. What is surprising is that, including the rafting videos, you only get 17 hits from the search. Take out the rafting, and you’re down to 8 videos. Of those eight, you get fireworks on the Fourth of July (a big draw in Denver), two and a half minutes of Mascot Soccer (a halftime event), two clips of Brian Ching scoring against the Rapids, and the LA Galaxy playing a couple of times. Remove the compilation of departed player Jean-Phillipe Peguero scoring for Colorado and the Red Bulls, and you’re left with only one choice for “best” clip: “Big Head” featuring the partially shaved head of a Rapids fan. Nineteen seconds of the fan, followed by a written statement: the haircut stays until the Rapids win. That’s it. Come on, Rapids fans - there’s more Mascot Soccer highlights than Rapids clips! Start uploading!

FC Dallas What happens when almost half of the 27 videos posted featuring a team are variations of the same fifteen second clip? And that clip isn’t one of Carlos Ruiz’s bicycle kicks or Kenny Cooper’s headed goals, but a shot of some drummers in the supporters’ section shot from a low angle? I’m going to guess that Dallastar02 was new at the whole YouTube thing when s/he uploaded the clips for the first time. Or obsessed with that one drummer! But the best clip there - one that may make you laugh - is the appropriately named “National Anthem Played on a Saw” before an FC Dallas home game. It really does show a guy playing the anthem on a saw - and while we’re sure there’s a logical explanation for why the FC Dallas FO picked this particular way to start the game, it’s still a guy playing the national anthem on a saw!

Houston Dynamo The Dynamo just moved to Houston a short time ago, and so one might expect there to be little to see on YouTube featuring them instead of the Earthquakes or Clash. Surprise! You’ll find 29 videos featuring some aspect of the Houston Dynamo experience. Fan clips, homemade game previews, and “Stuart Holden’s first professional goal EVER!” (The capital letters from YouTuber 12dangbang12 really brings it home for the AAXI staff). It isn’t funny, but the best clip is the lengthy highlight package and interviews broadcast by Houston’s CBS affiliate following the team’s first match in 2006.

Los Angeles Galaxy The Galaxy feature in 18 videos posted on YouTube. Some of the connections are a bit tenuous, such as “Breanna singing the national anthem at a Los Angeles Galaxy game,” which was posted by a YouTube user named . . . Breanna. But there’s some fun to be had watching some of these gems. Remember the Riot Squad taking on Brad Guzan last year? Or the host of Chivas Girls blow up dolls? Pop on over and watch the clips. You can watch MLS Cup highlights featuring the Galaxy, but from a neutral standpoint the “best” Galaxy clip is this one, featuring game two of the Galaxy-Earthquake playoff series in 2003 - the one with the phenomenal San Jose comeback.

Real Salt Lake This team has only been around for a season and a half, but its recent exhibition against Real Madrid means that it is featured in an impressive 28 videos. Of course, more than half are things like “Ruud penalty against Real Salt Lake” and the like. There’s also an odd series of “how to” videos of 2-5 minutes in length from RSL players, such as “Punting” by backup goalie Jay Nolly and “Shooting” from Chris Klein. But the “best” is something that follows one of the most common (and sometimes truly bizarre) YouTube traditions: the homemade music video. Someone takes one of their favorite songs, clips things together, and off you go (the strangest ones feature clips from video games set to popular music). In RSL’s case, “RSL 2005 Goals”, is set to Weezer’s “Damage in Your Heart.” Why? Only YouTube member climbingtheladder knows.
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It’s a 5-4-1 this week for the AAXI. Once again, Jeff Cunningham is the only Yank forward to make the team. Apparently the Americans have the defensive part of the field covered, but Cunningham could use some company - where have you gone, Ante Razov?

Troy Perkins – (5)

If ever there was a game where a player deserved AAXI honors without doing anything particularly flashy, it was Wednesday against New York for Troy. His decision making, positioning, and execution were superb. He kept his defense organized, and only his distribution was short of superlative, being merely adequate. Just a great game from a player where keepers are remembered frequently more for their dubious choices in coming off the line than in their strong understanding. He got the clean sheet and bettered his best-in-the-league goals against average.

Dasan Robinson – (4)

The guy is never mentioned when it comes to Rookie of the Year candidates, and it is a crime. He’s had a stellar season for the Fire and by in large has played nearly flawless games week in and out. Did you know Eddie Johnson played against the Fire? We didn’t; we figured he was still touring Germany or something. EJ had no impact because Robinson effectively neutralized him from the first whistle to the last.

Ugo Ihemelu – (1)

Ugo receives fair criticism for an overly phsyical style, but his speed and positioning against Dallas shouldn’t be overlooked. His physical strength helps with the likes of Carlos Ruiz and Kenny Cooper, but he’s also developing a good sense of timing and increasingly gets to the right place at the right time. His defensive partner in central defense, Troy Roberts, deserves some credit this week as well.

Jack Stewart – (1)

Stepped right into the RSL defense and picked up where the injured Danny Torres left off. “Hot New Guy,” as he is known in certain circles, has been solid from his first start with RSL. And while other RSLers on this week’s AAXI may be getting much of the credit, the teams winning streak coincides with Stewart’s first start following his trade from Chicago.

Carlos Mendes – (1)

We’ll admit that one mistake by a defender could wipe out a great performance, whereas a striker only needs one good play to have a good game. And we know that Joseph Ngwenya beat Mendes on the Crew goal late in the half. But for at least 88 minutes of the game, he won every one on one match up and kept the Crew at bay. And I daresay he wasn’t the only one flummoxed by Ngwenya on that run. Hence, Mendes on the AAXI.

Bobby Boswell – (3)

Boswell made a great sliding tackle to disrupt Amado Guevara in a drab 0-0 draw with the Red Bulls. So what? Well, for one thing no one on the AAXI staff can remember the last time Bobby left his feet. He is putting together an amazing season while getting to the ground less frequently than Bruce Arena’s ego. This game was not an exception, as he neatly shielded attackers, disrupted crosses, and actually was one of the few DC defenders who could make a pass out of his own defensive third.

Justin Mapp – (4)

So, sometimes he starts, and sometimes he doesn’t because the team never knows how much “sustained Mapp” they’re going to get. He got the start last Wednesday against Kansas City, the kid was a terror. He led the Fire to victory with tireless effort and some very strong runs. Two assists (one from the left, one from the right) and a goal is a damn fine performance for Mapp; now, if only he could do it more often.

Chris Klein – (2)

The MLS Player of the Week had quite a pair of games for the suddenly hot team from Salt Lake City. In the Wednesday match, he ran absolutely rampant through the Crew defense during a sustained thirty minute siege of the Columbus goal. Sometimes he was mysteriously wide open, while most often he timed his runs prefectly. He did most of his damage on the right but looked good running left and center as well. His well-taken goal off a perfect Andy Williams feed leveled the score, and he contributed to the game winner as well. And while his goal against Houston on Saturday never crossed the goal line, Klein’s performance all game long was outstanding. He played useful balls and seemed minimally troubled by Houston’s defensive pressure.

Jacob Thomas – (4)

Thomas led the Crew attack Wednesday when it looked dangerous in the first half. In fact, Columbus looked every part the more dangerous team while he was on the field. When he left injured in minute 44, so went the Crew offense - and the defensive pressure in the midfield as well. His foray down the right and into RSL’s box led to the Crew penalty and a 1-0 lead. Still, his apparent fragility has to be troubling - or perhaps he keeps rushing back from injury and would do well to stay off the field until he’s fully healed.

Carey Talley – (4)

Scored the game winning-goal Wednesday with a well-placed shot off of Cunningham’s setup. His play may not have been spectacular, but he played hard, set up shots, and helped shut down the Crew defense. But somewhere between the Crew game and Saturday’s match against Houston, Talley cut this hair. Luckily the haircut didn’t jinx him, and his continued integral play on both sides of the ball was a main contributor to both RSL wins.

Jeff Cunningham – (5)

When will Cunningham slow down? He did not have a particularly standout 60 minutes in the Wednesday game in Columbus, and then an average minutes 60-75. But over the last fifteen minutes he was absolutely everywhere in the attacking third and cut through a tired Crew defense seemingly at will. Some good play by Crew keeper Bill Gaudette and several close calls kept it close until minute 90 when Cunningham’s assist of Talley won the game. Without Cunningham, there would not have been an RSL win on the night. Then on Saturday, Cunningham completely exposed the lack of speed in Houston’s defense all night. He worked right up the middle of a previously very decent defense with ease that can’t be discounted simply because Eddie Robinson was out. Ryan Cochrane, Adrian Serioux, and Ricardo Clark all know their defensive responsibilities and none of them could deal with Cunningham.
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• Header by ismitje.
• List compiled and edited by ismitje, with input from all of the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Kelly Dalglish.

The IAU discussions simply dovetail too perfectly with MLS and MLS expansion to not be featured in the AAXI header this week. The question is, which MLS teams correspond to which planets?

First, some background on the whole question of the planets. There are eight “classical” planets – Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune. Pluto is widely considered to be the ninth planet, but it is much smaller and has a much different orbit than the others, leading many to question its status. Astronomers used to consider Ceres a planet, but it was downgraded to asteroid status in the late 1800s (it is located between Mars and Jupiter). And over the past few decades, stronger telescopes have helped locate a whole host of other planetoids and plutons out past Pluto, leading to the question of whether Pluto should be downgraded or these newbies upgraded.

So, we’ve got eight classical planets, and eight original MLS teams still playing in their original cities (Colorado, Columbus, Dallas, DC United, Kansas City, Los Angeles New England, and New York) . A ninth “traditional” planet, Pluto, with an irregular orbit, and one MLS original franchise relocated to a new city (Houston). Three new planets as proposed by the IAU – Ceres, Charon, and 2003 UB313 - and three former expansion MLS teams (Chicago, Chivas, and Real Salt Lake). An IAU watch list of a dozen candidates for expansion – Hygiea, Ixion, Orcus, Quaoar, Pallas, Sedna, Varuna, Vesta, 2002 AW197, 2002 TX300, 2003 EL61, and 2005 FY9, matched with a similar number of expansion candidates and the soon-to-debut Toronto FC.

And it gets better. Planets can be rebranded, a la Clash-to-Earthquakes-to-Dynamo or MetroStars-to-Red Bulls. The IAU is working on an official name for 2003 UB313, although the working name of (seriously) Xena (Gabrielle being its moon!) has some marketability.

However, after additional consideration, we can’t very well post a list of which MLS teams correspond to which planets – the negative feedback from whichever team got assigned to Uranus would overwhelm us! Sounds like a good topic for the MLS Rivalries board at BigSoccer.com: which MLS team is Uranus?

Now on to the AAXI for weeks 19 and 20. The single game from All-Star Weekend and the full slate from week 20 were all considered, resulting in this week’s 6-2-2 – with both the midfielders on the list lining up as d-mids, we’re pretty heavy on the defensive end of things – but we can hardly help it if these are the Yanks who stepped it up this week:
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Matt Reis – (3)

The New England ‘keeper earns the nod in part for his work in stymieing Ante Razov in week 19’s draw with Chivas. But in particular, Reis played a terrific game in the scoreless draw against the Wizards in week 20. His seven saves were all crucial with nothing easy about any of them.

Eddie Robinson – (4)

The Houston back showed why there isn’t a Soccernet “cover” jinx to match the Sports Illustrated one. The same week he got the good press from Jeff Carlisle, he played the same kind of steady game he has all year long and helped shut down the Dallas attack. And if AAXI staff favorite Kenny Cooper ever goes crazy, don’t be surprised if he starts screaming “Eddie Robinson is everywhere” because Kenny couldn’t even spit on Saturday without Eddie being there to stop it. By shutting down Cooper, Robinson shut down Dallas.

Nick Garcia – (2)

With Jimmy Conrad out again - this time with a broken jaw - Garcia stepped up for the Wizards like he did earlier in the year. With Jose Burciaga storming forward and Shavar Thomas playing somewhat shakily, the main work to preserve the weekend shutout of Columbus fell to Garcia, who rose to the task. Then again, he wasn’t half bad while partnering with Conrad in the midweek shutout of New England.

Tim Regan – (5)

Regan has become the steadiest defender in the league this season. Although he didn’t particularly standout in the drab week 19 affair, he played well for the Goats in their controversial win at Chicago during week 20. In that game he exhibited a knack for going forward at the right times, while clogging the attack effectively as well.

Dasan Robinson – (5)

Robinson played well, moving over to the center of the field a number of times to cover for emergency center back Tony Sanneh. He is the reason that Chicago was still in the match at the end of the game. He is among a group of five or so MLSers who belie what it means to be a rookie.

Chris Albright – (3)

Albright kept the left side of Houston’s attack in check in midweek action, including introducing Stuart Holden to more physical defense than he’s probably seen since playing with the Sunderland reserves. Albright also had several good runs to contribute to the attack.

Craig Waibel – (2)

He is finally getting fully fit again and it’s shown in his improved play over the last few games. This week, he added a badly needed attacking dimension with better crossing from his position than Houston usually sees. He scored a header against Dallas, but his overall effort in the attack and keeping possession also helped Houston win that “damn cannon” given to the winner of the Houston-Dallas series. He continues to defend well in one-on-one situations, even against players who should beat him for speed.

Pablo Mastroeni – (3)

The World Cup veteran absolutely shut down Landon Donovan in Saturday’s 1-0 Rapids win. It was truly a vintage Mastroeni game, one more often seen for the USNT than in MLS. But this one got his MLS team three big points in what is shaping up to be an interesting Western Conference playoff race.

Jesse Marsch – (2)

Marsch scored a cracking goal from his d-mid position during the week 19 game against New England. In a funny game that should have shown MLS’s good side to the 90,000 people in the LA Coliseum primed to see the Barcelona-Chivas game that followed, Marsch was one of the only players who didn’t look like he was more prepared for an afternoon nap than to showcase his skills for the assembled crowd.

Santino Quaranta – (1)

The new Galaxy acquisition gets the nomination for only two touches, his first two in an LA uniform. Fox Soccer Channel commentator Allen Hopkins may have overstated it when he said that Q looked like a man who received a get out of jail free card, but he surely did look happy to be on the field when he came on and stole three points for the Galaxy.

Jeff Cunningham – (5)

RSL’s 4-1 win over the Rapids might just spark the team into doing something with this season. If it does, Cunningham’s performance will be a huge part of it. He was all over that field, making space and finding people. Over and over he was a threat. If it wasn’t for Joe Cannon in goal, this game might have been a “huge” blowout. And don’t look now, but not only does Cunningham lead MLS with 13 goals following his pair against Colorado, but he’s tied for the RSL team lead with six assists. Not bad for a “selfish” player.
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• Header by ismitje.
• List compiled and edited by ismitje, with input from all of the AAXI contributors.
• All typos and errors should be blamed on Justin Mapp.
• All typos and errors blamed on Justin Mapp are, of course, actually the fault of Shep Messing.